Bet You Don’t Know “Jack”

Key Point: Dr. Stephen R. Covey challenges us, “Express love and appreciation to those whom you associate with. Listen empathetically to them. Devote time to learning about them, what is important to them, what is their story.”

Dr. Covey was picked by Time Magazine as one of the 25 most influential Americans of 1996. His wisdom is remarkable and he inspires and teaches us even more in his new book The 3rd Alternative.

One small but very important point of Covey’s many teachings is captured in the key point above. When I determine whether people REALLY care about the people they work with, I ask them to tell me about the closest individuals they work with and to describe their “story.” Often people have difficulty going beyond the minimum detail. They don’t know that person’s situation. They can’t name their loved ones. They have a hard time articulating what these folks are good at, what they like to do and how they bring value to those around them. If you cannot complete the following assignment then my belief is that you “don’t know jack” and you care more about people in word than in action.

Character Move:

  1. Complete the “story” of at least 10 people you most closely associate with. If you can’t name their most immediate loved ones, you can’t pass “GO.” You’re not serious and don’t tell me you’ve got a poor memory; that’s a big lame excuse.
  2. Be able to describe what each person is good at, like to do, and how they provide value.
  3. Describe how you’ve acknowledged each of these top 10 associates in the last 30 days.
  4. Then do the 1 through 3 above with the 20 of your closest associates.

Don’t think of yourself as having respect as defined in the Character Triangle if you can’t do the above.

Know Jack in the Triangle,

Lorne

 

Can We Raise the “Respect Limit” in Our Workplace? The Transition from “Me” to “We”

There was much that disturbed all of America about the debt ceiling debate. But perhaps what distressed many of us the most was the feeling that making the decision that was best for the country was secondary to the “my way or the highway” mentality that permeated much of the debate. Additionally, dialogue over issues seemed to be overshadowed by personal attack. Those of us who have been part of functional families and organizations know that individuality and the ability to express needs, wants, and feelings is important. We also know that “we-ness” allows for the “me” to express itself, but that agreeing to disagree is ok too. What is not ok is when the “me” becomes “look out for number one” ONLY and the agenda between members becomes poisoned by manipulation and distrust.

The US culture is fiercely autonomous and independent. These values are fundamental to the creativity and industrious nature of the famous “American way.” To move a company (or country for that matter) forward, success is more around applying the spirit of inclusiveness and expansion. This philosophy is different than everyone agreeing and seeing everything the same way. It can and should accommodate individualism. It is also much different than, “My way is the only right way because I believe it is so, and screw everyone else.”

Character Move:

  1. Self assess how much room you have for the view of others in your work place.
  2. How effective are people at constructively attacking issues instead of each other (or other departments)?
  3. What tools like STP* are in place to help that dialogue?
  4. How often is the focus on “me” versus “we”? Listen to the words that people use in their communication? Is it for the greater good?

We don’t want to raise the debt limits in our companies if we can avoid it. But I believe we could all benefit from raising the respect limit!

Raising the Respect Limit in the Triangle,

Lorne

* STP – Situation – Target – Proposal

Looking Back at Respect in 2010

Today I want to highlight four of my top blogs focusing  on the RESPECT element of the Character Triangle in 2010. Many readers have told me these are having an impact. Comment on this blog and let me know which of these Top 4 would get your vote as the RESPECT blog of 2010. (And, if you haven’t already voted for your favorite Accountability blog please do so.)

It’s About Who You KNOW, not WHO You Know

Will You Have a Crucial Conversation Today?

We Are Carriers at Work. How Do You Infect Others?

Be Present …that Person Could be Playing a Stradivarius

Thank you for giving your most precious commodity of time in helping develop the Character Triangle.

Wishing you a wonderful 2011 in the Triangle,

Lorne

It’s About Who You KNOW, not WHO You Know

Mother Theresa said that the most terrible poverty was loneliness and feeling unloved. I wonder how lonely and isolated people feel in western culture.

The other day my wife and I dropped in on a hip coffee house in the Eastlake area of Seattle. Eighteen people, most in their 20 and 30s, sat by themselves plugged into laptops (16 Apple, 1 iPad, 1 PC …hmm). There was another couple our age; he was on his Blackberry and she was on her cell phone. Ok it’s just an observation, but I wonder if our work environment is taking on added importance as a place for face to face personal interaction.

So my Thanksgiving (here in the US) message is around the importance of getting to really know about the people we work with. It is so important to care about each other. Yes its work, but work is a huge part of our life.

The other day I learned about the life of one of our tech supervisors. Holy cow – what a story …escaping the Cambodian Killing fields, 3 days and nights at sea crossing as one of the Vietnamese boat people, and more. There is no way I could fully appreciate this man without learning about his life.

Please take the time to unplug once in a while. Learn about the people who work around us. Be thankful for those that care and get to know us.

It is about respect for us and others.

Happy Thanksgiving,

Lorne

Lorne Rubis

Lorne Rubis

The constant in Lorne’s diverse career is his ability to successfully lead organizations through significant change. At US West, where he served as a Vice President / Company Officer, Lorne was one of only seven direct reports ...
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LISTEN TO LORNE'S RADIO INTERVIEWS

Revolutionizing Relationships - with Trevor Crow radio host, 3/27/2012

Mind Your Own Business Radio - with Debi Davis, WLOB 1310 AM, 3/10/12

Paul Miller Morning Show, WPHM-AM, 12/5/11

Dr. Alvin Jones Show, WHFS-AM, 12/1/11

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The Character Triangle

Character Triangle Book CoverBuild Character, Have an Impact, and Inspire Others

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Character Triangle

Our character is exclusively ours. We define it by how we think and what we do. I believe that acting with Character is driven by what I call the Character Triangle.

What, exactly, is the Character Triangle (CT)?

The CT describes and emphasizes three distinct but interdependent values:

Be Accountable: first person action to make things better, avoiding blame.
Be Respectful: being present, listening, looking again, focusing on the process.
Be Abundant: generous in spirit, moving forward, minimizing the lack of.

Read more about the Character Triangle

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Be Accountable

Be Respectful

Be Abundant

Free Resources

Podcasts
 

Revolutionizing Relationships – with Trevor Crow radio host, 3/27/2012

Mind Your Own Business Radio – with Debi Davis, WLOB 1310 AM, 3/10/12 radio interview of Lorne Rubis

Paul Miller Morning Show, WPHM-AM, 12/5/11 radio interview of Lorne Rubis

Dr. Alvin Jones Show, WHFS-AM, 12/1/11 radio interview of Lorne Rubis

Kathryn Zox Show, VoiceAmerica Network interview of Lorne Rubis

 

Articles
 

Take Responsibility For Yourself; Others Will Follow

Use the Character Triangle to inspire your team

Leadership Excellence articlein the January 2012 issue

Mercer Island author inspires others with ‘Character Triangle’

Problem Solving STP Model – click to download (304KB pdf) 

 


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