Kindness | Lorne Rubis

Does Capitalism Allow for Kindheartedness?

20109 Jul
Comments
Posted inBe Respectful

Adam Phillips and Barbara Taylor in their recently published book On Kindness have released a short but thought provoking treatise on the matter. They raise interesting questions. Is kindness for losers? Is Kindness just narcissism in disguise? Does capitalism allow for kind heartedness? In conclusion the authors argue that generosity of spirit and kindness is a more natural state of being. It does not need to be a forbidden pleasure. Indeed our attachments to others fulfill our sense of humanity.

My observations over the years, without the benefit of the psychoanalyst (Phillips) and historian (Taylor) is that kind (not naive) people are the winners in the most important sense of the word. My argument is that kindness is a key sub element of respect.

The next time you need to work together with someone who is a little too stressed out, overextended (overworked?), or just plain tired, watch how much easier it is to have a more productive meeting when you extend this person additional kindness. We can succeed and thrive at work with kindness as a key part of who we are. In fact, the authors noted after considerable study - is more natural and who we really are. It is ok to treat ourselves and others kindly. Really.

with Character,

Lorne

Doing To Others IS Doing to Ourselves

201028 May
Comments
Posted inBe Respectful

I think it is important to consider the premise that the way we treat others is likely an indication of how we treat ourselves. As an example, if we are mean to others we can put ourselves in a foul mood. When we are uncaring or indifferent we can become empty inside. Leo Babuata at www.zenhabits.com describes this very thoughtfully (Kindfully and Mindfully, May 11/10).

The essence of respect stems from being present and mindful of every interaction with every human being. It starts with the simple things. How about just recognizing that when we go through a door, there might be someone behind us, instead of letting it “slam.” Perhaps that is a metaphor, keeping the door open for every person we interact with.

Kindness and presence takes practice. But when we act this way to others, I genuinely feel that we treat ourselves similarly and the goodwill becomes reinforcing.

The work environment is a fertile place for acting with respect. If we are mindful of every interaction with colleagues and customers and recognize that we are doing to ourselves… well, the outcame can be powerfully positive.

Now how do you want to respond to that email?

with Character,

Lorne

Kindness is Free

201012 May
Comments3
Posted inBe Accountable

Tom Peters, one of the most important observers and writers on “excellence” in business, has a chapter with this title in his book The Little Big Things, 163 Ways to Pursue Excellence. Why? Kindness makes a huge difference to excellence in leadership. And I believe it is one of the key tenants of Respect.

In the chapter he goes on to refer to a quote from Plato, “Be kind, for everyone is fighting a great battle.” The point is that you and I need to look at things from the perspective of the other person. This means we have to care. That’s hard work.

Kindness opportunities present themselves daily with teammates and others, including customers and suppliers. Being kind and thoughtful applies to almost every internal and external activity we’re involved in. What a powerful currency kindness is and it’s totally free!

Try to be extra conscious about kindness this week. Please post me back and let me know the outcome.

with Character,

Lorne

Kindness as Strength

20104 May
Comments1
Posted inBe Respectful

Is it possible to be “kind” in today’s world? Won’t you get eaten up and spit out if not swallowed whole? Somebody posed this question the other day and its worth reflecting on. My contention is that being kind is part of the value of Respect; one of the key elements of the Character Triangle. So does being kind mean being weak? Absolutely not.

Being kind is actually a state of strength. It usually means you are present; aware of your surroundings. You can see and sense how to interact in a kind and polite way. But being nice doesn’t mean being a pushover – on the contrary. You can disagree and even point out inappropriate behavior in a direct and tough-minded way. The key is to focus on the behavior and not to imply or state a negative view of the person as an individual. Calling you a jerk doesn’t help when you cut me off in traffic. You likely didn’t even know you did or you had some other situation distract you. But once I call you a jerk and you flip me off, well things get personal.

If someone raises their voice in anger at you, you are within your rights to firmly state that this behavior is not acceptable. If this person wants to have a constructive dialogue with you they can be angry and they can be tough, but they can still be kind. The action of being kind usually disappears when one treats others in a way that attacks or ignores their sense of being. When actions toward others are rude, insensitive and /or oblivious; it is not kind. Nor is it in my opinion, necessary. Nice guys do win and in my opinion, in order to do so they have to be the toughest and strongest people of all.

My historical observation is that those people considered unkind are also least successful in the long run. They are often the most fearful and insecure. They make others feel bad to momentarily feel better. Who do you like to spend time with and work with? Kind people.

Be respectful. Be kind. Be tough.

with Character,

Lorne

Character Triangle

Our character is exclusively ours. We define it by how we think and what we do. I believe that acting with Character is driven by what I call the Character Triangle.

What, exactly, is the Character Triangle (CT)?

The CT describes and emphasizes three distinct but interdependent values:

Be Accountable: first person action to make things better, avoiding blame.
Be Respectful: being present, listening, looking again, focusing on the process.
Be Abundant: generous in spirit, moving forward, minimizing the lack of.