Harvard Business Review

Do You Play to Win or Not to Lose?

201314 May
Comments
Posted inBe Accountable

Key Point: I used to think that we all should always focus more on trying to win versus trying not to lose. In sports, I have seen teams that go into a defensive shell and end up blowing a lead to their opponents because they lose momentum. They get ahead but lose in the end by not playing to win. But I also have seen the opposite; where teams are ahead in the game, get reckless and end up blowing a lead because they are too aggressive. They lose because they didn’t get effectively preventative or defensive.

People are a reflection of these two orientations. Heidi Grant Halvorson and E. Tory Higgins, in a recent HBR article, point out that the latest psychology illustrates that we have a natural tendency to either be more promotion focused or prevention focused. This very personal motivation orientation affects how we approach life’s challenges and demands. Here is what the author’s have to say about describing both focus areas:

“Promotion-focused people see their goals as creating a path to gain or advancement and concentrate on the rewards that will accrue when they achieve them. They are eager and they play to win. You’ll recognize promotion-focused people as those who are comfortable taking chances, who like to work quickly, who dream big and think creatively. Unfortunately, all that chance taking, speedy working, and positive thinking makes these individuals more prone to error, less likely to think things through, and usually unprepared with a plan B if things go wrong. That’s a price they are willing to pay, because for the promotion-focused, the worst thing is a chance not taken, a reward unearned, a failure to advance.

Prevention-focused people, in contrast, see their goals as responsibilities, and they concentrate on staying safe. They worry about what might go wrong if they don’t work hard enough or aren’t careful enough. They are vigilant and play to not lose, to hang on to what they have, to maintain the status quo. They are often more risk-averse, but their work is also more thorough, accurate, and carefully considered. To succeed, they work slowly and meticulously. They aren’t usually the most creative thinkers, but they may have excellent analytical and problem-solving skills.

The promotion-focused are engaged by inspirational role models, the prevention-focused by cautionary tales. What I have learned is that we need to consciously embrace a balance of both motivation focuses. While the promotion-minded generate lots of ideas, good and bad, it often takes someone prevention-minded to tell the difference between the two. To win in a sustainable way needs BOTH.”

Character Moves:

Recognize which motivation focus you are. (You may already know this but you can take a focus check by self-assessing your orientation here). Are you more promotion or prevention based?
Balance yourself by connecting with people who have the opposite focus to you. I believe both people and teams need the dynamic tension of both. Surround yourself with some of the opposite and your decision-making will be better for it.
Learn how to connect both motivational orientations within yourself in as balanced way as possible. We have to be motivationally ambidextrous these days. This may be a paradox but we can do it. We have to learn how to PROMOTE and PREVENT at the same time: Playing to win AND not to lose.
The real trick is knowing which way to sway. Do you lean more forward and play aggressive offense or do you play prevent defense? The answer is to be aware of the benefit of both approaches and decide based on the situation you’re in. It is case by case NOT just one way or the other.

Promoting AND Preventing in The Triangle,

Lorne

When You Make Someone Mad

201330 Apr
Comments
Posted inBe Accountable

Key Point: Ever make someone mad? Do you know the difference and benefit between explaining the intention of your behavior versus acknowledging the consequences? I wish I would have understood this principle earlier in my life. It would have helped me immensely with my relationships.

When I do something to upset someone else, it is easy to fall into the trap of trying to explain and justify my intention. Of course from my perspective, my behavior is usually totally understandable. Any reasonable person could see that, right? Wrong! The following is the BEST and most PRACTICAL advice from Peter Bregman’s HBR blog, What to Do When You’ve Made Someone Angry. Read it in its entirety if you want to. Here’s an excerpt:

“When you’ve done something that upsets someone — no matter who’s right — always start the conversation by acknowledging how your actions impacted the other person. Save the discussion about your intentions for later. Much later. Maybe never. Because, in the end, your intentions don’t matter much.

What if you don’t think the other person is right — or justified — in feeling the way they do? It doesn’t matter. Because you’re not striving for agreement. You’re going for understanding…

Your job is to acknowledge their reality — which is critical to maintaining the relationship… If someone’s reality, as they see it, is negated, what motivation do they have to stay in the relationship?

The hardest part is our emotional resistance. We’re so focused on our own challenges that it’s often hard to acknowledge the challenges of others. Especially if we are their challenge and they are ours. Especially when they lash out at us in anger. Especially when we feel misunderstood. In that moment, when we empathize with them and their criticism of our behavior, it almost feels like we’re betraying ourselves. But we’re not. We’re just empathizing.

Here’s a trick to make it easier. While they’re getting angry at you, imagine, instead, that they’re angry at someone else. Then react as you would in that situation. Probably you’d listen and let them know you see how angry they are. And if you never get to explain your intentions? What I have found in practice — and this surprised me — is that once I’ve expressed my understanding of the consequences, my need to justify my intentions dissipates.

That’s because the reason I’m explaining my intentions in the first place is to repair the relationship. But I’ve already accomplished that by empathizing with their experience. At that point, we’re both usually ready to move on. And if you do still feel the need? You’ll still have the opportunity, once the other person feels seen, heard, and understood.

If we succeed in doing all this well, we’ll often find that, along with our relationships, something else gets better: Our behavior.”

Character Moves:

Remember that when you make someone angry, constructively moving forward means striving for understanding, not agreement.
The most important thing is to sincerely understand the consequences of your behavior and empathize with the other regarding the impact on them. Then shut up and just listen.
The next time you make someone mad, practice Bregman’s recommendations. They really work.

Acknowledging consequences in The Triangle,

- Lorne

Are You Going to Get Cut, Traded or a Raise?

20139 Apr
Comments1
Posted inBe Accountable

Key Point: I hope you realize that you are being evaluated in your job today and literally everyday. If you were a general manager of a sports team, or a conductor of an orchestra, would you renew your contract (with a raise)? Why? Why not? In a somewhat related way, Jodi Glickman’s recent Harvard Business Review blog asks this question: “If you were a stock, would you bet on yourself?“

Please understand that any effective team leader is asking these types of questions ALL the time: “How do I make my team stronger?” “What new skills do I need?” “How is my business changing?” “What does this mean regarding the competences and attributes of my team members?” If a leader/manager is not thinking this way, he or she will lose their jobs sooner than later. Perhaps you think that’s not happening in your world, but if not, I believe it will be shortly. Even concepts like university tenured positions are likely not sustainable. It sounds callous but unless we own our own businesses, we are all free agents on “contract.” And guess what? We actually do own our own business and it’s called “YOU Inc.” Now what?

This is not about whether you and I are likable or try hard. Organizations in almost every market and jurisdiction are continuously and rapidly morphing to offer better value others want to invest in. No institution can rely on past value. Present and future value is all that counts. Don’t take it personally, but your job is a sub plot in this bigger story.

Character Moves:

Honestly answer the question. Are you solidly placed to continue or are you at risk? Would you invest in “YOU Inc.?” Put feelers into the market. Who wants your services? Are you an appreciating asset?
Determine what you want to become a “master” craftsman in and continue to invest in that competency. But you have to put yourself on a continuous development program. And be sure that there is a future need for that skill. If you go home and watch a lot of TV every night instead of developing yourself, networking, etc… Say goodbye to your job. It’s only a question of when, not if.
In addition to a set of master skills, your attribute and character needs continuous practice and development. If you are not developing your Emotional Quotient, some one with the same level of technical competence as you will have done so. That makes them more valuable than you. Become more self aware, and committed to personal emotional growth.
Grow your own personal brand. Don’t be bashful about selling yourself. If you don’t believe in yourself, no one else likely will. Become an exceptional sales person and self-promoter. Get over it. There is nothing sleazy about this if its done thoughtfully and presented in the context of adding real benefit to others.
Do not become complacent or think you’re not expendable. In every organization there are people on the “bubble,” at risk of losing their jobs and many are blind to it. Put yourself in charge by committing to a better, renewed and improved “YOU Inc.” Sell yourself everyday. By the way, if you did super great in the past, enjoy the plaque you received. It will be appreciated but you are being evaluated in the present.
Attach yourself to organizations committed to your personal equity development, which treat you with respect and as a member of that team. Regardless of how the business model will change, that organization will consciously care about you as a team member. Even if you are asked to leave, you will be treated with fairness and dignity. (Remember that everything including the role you’re in ends… Be ready for the next great step for “YOU Inc.”)

Renewed contracts in The Triangle,

Lorne

Why Be a Rude Dude?

201326 Mar
Comments
Posted inBe Respectful

Key Point: Are you rude to others at work? Worse… Are you rude if you’re the boss? Or to show who’s boss? Research from Georgetown University found that rudeness in the workplace is impacting the bottom line and it’s on the rise. Professors Christine Porath and Dr. Christine Pearson found in a survey of 800 managers and employees across 17 industries that about half of workers said they were treated rudely at least once in the past week. That’s up about 25 percent from 1998. Their findings highlighted in their current HBR article, The Price of Incivility, also found that about one in four people are rude because their bosses act that way. Employees notice what SEEMS to be working then they follow that lead. People wrote to tell the authors that bosses were rude as a way of creating distance, a way to show who’s boss, and to set themselves apart. Others reported that managers actually had encouraged them to be rude. Huh?

Among other impacts, surveyed workers had these reactions to rudeness:

A. 48 percent intentionally decreased their work effort.

B. 47 percent intentionally decreased the time spent at work.

C. 38 percent intentionally decreased the quality of their work.

D. 66 percent said that their performance declined.

E. 78 percent said that their commitment to the organization declined.

F. 63 percent lost work time avoiding the offender.

Wow… 25 percent of people at work are rude because that’s the behavior that’s modeled by their bosses. Why would anyone want or have to be rude to “show or confirm who is boss?” The toughest bosses expect and coach to excellence but this does NOT equate to being rude. In fact being a great boss involves respecting all at every level. And employees have no excuse to behave badly because their boss does. Be personally accountable for being respectful.

Character Moves:

Equate being tough to excellence with civility NOT rudeness. Anyone with a little power can treat others badly and get away with it, for a while. This is especially true when other people are concerned about losing their jobs. However the best team members and leaders are respectful regardless of circumstances. As an associate expect and insist on civility at every level and in every position.
Learn how to “attack” process, situations and/or behavior, NEVER other people. This is one of the great guidelines when developing a demanding, highly respectful work environment and norms within a team.
Just because your boss is rude is no excuse to model that behavior. Ideally you will be able to give your boss feedback on that behavior (sometimes its like spinach in our teeth… We don’t really see it until it’s pointed out). Feedback is necessary and helpful.
Want to be tough? Have the courage to point out rude behavior when you see it or experience it. Respectfully but directly explain how that behavior impacts you, others, and the person behaving rudely and the organization.
Most of us act rudely at one time or another. When we do, have the strength to show leadership by recognizing, apologizing, and learning to stop or do it less often.

No rude dudes in The Triangle,

Lorne

Character Triangle

Our character is exclusively ours. We define it by how we think and what we do. I believe that acting with Character is driven by what I call the Character Triangle.

What, exactly, is the Character Triangle (CT)?

The CT describes and emphasizes three distinct but interdependent values:

Be Accountable: first person action to make things better, avoiding blame.
Be Respectful: being present, listening, looking again, focusing on the process.
Be Abundant: generous in spirit, moving forward, minimizing the lack of.