Give to Live or Live to Give?

Giving because we want to and with purpose gives us self gratification and definition.

Over the holiday season it is interesting to observe the act of giving and receiving. I tried to make note of this during the holidays. When people gave without expectation, they seemed to be the most joyful and gratified. When expectations were attached the giving sometimes is compromised by disappointment. If I give a person a gift, how grateful should they be? How much appreciation shown is enough? If I invite guests over for dinner how much should they fuss over how great the meal is? Now I do enjoy it when I obviously (by their sincere reaction) bring delight to others but it seems to be the best to give without expecting anything in return at all. Giving with sincerity and for the purity of giving is all we really need. Any reciprocation is great but unnecessary when we have purpose in mind.

At work the very same principle applies. When we offer help, resources, our time, or encouragement, it is most gratifying when there are no strings attached. We can bring definition to what we value by what we attend to.

  • Action: I would like to challenge you and me to consciously give recognition to 1 person at work every day through 2011. To make it real let’s post it in our calendars. It can be a simple verbal thank you, an email, a hand written note, etc. Let’s expect zero in return. We need to be specific and genuine in our observation. Let’s see what happens. (This should take less than 120 seconds a day). No excuses. It is belief, purpose, commitment, and habit. If we miss a day, let’s make it up by giving recognition 2 times the next day.

 

Give in the Triangle,

Lorne

My Butt and Holiday Gift Giving

I think people struggle with the concept of gift giving overall. Dan Ariely, the brilliant social economist who I often refer to in my blogs, recently gave this advice based on research related to gift giving:

“The best advice on gift-giving, therefore, is to get something that someone really wants but would feel guilty buying otherwise.”

This is really a quick and dirty summary of somewhat more advanced thinking on gift giving and frankly I think it applies more directly to personal gifting. But what about people and organizations we want to gift in the work place? Now I must admit I really like chocolate, candy, nuts, and booze. But seriously, do I or my company colleagues really need them from others at work? I’m not even sure how to share these kind of gifts with the company. As an example, if I put consumable gifts in a public place any where near the sales organization, they will be consumed by the quota-driven in minutes. Poor accounting doesn’t have a chance. And, taking them home for my own consumption I think is wrong. If I do quietly consume most of this stuff at my desk, you will get my drift on the impact to my chair-ridden butt. So how about, when we feel compelled to acknowledge other companies or people at work, we consider gifting the following organizations on their behalf: Note:  these are taken directly from Nicholas Kristoff”s December 18, 2010 NYT times article The Gifts Of Hope.
There are of course many great charitable organizations beyond these, but because Kristoff devotes his life to understanding the world of those at risk or destitute, I thought you might appreciate the reference:

Arzu employs women in Afghanistan to make carpets for export. The women get decent wages, but their families must commit to sending children to school and to allowing women to attend literacy and health classes and receive medical help in childbirth. Rugs start at $250 and bracelets at $10, or a $20 donation pays for a water filter for a worker’s family.

First Book addresses a basic problem facing poor kids in America: They don’t have books. One study found that in low-income neighborhoods, there is only one age-appropriate book for every 300 children. So First Book supports antipoverty organizations with children’s books — and above all, gets kids reading. A $100 gift will supply 50 books for a mentor to tutor a child in reading for a year. And $20 will get 10 books in the hands of kids to help discover the joys of reading.

Fonkoze is a terrific poverty-fighting organization if Haiti is on your mind, nearly a year after the earthquake. A $20 gift will send a rural Haitian child to elementary school for a year, while $50 will buy a family a pregnant goat. Or $100 supports a family for 13 weeks while it starts a business.

Another terrific Haiti-focused organization is Partners in Health, founded by Dr. Paul Farmer, the Harvard Medical School professor. A $100 donation pays for enough therapeutic food (a bit like peanut butter) to treat a severely malnourished child for one month. Or $50 provides seeds, agricultural implements and training for a family to grow more food for itself.

Panzi Hospital treats victims of sexual violence in eastern Congo, rape capital of the world. It’s run by Dr. Denis Mukwege, who should be a candidate for the Nobel Peace Prize. A $10 donation pays for transport to the hospital for a rape survivor; $100 pays for counseling and literacy and skill training for a survivor for a month.

Camfed, short for the Campaign for Female Education, sends girls to school in Africa and provides a broad support system for them. A $300 donation pays for a girl to attend middle school for a year in rural Zambia, and $25 sends a girl to elementary school.

The Nurse-Family Partnership program is a stellar organization in the United States that works with first-time mothers to try to break the cycle of poverty. It sends nurses to at-risk women who are pregnant for the first time, continuing the visits until the child turns 2. The result seems to be less alcohol and drug abuse during pregnancy, and better child-rearing afterward, so that the children are less likely to tangle with the law even years later. A $150 gift provides periodic coaching and support for a young nurse by a senior nurse for a month.

Edna Hospital is a dazzling maternity hospital in Somaliland, an area with one of the highest maternal mortality rates in the world. Edna Adan Ismail, a Somali nurse- midwife who rose in the ranks of the World Health Organization and also served as Somaliland’s foreign minister, founded the hospital with her life’s savings and supports it with her United Nations pension. A $50 gift pays for a woman to get four prenatal visits, a hospital delivery, and one postnatal visit. Or $150 pays for a lifesaving C-section for a woman in obstructed labor.

The Somaly Mam Foundation fights sex slavery in Cambodia and around the world. It is run by Somaly Mam, who was sold into Cambodian brothels as a young girl before escaping years later. For $50, you can buy a lovely silk scarf made by a trafficking survivor; $25 buys a necklace made by a survivor.

This year as CEO of Ryzex and on behalf of all team Ryzex we gave our customers and other partners a donation to Charity:Water.

  • ACTION: Give a gift in the workplace to someone or a group by donating to others (on their behalf) who connect with your meaning and purpose in life. Perhaps a twist on Ariely’s thinking is to gift something to someone who does not have the very basics you and I have. Twenty dollars makes a difference and the butt impact minimal.

 

Live the Triangle and give the gift of hope.

Lorne

Lorne Rubis

Lorne Rubis

The constant in Lorne’s diverse career is his ability to successfully lead organizations through significant change. At US West, where he served as a Vice President / Company Officer, Lorne was one of only seven direct reports ...
Read more about Lorne Rubis

LISTEN TO LORNE'S RADIO INTERVIEWS

Revolutionizing Relationships - with Trevor Crow radio host, 3/27/2012

Mind Your Own Business Radio - with Debi Davis, WLOB 1310 AM, 3/10/12

Paul Miller Morning Show, WPHM-AM, 12/5/11

Dr. Alvin Jones Show, WHFS-AM, 12/1/11

Kathryn Zox Show, VoiceAmerica Network interview

 

The Character Triangle

Character Triangle Book CoverBuild Character, Have an Impact, and Inspire Others

AVAILABLE HERE


hudson-news-character-triangle-bookAlso available at all Hudson News Bookstores in major U.S. airports.

 

 

Character Triangle

Our character is exclusively ours. We define it by how we think and what we do. I believe that acting with Character is driven by what I call the Character Triangle.

What, exactly, is the Character Triangle (CT)?

The CT describes and emphasizes three distinct but interdependent values:

Be Accountable: first person action to make things better, avoiding blame.
Be Respectful: being present, listening, looking again, focusing on the process.
Be Abundant: generous in spirit, moving forward, minimizing the lack of.

Read more about the Character Triangle

Sign up for Lorne Rubis List

* = required field

 

Be Accountable

Be Respectful

Be Abundant

Free Resources

Podcasts
 

Revolutionizing Relationships – with Trevor Crow radio host, 3/27/2012

Mind Your Own Business Radio – with Debi Davis, WLOB 1310 AM, 3/10/12 radio interview of Lorne Rubis

Paul Miller Morning Show, WPHM-AM, 12/5/11 radio interview of Lorne Rubis

Dr. Alvin Jones Show, WHFS-AM, 12/1/11 radio interview of Lorne Rubis

Kathryn Zox Show, VoiceAmerica Network interview of Lorne Rubis

 

Articles
 

Take Responsibility For Yourself; Others Will Follow

Use the Character Triangle to inspire your team

Leadership Excellence articlein the January 2012 issue

Mercer Island author inspires others with ‘Character Triangle’

Problem Solving STP Model – click to download (304KB pdf) 

 


Videos
 

Would you like to view videos I reference in my blogs?  You can find them by subscribing to my channel on YouTube

 

Switch to our mobile site