Generosity | Lorne Rubis

The Rat Challenge this Holiday Season?

201113 Dec
Comments1
Posted inBe Abundant

Key Point: rats are proven to demonstrate conscious empathy. They work to help each other get out of situations where they’re trapped. It is the “rat like” thing to do. Why can’t we humans more consciously help each other out of situations where we’re trapped? Let’s choose helping each other versus seeking self gratification. After all even rats resist eating that chocolate chip cookie before helping out a fellow rat.

I read about this very interesting study in The Big Think blog. My reaction was, “Wow, if rats’ natural action is to behave this way certainly we as people are capable of more with each other.”

“Now this paper, out in last week’s Science, will make them seem even more human: it turns out that rats will take the trouble to free a trapped fellow-rat for no physical reward (though there may be a warm, fuzzy feeling). In fact, even when there was a reward (delicious chocolates for the taking, next to the trapped victim) rats in these experiments often freed their fellow-rodent and shared the food, when they could have kept it to themselves.

Rodents have been shown to feel “emotional contagion” (which humans demonstrate when, for example, they screw up their faces in a pained expression while watching someone else get hurt). But the paper, by Inbal Ben-Ami Bartal, Jean Decety, and Peggy Mason is the first to demonstrate that the animals will take action to help others in distress. As Mason points out in this video, that’s a pretty big achievement, because it requires that the Helper Rat overcome the fear it feels emanating from the Victim Rat.”

Character Move:

Recognize when someone including ourselves is trapped in a situation, we need to ask for and/or give help. We cannot accept being trapped as a given.
Take the “rat road;” be persistent until freedom from a trapped situation arrives. Stay away from that narcissistic “cookie;” it will only distract us. The reward comes from helping and getting out of that trap whatever it may be.
If we are “helper” rats we have to overcome the fear we feel emanating from the rat needing help. Just help. Just do it. Celebrate the freedom.

I recognize that this rat metaphor is taking license by applying the learning of this experiment to people. But if rats have this ethic… well, it just makes me pause and wonder (hope you do to).

Solid “rat moves” in The Triangle,

Lorne

Would You Get Your Hands Dirty? Or, Are You a “Blind Passer-by”?

201112 Jul
Comments10
Posted inBe Abundant

You may recall from previous blogs that I ride a road bike for fun and exercise. The other day I was riding along and darn… I got a flat tire. It was a beautiful day and I wanted to get in a long ride. I hadn’t had a flat for while and was little rusty at changing my back tire. So I knew it was likely 15 to 20 minutes before I fixed it and was back on my bike, soaking in the sun (flat tire pros will scoff at this amount of time). There is a protocol in road biking: when you ride by someone who is off their bike on the side of the road, you ask them, “Do you have everything you need?” Or, “Do you need any assistance?” This is especially true on a country road and or when services are not easily accessible. Unfortunately, it’s not always convenient for the person riding by. We are all busy people, but it is the right thing to do. A tool or an extra pair of hands can really make a difference to a stranded biker. Ideally we go out biking prepared to be self sufficient, but circumstances can leave us in a tight spot from time to time. We all are likely to need help sometime.

On this particularity perfect day for riding, about 30 bikers passed by me while I was on the side of the road working on my tire (Mercer Island, Washington is a hot spot for road bikers). Interestingly about fifty percent asked me if I had everything I needed and/or stopped to see if they might help. One rider actually helped me with my chain which somehow got tangled up in the process. I could have managed it by myself, but the extra hands were really appreciated. This rider, as part of being generous, ended up with a hand full of grease; stopping to help meant “getting their hands dirty.” Chain grease is messy and something to be avoided. I greatly appreciated the support.

The other fifty percent rode by without saying a word and usually avoided trying to have any eye contact with me whatsoever. A few had an uncanny way of looking past me like I really didn’t exist at the side of the road. It was like I was the invisible man. Now I would be naïve not to think a lot of people who asked were actually hoping I would decline. I believe that if I did ask, most if not all, even if reluctantly, would have stopped to help. I did however become curious about the fifty percent that didn’t. Why not ask? Why not stop? There are probably lots of reasons unique to each person. However I do want to focus on and applaud those that were prepared to get their hands dirty.

Character Move: Who do you think at work may be struggling and needing a little assistance? Who might have a metaphorical flat tire? I know they are there “struggling on the side of the road.”

Be observant. Make that eye contact. Care about them (and yourself).
Genuinely ask if they have what they need and/or if they need help.
Be prepared to stop and get your hands dirty. They might take you up on it.
Helping does not mean you have to become the “fixer;” perhaps just a little encouragement, a lending hand, or a little listening is all that is needed.
Recognize that your schedule may be impacted but your character will be too!!

Get your hands dirty on the Triangle,

Lorne

Has the Music Found You? What Are You Practicing Right Now?

201131 May
Comments0
Posted inBe Abundant

When you purposefully practice, it means you are focused on your goal. Accomplished artists, athletes and professionals intensely work on achieving their goals, to be better at their crafts. We need to think of behaving the same way at work and in other parts of our lives. Some people believe that when you practice purposefully you also naturally attract, or become attracted to, people and resources that accelerate your development. The metaphorical music finds you as much as you make music.

Practice does not make perfect but it makes better.

So what if we applied this practice idea to the Character Triangle? Here are simple examples of what we could do:

Self-Accountability: every day practice taking action on one thing you would have avoided previously. Make that phone call; write that note. Every day do one thing and keep track of what you’ve done.

Respect: every day ask one person for their input that you normally wouldn’t have. Then really listen to what they have to say. Note it.

Abundance: every day look for an opportunity to give freely (kindness comes to mind as an example). Do it proactively. Open a door. Help someone carry something. Look for an opportunity to give, and journal your action.

In all three examples above you are acting with purpose; you’re practicing!

Character Move: for 30 consecutive days journal what you do in each of these three areas, observe how you feel, and how others react to you. Let me know the impact.

Practice, practice, practice in the Triangle,

Lorne

Your Last 50 cents… What Would You Do?

201124 May
Comments8
Posted inBe Abundant

My mom and dad married in 1945. He was 20 and she 17 years old. They managed to scrape up enough to buy a small farm: a few cows, chickens, pigs, and dirt for growing mixed grains. They had to borrow machinery from my grandpa to seed and they lived in a beat up old wood shingle shack. They of course had no power or indoor utilities …only a well and an outhouse. Most of all they were cash poor. Until they could get harvest money in the late fall, any cash came from selling milk, cream, and eggs. As a result they lived mostly on credit with merchants in the closest town, hoping to pay up after selling the crops. They often had less than a dollar in cash in the house after spending what little they had. One day a soldier, a world war two amputee, came to the door begging for help. He had 5 children and to my mom appeared desperate. He asked her if she could give him any money. So accepting the situation at face value, she went into the house and came back with 50 cents of the 53 cents they had left in their savings jar. She’s not sure why they kept the 3 cents, but as the poor veteran limped away down the drive way back to the main road, she recalls dad and her holding hands in the kitchen giggling. Perhaps generosity does that; it just promotes well being. They had almost nothing but gave almost everything they could.

My mom and dad were never materially rich but they never wanted for anything in life. More importantly they lived a life of contentment. And I believe that much of that contentment came from their abundant approach to life.

What I find interesting when I observe people at work is that no one is really asking them for their last 50 cents. So why be stingy with time and caring for team members? Why not give that little extra information? Take those extra few steps? Ask those few extra questions for understanding? Give that little bit of recognition?

Character Move: look at team members with a new sense of generosity. Think of going to the savings jar and realize it is always full. We have a never ending fund of generosity. It is possible to constantly give and never go “broke.” And the compounded interest we get is the well being and gratification of helping others.

Give 50 cents in the triangle,

Lorne

Character Triangle

Our character is exclusively ours. We define it by how we think and what we do. I believe that acting with Character is driven by what I call the Character Triangle.

What, exactly, is the Character Triangle (CT)?

The CT describes and emphasizes three distinct but interdependent values:

Be Accountable: first person action to make things better, avoiding blame.
Be Respectful: being present, listening, looking again, focusing on the process.
Be Abundant: generous in spirit, moving forward, minimizing the lack of.