A lot of people have asked me about what I think makes a truly great communicator. One thing I’ve always emphasized in responding, is the importance of remembering how you make people feel. However to make people feel a positive connection with you, PRESENCE is vital.  I recently ran across an iconic article written by Christopher von Baeyer entitled “The Power of Presence.” The following is the essence captured in 4 key elements:

1. PRESENT: The ability to be centered and aware in each moment of communication.
2. REACHING OUT: The ability to build and sustain an authentic relationship with one’s audience.
3. EXPRESSIVE: The ability to communicate dynamically and congruently with voice, body, mind and emotion.
4. SELF-KNOWING: The ability to reflect upon and leverage one’s unique identity as a person and a professional.

If you have consistent feedback and a validated understanding how to really apply the big 4 above, you’re probably a darn good people connector. If not , I suggest you learn more about about how to develop yourself more in this area . It is a never ending development journey. (By the way, great companies like The Boston Consulting Group, put leaders through days of training on this capability.)

Character move:

1. Recognize that developing an authentic personal communication system is something each of us can develop. It is a skill system and not just something we’re born with or not. We have to work at it.
2. Determine where you are relative to each of the 4 principles and pick ONE thing to work on (e.g.working at appropriate eye contact, remembering people’s names and something about them, finding our voice, etc.)
3.  Remember that at the end of every interaction, people will remember how you made them feel over everything else.

4. Make the ability to be a great communicator and people connector one of your core skills.

Be PRESENT in The Triangle,

- Lorne

1. Austen teaches us through the character Emma that moral responsibility means taking responsibility for the little world (what’s in our immediate control) not the big world. It means taking responsibility for ourselves!
2. Pride and Prejudice, though the character Elizabeth, reinforces that growing up is about the character and conduct we embrace when learning from our mistakes. We are born with a whole novel of mistakes in front of us. How we are self-accountable and learn from them is most important.
3. In the novel Mansfield Park, Jane Austen teaches us that love is a verb not a noun. Her story weaves and reinforces the concept of usefulness and value to other. In conclusion she reinforces that people’s stories are the most thing people have. Subsequently paying attention and listening to people’s stories is one of the most important things we can do for them.

Character Move:

1. The world’s best literature, from Austen to Shakespeare, has wonderful lessons for us. Let’s give ourselves time to read and learn from them. This is almost counterintuitive to the fast paced world of the web and other media.
2. Jane Austen’s conveyance of the importance of applying self-accountability, respect, and abundance flows through all of her novels and their rich characters. Recognize that there is something powerful to learn from the characters in novels and other media that passes the test of time.

Yesterday I walked past Jane Austen’s former home and through Sydney gardens where she famously walked daily. It made the sense of her work, which I once dismissed as “fluff,” now feel authentically very meaningful.

Love is a verb in Jane Austen’s Character Triangle,

Lorne

1. The miners chose NOT to be victims from the beginning. For 17 days without contact to the outside world they chose to live, to fight, and to move forward.
2. They worked together as a team, recognizing they each had a role to play in surviving. Imagine the respect for self and others during the 69 days. Anything else would have torn them apart.
3. They took 2 days worth of food and made it last 17. They chose to focus on what they had, not what they lacked. They had an abundant mind set in the scarcest environment.

The last miner up the rescue capsule, at his insistence, was the shift supervisor Luis Urzua. This man, while I obviously know little about him, likely embodies every element of the Character Triangle. His leadership was symbolized by his last act as shift supervisor. He chose to be first by being last.

While suffocating in total darkness sometimes generates the brightest light, you and I (thankfully) can embody and employ the aspects of self accountability, respect, and abundance daily without the need of a rescue capsule. What we need is the conscious presence and commitment to act that way daily.

Thank you to the Chilean miners and their competent and brave rescue team to remind us who we are and what living with character means.

Live the Triangle,

Lorne

Mr Hurd’s own quote: “This is a painful decision for me to make after five years at H.P., but I believe it would be difficult for me to continue as an effective leader at H.P. and I believe this is the only decision the board and I could make at this time.  As the investigation progressed, I realized there were instances in which I did not live up to the standards and principles of trust, respect and integrity that I have espoused at H.P.”

Mr. Hurd has millions of dollars to help salve his character wounds but I wonder how much of it he would give up to regain his reputation, whatever the facts.

I never want to use the Character Triangle (CT) as a self righteous evaluation and hammer to bludgeon others. Only Mark Hurd and the Board likely know the facts. And I trust and hope Hurd is in a state of deep self reflection. The CT is however, all about a constant framework and reminder regarding how you and I think and act. But watching and learning from others is important. And the song Amazing Grace often may be an appropriate tune to quietly hum.

And for most of us, well, we need a continual self reminder of how to make living with character a habit. It is a slippery and fast slope downward when we lose our way; and we all are vulnerable.

Whether high profile cases or our own minor daily skirmishes, a habit system of CT helps shine a light.  We all need to use that beacon in the choice we make and the actions we take.

I’m going to continue to be self accountable, respectful, and abundant,

with Character,

Lorne

“Never try to be better than anyone else …but always try to be the best you can be.”

This was the fatherly advice given to the legendary college basketball coach John Wooden, who passed away on June 4 at the age of 99 years. The great thing about John Wooden is that he was revered more for the man he was then for being college’s best basketball coach ever. And while his fame can be attributed to the remarkable championship run coaching the UCLA Bruins hoop team, my belief is that Wooden would have stood above the crowd regardless of the size of his platform.  Much has been written about Coach Wooden and I encourage you spending some time to get to know more about his character. Please see the links below and much more that’s available on the web. I really enjoyed the audio interview conducted by Anthony Robbins, called Power Talk. While talking to Robbins, Coach Wooden emphatically notes that from very early in life, he learned to focus on what he could control; his own behavior. By doing this, Coach looked at every minute of every day as an opportunity to contribute and did not waste time concerning himself with what he could not control. This is core to self accountability. But with Wooden one could also easily expound on his living and breathing respect and abundance too. He was truly a man with character and another member of the Character Hall of Fame.

with Character,

Lorne

John Wooden’s Love Letter; Rick Reilly, December 7, 2009

Coach Wooden’s last lesson is one of simple devotion, Bill Plaschke, LA Times, June 4, 2010

Yesterday a team member voluntarily washed a car for fellow worker who has been out of town for a month. It was just a small gesture of caring; of being kind and generous of spirit. In a story from The Times in England, neighbors packed and moved a family stranded in Florida because of the volcanic ash cloud.

Recently, I learned more about Rishi Nair, the 8-year-old son of one of our team members. A week ago Rishi appeared on The Today Show. Rishi was born without functioning kidneys. Instead of choosing the path of being a victim, Rishi and his family decided on the path of becoming a super hero and a “peaceful warrior.” Why not!?

He’s now a member of the “Character Hall of Fame.” If you have a Character Hall of Fame nominee, please let us know who, why, and how they apply the Character Triangle.

with Character,

Lorne

Being kind is actually a state of strength. It usually means you are present; aware of your surroundings. You can see and sense how to interact in a kind and polite way. But being nice doesn’t mean being a pushover – on the contrary. You can disagree and even point out inappropriate behavior in a direct and tough-minded way. The key is to focus on the behavior and not to imply or state a negative view of the person as an individual. Calling you a jerk doesn’t help when you cut me off in traffic. You likely didn’t even know you did or you had some other situation distract you. But once I call you a jerk and you flip me off, well things get personal.

If someone raises their voice in anger at you, you are within your rights to firmly state that this behavior is not acceptable. If this person wants to have a constructive dialogue with you they can be angry and they can be tough, but they can still be kind. The action of being kind usually disappears when one treats others in a way that attacks or ignores their sense of being. When actions toward others are rude, insensitive and /or oblivious; it is not kind. Nor is it in my opinion, necessary. Nice guys do win and in my opinion, in order to do so they have to be the toughest and strongest people of all.

My historical observation is that those people considered unkind are also least successful in the long run. They are often the most fearful and insecure. They make others feel bad to momentarily feel better. Who do you like to spend time with and work with? Kind people.

Be respectful. Be kind. Be tough.

with Character,

Lorne

Even if you haven’t read the book…listen to the following quote from Sergeant John Diem after a blaming session between brass and troops, as captured by Frederick… “If Colonel Kunk got up and said, “I *****d too. I have allowed you guys to turn into monsters. And I have completely forsaken you when you needed the support that only I had the power to provide. But I lacked the Character to do it. All of you failed. Me, and we as a family, as a 1st Battalion, Bravo Company, 1st Platoon, all the way down the line, have failed, …but nobody’s got the grit to say that. Everybody wants to say, “But it wasn’t my fault.””

With Character,

Lorne

If we have a crummy day or time, it’s important to dust ourselves off and reconnect with the values of the CT. Focus on what we can do the next minute, hour, day, month. What’s next is most important.

“A year from now, you may wish you had started today.” -Karen Lamb

Start now!

with Character,

Lorne

I want to invite you to “ride along” with me as I work as a CEO. Let me know how you feel about my observations and beliefs. Become a “Character” by contributing and refining what I call the ” Character Triangle”.

The Character Triangle (CT) connects what I believe are the three key values and drivers of Character: Accountability, Respect and Abundance. Thanks for joining me on the ride.

with Character,

Lorne