Be Accountable

Please Don’t Live From Weekend to Weekend

20133 May
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Key Point: What if Monday and Saturday both felt great? What if we did not live our lives looking forward to the day we “retired?” Instead, what if we lived like we aspired to live right NOW? Is this naïve thinking? Come on… Work is work… Leisure is leisure… Right? Wrong.

My mom lives in a seniors’ complex. I came through the front door the other day and this lovely elderly woman was sitting in the lobby. As I was waiting for the elevator to arrive, she explained that she was waiting to see when the lights in the atrium would automatically switch on based on the sun going down. “The other night I went to bed before they came on,” she explained. “Holy…” I thought. “Is this what I have to look forward to?”

Later that evening my wife and I watched a movie based on a true story, The Impossible, which depicted a family devastated by the tsunami that hit South Asia nearly a decade ago. I thought, “I am so grateful I haven’t had to experience that kind of event.” Thank goodness most of us are well in between the continuum of these two extremes: The total boredom of nothingness and the terror of just trying to stay alive.

So what? I think we need to be reminded to live our life with total joy each day. In just a blink of time, if we are lucky, we will be very fragile and sitting quietly in some senior’s lobby. Hopefully we will have avoided fighting for our lives through a tsunami or equivalent along the way.

Character Moves:

Do not wait for retirement or some future day to be happy and joy filled in your daily work/ life. That day may never come. The time to be fulfilled and joyful is NOW. Think about how you achieve that in your current work role. If you can’t, find something else to do.
Worrying about having enough money for “whatever” is practical and reasonable. But living in misery to get or stay there is not. Nothing is worth going about daily work life in a joyless way. We need to live from the “end” NOW! If we wait, who knows what will happen.
Some jobs are inherently tough. But relationships… Being loved by and loving others, do not need to be. Like Stephen Stills’ old country/folk song goes, “Love the One You’re With.”
Ask yourself what you want to do when you’re retired? Financially sound? Now pull it all forward and do it now… I’m serious. Do not wait to be fulfilled or happy. It’s not worth it!

Now in the Triangle,

Lorne

Can You Answer a ‘Beautiful, Haunting’ Question?

201323 Apr
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Key Point: The poet Mary Oliver asks this beautifully haunting question: “Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?” I have written much about the importance of being purposeful, proactive and strategic about one’s (work) life. Too often the immediacy of our daily job consumes us. Before long one “looks up,” years zoom by and in a reflective moment we ask: What happened? How much have I created? How have I brought value to the world? Many people have asked for guidance about how to practically go about being more definitive in determining a strategic approach to work. The following process provided by Greg McKeown is one of best approaches I have found. Try it and/or pass it on to someone who might appreciate the insight.

Step 1: Sketch Your Career. Use this simple tool to get a broader perspective. You start on the left at the beginning of your career and end on the right hand side (today). You draw a single line up if you were enjoying the experience and down if it was unfulfilling for you. Write down where you were working, what you were working on, and any other factors that shaped your experience.

 It ends up looking something like this:

Step 2: Connect the Dots. Use the sketch from Step One as a launch pad into being an anthropologist of your own life. Go somewhere quiet. You might think of it like a strategic offsite for your own life and career.

Ask: When was I truly happy and why? What activity or theme do I keep coming back to? What is my gravitational pull? When was work effortless for me? What isn’t working for me? When do I seem most like myself? When was it meaningless and why? When was work meaningful and why? Don’t rush the process. Pause long enough to listen. Write the answers down as they come so you can reflect on them later.

Step 3: Ask, “What Will I Create that Will Make the World Awesome?” That may sound like a bit of a wild question but an essential element of strategy is, to state the obvious, thinking about what we want to create in the future. (If “awesome” is too out there for you… Substitute “better”).

Ask: What would I do if I could do anything? What would I do if all jobs paid the same? If I could only achieve one thing in my career, what would it be? What do I really want? Again, these are big questions. But my experience is that people spend far more time worried about their job than in creating a vision for their career and how they can uniquely contribute to the world.

Character Moves:

Go on a personal off-site meeting “retreat” with yourself. Regardless where you are in your career, this is worth doing. The literature is filled with stories about people who made their most significant contributions at every age, time and place. It is never too early or too late. Do not be fearful and choose inertia over addressing these questions. Set the date and time for your personal offsite today
Treat yourself to something great after you do the hard work outlining the above. YOU ARE WORTH IT! Celebrate the fact that you learned something more about yourself.
Commit to taking small steps in the direction you’ve established or reset. Sometime a retreat like this can result in a BIG change but often the most successful outcome is taking many incremental steps that collectively lead us to a more desirable and purposeful outcome. Before you know it those same years pass by but you are much closer to the vision you have set for yourself.

Note: PURPOSE is usually a combination between what you’re good at, like to do, and others find value in. VISION is usually a desired future state, often defined by some visible, measurable evidence of achieving a set of intentional outcomes. VALUES are a given set of principles that guide the way you act and think. The Character Triangle represents the values I try to live by. My purpose and vision are related but different.

One wild and precious life in The Triangle!

Lorne

Being Self-Compassionate is for Wimps! Suck it Up?

201316 Apr
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Key Point: My last blog about falling out of the Character Triangle sparked more thought. It helped me better understand how much courage it takes to be self-compassionate. It requires us to release control, acknowledge our imperfections, admit that we make mistakes and always will. Rather than struggling with the unreachable goal of perfection, self-compassion requires us to let go of our resistance and go with it instead. Psychotherapist Bobbi Emel, wrote 5 Easy Ways to Be Nicer to Yourself on PicktheBrain.com, and did a wonderful job outlining myths and realities about self-compassion. I would like to share her views with you:

The Myths of Self-Compassion

Myth 1: Self-compassion is selfish.

Self-compassion can be seen as selfish, that taking care of yourself means you are not doing what you are supposed to be doing: Taking care of someone else.

Reality: Caring for others requires loving-kindness and authenticity. If you haven’t created those traits for yourself, how can you give them to others?

Myth 2: Self-compassion is indulgent.

You might be concerned that being nice to yourself just lets you off the hook and encourages you to be self-indulgent.

Reality: Self-compassion is about your health and well being while self-indulgence is about getting anything you want when you want it without thoughts of well being. Self-compassion is about noticing and being with your pain. Self-indulgence is about numbing and denying your pain.

Myth 3: Self-criticism is what motivates you.

Self-criticism does provide basic motivation, like keeping us safe.

Reality: We have many ways to keep ourselves safe, so we really don’t need a critical voice in our heads to do so. Similarly, we don’t need to be internally nagged and disparaged to accomplish things. Being self-compassionate gives you the confidence you need to motivate yourself.

Myth 4: Self-compassion is wimpy.

In our individualistic society, you are supposed to “pull yourself up by your bootstraps” and tough things out. Be kind to yourself? Quit being such a wimp!

Reality: Actually, self-compassion serves to heal and strengthen you. It is, in fact, the strongest and most resilient among us who have the courage to be kind to ourselves.

Character Moves:

Continue to learn from Emel, and embrace the following:

Acknowledge your suffering and pain. You have likely been conditioned to ignore, deny, or suppress your pain but this will only result in more suffering down the road. Practice noticing your pain, tender spots and gently give yourself validation that they are real and deserve compassion.
Treat yourself as you would a friend. Think for a moment of how you talk to yourself when you are going through a rough time. Now think about if your friend was experiencing the same thing. How would you talk to her? Him? Talk to and treat yourself as you would your friend. Speak gently to yourself. Be understanding.
Remember the idea of common humanity. Even if you are going through a tough time of your own doing, does that mean you shouldn’t be kind to yourself? No. It means you’re human.
Practice mindfulness without judgment. Mindfulness is about paying attention to your current experience without judgment. Rather than running away from or suppressing pain, mindfulness allows us just to be with these feelings as they are.

Be self-compassionate… No wimps in the Triangle,

Lorne

Are You Going to Get Cut, Traded or a Raise?

20139 Apr
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Posted inBe Accountable

Key Point: I hope you realize that you are being evaluated in your job today and literally everyday. If you were a general manager of a sports team, or a conductor of an orchestra, would you renew your contract (with a raise)? Why? Why not? In a somewhat related way, Jodi Glickman’s recent Harvard Business Review blog asks this question: “If you were a stock, would you bet on yourself?“

Please understand that any effective team leader is asking these types of questions ALL the time: “How do I make my team stronger?” “What new skills do I need?” “How is my business changing?” “What does this mean regarding the competences and attributes of my team members?” If a leader/manager is not thinking this way, he or she will lose their jobs sooner than later. Perhaps you think that’s not happening in your world, but if not, I believe it will be shortly. Even concepts like university tenured positions are likely not sustainable. It sounds callous but unless we own our own businesses, we are all free agents on “contract.” And guess what? We actually do own our own business and it’s called “YOU Inc.” Now what?

This is not about whether you and I are likable or try hard. Organizations in almost every market and jurisdiction are continuously and rapidly morphing to offer better value others want to invest in. No institution can rely on past value. Present and future value is all that counts. Don’t take it personally, but your job is a sub plot in this bigger story.

Character Moves:

Honestly answer the question. Are you solidly placed to continue or are you at risk? Would you invest in “YOU Inc.?” Put feelers into the market. Who wants your services? Are you an appreciating asset?
Determine what you want to become a “master” craftsman in and continue to invest in that competency. But you have to put yourself on a continuous development program. And be sure that there is a future need for that skill. If you go home and watch a lot of TV every night instead of developing yourself, networking, etc… Say goodbye to your job. It’s only a question of when, not if.
In addition to a set of master skills, your attribute and character needs continuous practice and development. If you are not developing your Emotional Quotient, some one with the same level of technical competence as you will have done so. That makes them more valuable than you. Become more self aware, and committed to personal emotional growth.
Grow your own personal brand. Don’t be bashful about selling yourself. If you don’t believe in yourself, no one else likely will. Become an exceptional sales person and self-promoter. Get over it. There is nothing sleazy about this if its done thoughtfully and presented in the context of adding real benefit to others.
Do not become complacent or think you’re not expendable. In every organization there are people on the “bubble,” at risk of losing their jobs and many are blind to it. Put yourself in charge by committing to a better, renewed and improved “YOU Inc.” Sell yourself everyday. By the way, if you did super great in the past, enjoy the plaque you received. It will be appreciated but you are being evaluated in the present.
Attach yourself to organizations committed to your personal equity development, which treat you with respect and as a member of that team. Regardless of how the business model will change, that organization will consciously care about you as a team member. Even if you are asked to leave, you will be treated with fairness and dignity. (Remember that everything including the role you’re in ends… Be ready for the next great step for “YOU Inc.”)

Renewed contracts in The Triangle,

Lorne

Character Triangle

Our character is exclusively ours. We define it by how we think and what we do. I believe that acting with Character is driven by what I call the Character Triangle.

What, exactly, is the Character Triangle (CT)?

The CT describes and emphasizes three distinct but interdependent values:

Be Accountable: first person action to make things better, avoiding blame.
Be Respectful: being present, listening, looking again, focusing on the process.
Be Abundant: generous in spirit, moving forward, minimizing the lack of.