Let’s say your goal is to be a better leader. Identify a core group of people who care enough about you to be thoughtful, frank and really want to help you improve. Ideally this group would include a combination of peers, direct reports, and your boss. Ask each of those people for just ONE day to day leadership behavior they would suggest you adopt. Ideally, working on this would be actionable and specific. An example could be, “be more present and attentive when we have our one-on-one meetings.”

Collect the data from each person and say “thank you” for their suggestion. Do not judge the ideas given to you. Regardless of how helpful or not you think the comment is… Just say “thank you.”

When you get all the data, pick just ONE key thing you are honestly willing to commit to and execute on it.

Then get a progress report on how well you’re doing. Go back to the people you asked for “feed forward” help and check to see if they see behavior change in you. “Hey, remember when you suggested I be more present at one-on-ones? How am I doing? See any improvements?” If you have, keep building more “feed forward” goals. If not, you have work to do…

Character move:

1. Try a “feed forward” process ASAP. It works in the office AND at home. For example, “tell me one thing I could do to be a better Dad? Son? Daughter? Partner?” 
2. Remember to say, “thank you.” No passing judgment.
3. Pick one thing, commit to the behavior until it becomes a good habit, and get a report card on that specific thing.
4. Do it over and over… Evolve!

“Feed Forward” in The Triangle,

Lorne

No related posts.

Key Point: Marshall works with exceptionally capable people as an executive coach. Most are CEOs of the world’s largest companies. And even these people lose their way. The only way for these high achievers to improve is to get a “mirror” and really see how their behavior is impacting others. This is more challenging than one thinks. Frankly, it’s challenging because people suck up to their bosses. The higher one goes in a company, the funnier our jokes get, and ideas more “brilliant.” We don’t like really obvious “suck ups,” but if we are honest most of us do pander (subtly) to our bosses and find it difficult to point out their shortcomings. It is even tougher than when we’re dealing with a CEO.

All CEOs (me included) have lots of confidence and big egos. And it’s that big ego that usually gets us off compass. We need to tweak behaviors that set us off course from time to time and we usually need help from people we care about, to make those course corrections. Goldsmith points out about 20 common behavioral missteps. I’m going to focus on four.

1. Winning too much. This one is an area that I personally have to improve on. I feel like I have to literally win at everything, regardless of how little or big. I’ve been so darn competitive all my life that I can lose my way if not careful. Of course a winning spirit is important, but when we do it to excess and apply it in situations that are not worth our time and energy, it limits our success. My trivial example is that I have to always be right when my wife points out my bad driving habits. Frankly she is normally right, but I argue with her anyways. Why? Does it really matter? This flaw at work can get us off course because we might unwittingly put our need to win over what’s best for the company.

2. Adding too much value. I worked for one person that just couldn’t stop when it came to adding too much value. You could come with a Nobel Prize idea and you would get, “already knew that and thought of it years ago” and/or “it’s a good idea but it would be better if…” The problem with this behavioral defect is that it totally diminishes the ownership of the idea. The irony is that often as bosses, we only add 5 percent value. What is the real contribution? Is 5 percent worth taking away the motivation the presenter? Certainly when we know something someone proposes is going to cause harm, we have an obligation to weigh in. But in most cases if we step back and focus on others winning versus us “having to add value,” we become even more successful.

3. Passing judgment. When people offer suggestions or help, we cannot pass judgment because if we do, it just pushes people away. If people want to help and the outcome is “that’s stupid,” “won’t work,” “idiot idea,” etc. it ensures people who genuinely care about helping will think better of it next time. Whatever we think of the idea, the only right response is, “thank you.” When we just acknowledge the offer to help with a “thank you” and go from there, we will eliminate pointless arguments and negative conflict.

4. Making destructive comments: When we make destructive comments it is mental graffiti. It just sticks around as an ugly memory. If the comments we’re making are not beneficial to customers, the organization, or the person we’re talking to and/or about… DON’T SAY IT! It just detracts from others and us. I especially detest the act of trashing other people. It is not respectful.

Character move:

1. Assess how much you are dominated by having to win all the time. Have a little talk with Mr. or Ms. Ego.
2. When some one presents an idea, think about the trade off of “adding too much” value versus just giving them a thumbs-up and gifting them the joy of making their own idea come alive.
3. Just say “THANK YOU” when someone offers suggestions intended to help. The ideas are not to be received as “good” or “bad,” but just what they are… neutral. Accept and go from there.
4. No destructive trash talking period. Ever. We’re not perfect but take a moment before letting that little sarcastic, cynical, gossipy tongue waggle!

Getting there from here in The Triangle,

Lorne

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1. Lessons From Drinking With a Leadership Guru

Key Point:

This man has a Ph.D. from UCLA. He teaches executive education at Dartmouth’s Tuck School and frequently speaks at other leading business schools. His work has been recognized by almost every professional organization in the leadership world. The American Management Association named him as one of 50 great thinkers and leaders who have influenced the field of management over the past 80 years. Business Week listed him as one of the most influential practitioners in the history of leadership development. He was recognized as a Fellow of the National Academy of Human Resources, America’s top HR honor. His work has been featured in a New Yorker profile, Harvard Business Review interview and Business Strategy Review cover story (London Business School).

Major business press acknowledgments include: The Wall Street Journal (one of the top 10 executive educators), Forbes (one of five most-respected executive coaches), India’s Economic Times (as one of five rajgurus of America), The UK’s Economist (one of three most credible executive advisors in the new era of business), and Fast Company (as America’s preeminent executive coach). His 23 books include: The Leader of the Future (a Business Week best-seller), Coaching for Leadership and the upcoming Developing Your Successor (in the Harvard Business Memo to the CEO series). The bio above, as many of you have already determined, belongs to the renowned Dr. Marshall Goldsmith.

On the night of May 7, I did spend a few hours over a glass of wine with Marshall. It was three of us, in the ultra hip Hotel Le Germain lounge in Calgary. Just Marshall, a big time CEO and me. That same day, before getting to Calgary, he talked to the CEO of Ford (CEO of the year , Alan Mulally), the head of The World Bank (Dr. Jim Yong Kim), Dave and me. He finally hit the big time with us (haha). I learned so much from this man during our time together that evening that I am going to share it with you over a couple of blogs.

So what did I learn? Lesson No. 1 (and you get this insight from Marshall before 99.9 percent of others).

Marshall and his Yale educated Ph.D. daughter, have been doing research on employee engagement. Here is what they are finding out (totally in sync with The Character Triangle). When we ask people active questions versus passive questions, employee engagement improves significantly.

A passive question would be, “are you engaged in your work?”

An active question would be, “did you do your best to be engaged at work?”

The point is that the person who has the most to gain from employee engagement is the employee. When active questions are asked, self-accountability emerges. When we ask passive questions, the response is environmentally driven rather than personal. (For example; the organization is responsible for me being engaged more than me taking responsibility).

Character move:

1. An active question begins with a phrase like: “Did I do my best to..?” Learn to distinguish active versus passive questions.
2. Ask yourself and your team active questions. The four BIG ones according to Marshall are: A. Did I do my best to be happy today? B. Did I do my best to find meaning today? C. Did I do my best to be engaged today? And D. Did I do my best to build positive relationships today?
3. Recognize that the only way people will change and commit to improve their engagement is because in their hearts they want to, AND they recognize they have the most to gain from doing so! 

Active questions in the Triangle,

- Lorne

P.S. – Stay tuned for more lessons from “drinking with Marshall!”

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Key Point:

As noted in a recent Big Think blog by Jonah Lehrer: 

“What gets the alpha waves flowing, facilitating the semi-dream-state in which we’re best able to connect those unlikely dots, is a change of scenery – a long aimless walk, for example, or travel abroad. In this sense, the Internet, an endless web of discovery and rabbit holes to alternate dimensions, is an enormous creativity machine.”

What is your individual and leadership process for driving creative innovation?

Lehrer explains in his new book Imagine: How Creativity Works, that neuroscientists are focusing on inspiration as a function of the right hemisphere of the brain (the less literal half that exceeds at making associations between things that don’t obviously go together). And there is further evidence that it is often the outsider who is best able to “think outside of the box” in order to approach longstanding problems in an entirely new way. That is another reason why accelerating diversity and collaboration in its fullest sense is so important to organizations. In our financial institution we’re trying to get people to think outside of the “vault.” Diversity in every sense, along with investing in collaboration skills is a priority.

What if we could harness the web’s unique power to enable unlikely insights? That was Eli Lilly’s intention when it helped to develop InnoCentive, (a crowdsourcing site where it could post its thorniest R&D problems for anyone to solve, and reap a monetary reward). InnoCentive was designed to expand Eli Lilly’s brainpower, by tapping into a larger pool of innovators than the company could ever employ. 30 to 50 percent of the problems posted on InnoCentive were solved. A study by Karim Lakhani at Harvard Business School shows that experts outside of the field, (chemistry problems solved by physicists, engineering problems solved by chemists, etc.) solved most problems on InnoCentive.

This is further evidence that it is often the outsider who is best able to “think outside of the box,” to approach longstanding problems in an entirely new way or take the conversation in a completely different direction. This happens precisely because he/she isn’t constrained by the “common sense” of the discipline.

Character move:

1. Recognize that innovation and creativity is a process, individually and collectively.
2. Develop your own personal process and approach to innovation and creativity.
3. Embrace the fullest definition of diversity to embrace thinking outside the box.
4. Clearly defining the problem you want to solve is a skill. Cause and effect are not closely related in space and time. The up front clarity and work at getting insight on this is critical to accelerate innovation.
5. Harness the web to help get creative and innovative solutions. And learn about Silicon Valley’s IDEO; arguably one of the best companies in the world at translating innovation into huge commercial success.

Creativity and innovation in The Triangle,

Lorne

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2. Value Card Versus Business Card?

Key point:

My view is that EQ is the real differentiator these days. Most companies have more than ample IQ machismo. But organizations, business models, processes, systems, etc. are run by people. And the full court press on productivity and speed in today’s organizations, exacerbated by technology and global competition, is relentless. There is no such thing as “down time” unless you want to go out of business. So we have to equip ourselves with ever increasing skills in self-awareness, self-mastery, and super powers that enable us to connect within ourselves and to others. Our mission is to personally evolve AND develop exceptional value. Ideally the organizations we work at, like Google, make that skill development opportunity available through formal learning opportunities. If not, (and many organizations don’t get it) we need to find the resources to develop ourselves without depending on our employers.

Character move:

1. Find out the content in Google’s “Search Inside Yourself” course (read Tan’s new book of the same title). Search for other EQ development courses offered.
2. Determine key skills in the areas of attention training, self- knowledge and self-mastery that you want to develop. There are many ways of accessing great resources other than what Google has to offer. Many very credible teachers are on-line and/or in your local area.
3. Develop your own, personal “Search Inside Yourself” course and take one step at a time, over a lifetime. Ideally find a “buddy” or two you can work with to make the journey more fulfilling and successful.
4. Learn about the Siberian North Railroad (S.B.N.R.R.). Stop.Breathe.Notice.Reflect.Respond.

SIY in The Triangle

- Lorne

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“Perhaps the greatest asset in social capital is that of benevolence. It’s easy to get caught up in a cycle of paying it backward, where we expect to be paid or rewarded for our goods, services, or actions. However, those who invest in helping others or those who pay it forward will earn something greater than a reaction, they will earn a repository of reciprocity. As human beings, we have an innate desire to repay favors to maintain a balance of social fairness whether or not those favors were invited.”

I know from my 40+ years in business that the above is a “truism.” If we make a point to just give without expecting reciprocity at work, we will build a network of support that will be powerful. It has to be genuine but if we act with care and sincere benevolence, our “social capital bank account” grows exponentially. I’m not talking about just the big recognition events but mostly the day-to-day stuff. Think about the following actions in just ONE day of thoughtful action:

1. You smile and walk into the office and ask how the receptionist’s weekend was and you genuinely listen with presence to the response. (Investment: A mind-set and a few minutes).

2. You bring in a latte for a colleague who you know has little time to get one in the morning. (Investment: $3.50 and a little planning).

3. You send a quick email sincerely complimenting a teammate on something they did. (Investment: Five minutes and a habit in your daily system).

4. You give a call to a colleague as a “heads up” on an issue you know they need to be aware of. (Investment: Five minutes and caring about impacting others).

5. You send a personal card of thanks to someone who helped you on a project. (Investment: Five minutes and a little planning to make this easy to do).

6. At lunch, you Tweet-a-Beer to a friend outside of work; someone who you know is celebrating/struggling/or you just want to let know you’re thinking about them. (Investment: $5 dollars and two minutes to send on Tweet-a-Beer).

7. You walk by a colleague and with meaning ask them about their child, partner, project, car, whatever you are interested in knowing about. (Investment: Five minutes, caring and being present minutes).

8. You thank your boss for the help they gave you on a recent difficult issue. (Investment: Common sense and recognizing your boss likes to get acknowledged too).

9. You pick up your coffee cup and trash after a meeting so someone else doesn’t have to. (Investment: Common courtesy).

10. You schedule a meeting at another person’s space purposefully so you can recognize others from another department as you walk in to the meeting. (Investment: Travel time).

The 10 actions above are almost “free” and probably net around 30 minutes of time investment. And other than minimal time, they can involve zero monetary investment if you choose. But think about the “social capital bank account” you will build when you do some variation of the above activities DAILY! This is the social capital version of compound interest!

Character move:

1. Apply a benevolence mind set to establish a “social capital bank account.”
2. Develop a genuine (you can’t pretend or fake this) game plan to recognize others as part of your daily routine.
3. Commit to a minimum of five conscious and thoughtful acts a day. Make it a habit. (Then you can progress to 10+).
4. Watch your “bank account” grow!
5. Obviously you have to work on your skill and competence too, but when you build your social capital “bank account,” you leverage your results!

Getting rich at work in the Triangle,

Lorne

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Organizations are taking skill, education and experience as just the key to get in the door. Attributes are the distinguishing factors. Whether you get invited to the party is a matter of the attributes you demonstrate and your “story” is the evidence needed to prove you genuinely have them embedded.

Let me give you an example. You want a top-notch sales person. Does he/she have an MBA? Top 25 percent of the graduating class? (Check). Does the person get results (i.e. top 10 percent of sales performance, and always above target?). (Check). Has she/he worked in an industry where customer relevance matters to this role? (Check). OK, now you get to compete against the other finalists who rate about the same on skill, education, and results. The big tiebreaker is their attributes.

No organization really wants to invest in core attribute development. Ideally, we want people with the desired characteristics in place and then we will heavily invest to improve speed to significant contribution. My argument is that the values in The Character Triangle are clear qualities that will prove to distinguish you from others.

As an example, the interviewer may ask for the following: Can you outline examples where you faced adversity but acted with self-accountability to thrive? Here is a scenario on your Facebook wall where you seem to contradict a belief in respect for others? Please explain. Identify seven or more things you have done in the last two weeks to confirm a deep belief in abundance. Can you describe the benefits to yourself? Others?

Character move:

1.  Recognize that companies are seriously dedicated to filtering based on attributes.
2.  Research whether your core attributes match the organization you want to join.
3.  Develop an evidence-based story to validate how your desired attributes come to life.
4.  Keep developing the stories of how you have applied the desired attributes and the opportunity.

 The pie expands dramatically!

P.S. I recently did a radio interview with highly respected business blogger, Wayne Hurlbert, of Blog Business World.

This is a relevant comment that Hurlbert says about The CT in his book review: 

“People are naturally drawn to and inspired by people of character. This book will ensure that you are one of those people who make a real difference in the world and in the lives of others.”

 Leadership attributes in The Triangle,

Lorne

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The mission is to build the largest structure you can with 20 sticks of spaghetti, one yard of tape, one yard of string and one marshmallow that has to be placed at the top of the structure. Over my career, I have participated in similar activities and I’m always surprised about team dynamics. There is always one team that connects better and achieves the best result. And as much as these “training events” can feel contrived, I must admit that there is real meaningful learning from observing and participating in them.

In his TED talk “Build a tower, build a team”, Tom Wujec shares his findings from performing this challenge with a variety of different groups like recent business school graduates, lawyers, engineers, CEOs, and even kindergarten students. As you would expect (and thank goodness) architects and engineers do the best over all. But kindergarten kids perform better than many other teams, including groups of MBA students. After conducting this challenge with hundreds of groups there are a number of key learning’s. However I want to highlight three that really stuck with me during my recent marshmallow meltdown.

1. Start with the marshmallow on top! It’s about fast continuous feedback and prototype.

In our group we tried to execute on the grand design, culminating with ceremoniously placing the marshmallow on top. Of course, with the assigned time running out and my group frantically trying to complete the task, the structure completely collapsed as we crowned the marshmallow. Every kindergarten class likely would have done better than our group did. Teams that prototype, get continuous feedback and fail or succeed fast, do better. Kindergarten kids seem to more naturally adopt an iterative process of testing and reviewing outcomes to improve and refine their design. By having this immediate feedback, as opposed to finding out afterwards from the exercise organizers what they could have done to improve their structure, the children were able to create some of the tallest structures among the various participants in this challenge.

2. Foster a culture where listening and challenging assumptions is revered.

Another reason why kindergarteners performed better than many adults is because they are more open to ideas and suggestions. They are better at peer review and focusing on the objective. They not only do a better job of prototyping, starting with the marshmallow on top and building from there, they also seem to handle listening and challenging assumptions in a more robust way. As Wujec humorously points out, there is less jockeying around to see who should be “CEO of Spaghetti Inc.” In our group, one of our team members had the best idea (as proven later by the group with the highest structure). However, instead of really listening to this person’s suggested approach, we somehow went a different direction that didn’t workout. We didn’t listen well enough and the person with the winning approach gave up too easily.

3. Everyone has to understand the PICTURE to fully contribute.

Structural design is not a strength of mine. When a couple of people took the lead on the design during the marshmallow challenge, I honestly couldn’t understand the approach. So in an effort to provide value and not slow down the group, I eventually sought out the tape-cutting job because I knew it needed to be done. But I couldn’t fully participate because I just didn’t get it. I had a responsibility to better understand the proposed design solution. If I had fought for that understanding, I would have added value and I would have also discovered that I was not alone. I don’t think most of us fully understood it but we all worked feverishly to make “it” happen anyway. Hmm…

Character Move:

1. Determine where you might be able to put the marshmallow on top first and fast prototype. Get quick and continuous feedback. This applies to personal plans as well as business activities. We don’t have to bet the “farm” before we see whether we’re going in the right direction.
2. Are you challenging some assumptions you know should be? Are you inviting assumptions to be challenged? Why not? What will you do about it? Be accountable.
3. Understand the vision and the path to get there. If you don’t, you’ll end up just cutting tape and that won’t be gratifying for very long.

Marshmallow on top in The Triangle,

Lorne

Related posts:

1. Climbing to the Top of the Character Triangle

Key point:

For five years, Cornell professor Karl Pillemer interviewed the savviest seniors he could find, more than 1,000 of them, and from this material distilled 30 powerful life lessons. (And since I now qualify as a senior, I think this is a brilliant exercise). The book includes a distinct chapter on career advice based on the wisdom generated from his subjects’ 50,000 years of work experience. The following are what Pillemer calls the “refrigerator list” of the five lessons siphoned from all that experience.

1. Choose a career for the intrinsic rewards, not the financial ones.
2. Don’t give up on looking for a job that makes you happy.
3. Make the most of a bad job.
4. Emotional intelligence trumps every other kind.
5. Everyone needs autonomy.

Character move:

All of the above are complimented by leading research on motivation, leadership, happiness, etc. that I have referred to in many previous blogs. It is reassuring that sage advice and science intersect in a mutually supportive way. The following are key actions that correspond to and reinforce the refrigerator list.

1. Focus on contribution and value; compensation follows along in a way that usually works. Remember the benefit of intersecting what you are good at, like to do, and the value an organization needs. You are accountable to connect all three areas.
2. Happiness at work most often is related to being valued by others and doing a job (even lousy ones) exceptionally well. Excellence has its rewards. Expect to find happiness at work related to a growth mind set along with the 3-way intersection defined in No. 1 above.
3. All of us will at one time or another have jobs (or tasks within jobs) that just plain suck. The only way out is to add defined value to the job. Often when you give your best, the “exit” from a lousy job finds you. Sometimes that bad job is the reference you need to fully appreciate the great ones.
4. Remember that emotional intelligence (EI) balances judgment, self-awareness and empathy. When you realize EI trumps every other intelligence it is the great career leveler. Organizations are filled with high IQ people that find it difficult to connect with others. They are smart but just struggle to leverage their brain into relationship effectiveness. Developing a high Emotional Quotient (EQ) is as accessible to you as anyone. Go work on it! By the way, applying The Character Triangle reinforces EQ development!
5. The one thing that is a must for all of us, is to be able to make decisions and have a level of control over what we do. The way we generate happiness and value at work, is through the learning we acquire from taking action and participating in the consequences. The dumbest thing people in management do is suck away autonomy. It is the “choke hold” so often needlessly applied by managers who think everything must go through their personal ring of fire. Fight for autonomy but be humble and keep your ego in check in the process. Bring value and autonomy often emerges.

Listening to the wisest in The Triangle,

Lorne

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On April 16 I was blessed with another first time. I walked in the front door, rode the elevator to the top floor and began. Getting ready started weeks ago but it was truly “game time” on Monday. Here’s what I had to anticipate. Everyone I interact with would make an initial assessment. My priority was to have my antennae finely tuned. I needed to be present and sense everything around me. So I will be purpose driven in being the best possible listener. My eye contact, firm handshake, smile and professional demeanor are important but the most significant action is measured by the depth and meaningfulness of questions I ask. And then demonstrating an acute level of understanding and empathy in collecting the answers. My ego needs to take a quiet seat on the back of the bus. I will find the best-placed seat for me by listening carefully to every rider and deeply caring about their well-being.

Character move:

1. If you want to have a great first day, you need to start by taking a picture of your desired last day. What will they say about your contribution and legacy the day you leave? Paint that picture of the value you will leave behind with as much specificity and clarity as possible.
2. Begin day one by making every interaction a conscious one. Make a contribution by listening with fierce understanding. Remember every person counts… Beginning with the parking attendant. You are a scientist, investigative journalist, and artist. Bring all your skills and talent to the forefront.
3. Remind yourself that it is a privilege to serve and that the team you join is also fortunate that you are bringing your talent and energy too. It is the mutual, respectful exchange of oxygen between you and the organization that drives a sustainable, rewarding relationship.
4. Begin every day like it’s the first. Stop and reflect at the end of the day. Write down how you moved the “ball forward” that day… Sometimes a little… Sometimes a lot!
5. Give yourself a little room going in. No one expects perfection. And not everyone will be nice, play fairly or care about you. What matters most is how you think and act. The rest will take care of itself eventually, and the end day will be reasonably close to what you envisioned and declared on day one.

First time and The Triangle,

Lorne

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