Last Friday evening at a brilliant gala celebration of award winners at the company I’m privileged to work for, I watched one of Canada’s heroes, Rick Hansen, roll on stage as key note speaker and magically connect with several hundred people.

Many throughout the world know Rick for his Man in Motion Tour. 25 plus years ago, with a hope, dream and few resources, he propelled his wheel chair 40,000 kilometers through 34 counties raising $26 million for spinal research. By the time the tour was over, 60,000 people filled BC Place in Vancouver to joyfully welcome him home. Rick is of course wheel chair bound, but I believe his inspirational genius has little if anything to do with his disability. Millions of people are unfortunately in wheel chairs. Rick has something else. And it is more than vision, values, integrity, and other desirable characteristics. Most people, thank goodness, think and behave with a solid combination of these traits. I believe true inspiration happens at the connection point between the inspired and inspiree. There is transfer of energy that takes place that seems to cause someone to do something based on what is seen and heard. Rick has this energy wand at his fingertips. He is catalytic.

I watched Rick during the evening. He challenged all of us to be “difference makers.” And he absolutely makes it clear that difference making is accessible to all. On the stage he never stops moving his wheel chair. He is a metaphor. He is a man in motion. And somewhere in the relationship, it seems to happen. In that rolling back and forth, in that challenging stare from those lake blue eyes… It happens… You can’t help but think, “I can do it too,” “I can be a difference maker,” “I need to be in motion.” As I’ve noted many times before I believe WE are “verbs” more than “nouns.” It is a human need to move… To roll… Towards others… Which ultimately and deliciously rolls back right towards us, filling us up to continue our journey.

Character Moves:

1. Search out those who inspire you. What about their motion makes you want to move? Recognize that all of these people are flawed just like you and I, but are in motion for a higher purpose. They are in service.
2. Know that you will be an inspiration when you move and contribute to others. Not many of us will be Rick Hansen’s and inspire millions, but we can inspire those around us… Not simply by our intent, but by where and how we put ourselves in motion. We will be surprised who we touch, and how that handshake translates.
3. Recognize that our forward purpose driven motion is culiminative. Over time we travel many miles and in serving others, this becomes a tour… Our tour.

Thank you Rick.

In motion in the Triangle,

Lorne

Think about great conversations you’ve had. My belief is that a common element of the most gratifying exchanges is the feeling of being listened to. When your partners in conversation really cared about what you thought or said, and when you sincerely appreciated their thoughts and views too. I bet that all the people involved asked lots of questions with genuine consideration to the responses. Now think about the conversations that haven’t gone well. What characterized those?

I recently was introduced to someone over a business lunch. The entire exchange was about him. I asked him questions and off he’d go. He paused to gulp down his sandwich or wait to talk about himself some more. Frankly, I figured he had little interest in me and subsequently was not very invested in where our relationship went. Think about all those dinners you’ve been at where the person sits next to you, says almost nothing, and puts little if anything into learning about you. It is challenging not to conclude that this person is either socially inept and/or doesn’t really care about the relationship. It is a little like the person often sitting next to us on planes. Many of us don’t invest in conversations during flights, not because we are unfriendly but because we are likely not going to see them again.

Character Moves:

1. Although most conversations happen naturally as part of daily living, think about each one as a relationship builder to be cared for… Not just a “talk.” Ask yourself quietly how much the relationship moved forward based on the exchange you completed.
2. Ask lots of questions to make sure you really understand the other person’s intent. When you are sincerely interested in their views, ask them for advice or insight.
3. Be vulnerable and authentic. It is ok to be open about things you feel hesitant about, to be genuinely humble, and to have a self-deprecating sense of humor. We know people aren’t perfect. When you open up, often others do too. You make it safe for them to do so.
4. Use language that is more open to outcomes than sounding totally definitive. Words like “might,” and “could be,” when explaining or taking a position, give room for more views and possibilities to be explored. Remember your view is only one perspective.
5. Stop, breathe, listen, and speak when you have something to move the conversation and relationship forward. If you don’t have anything of value to add, it is ok to actively listen.

Careful conversations in the Triangle,

Lorne

“When Melinda (Bill Gate’s wife) and I learned how little useful feedback most teachers get, we were blown away. Until recently, over 98 percent of teachers just got one word of feedback: Satisfactory. If all my Bridge coach ever told me was that I was ‘satisfactory,’ I would have no hope of ever getting better. How would I know who was the best? How would I know what I was doing differently?”

The two basic elements regarding meaningful and effective feedback belong to the mindset of the giver and receiver. The giver has to sincerely care about the receiver, and the receiver has to want to learn from the feedback. Even better, the receiver has an almost insatiable thirst for getting feedback. They are ideally non-defensive and always searching for more insight, self-discovery and learning. And perhaps even better yet, the giver, or “coach,” has the exceptional gift for teaching, is very knowledgeable, a keen observer and translator able to connect the behavior of the receiver to a better way of doing or saying things.

Be able to apply an effective feedback model. The following process is an example:

Giver: “Would you like some feedback?” (Do not give feedback if the receiver is not ready to hear it).

Receiver: “Yes, I would.”

Giver: “Before I give you my feedback and insight, what do you think (regarding the subject matter) went well? What would you continue to do more of?”

[Receiver answers.]

Giver: “What do you think you might do less of or stop doing?”

[Receiver answers.]

Giver: “What are one or two very specific actions you might take (by a certain time)?”

[Receiver answers.]

Giver: Would you still like my feedback? If the receiver says “yes,” the Giver states… “This is what I would encourage you to continue to do more of,” “This is what I would encourage you to stop doing, or do less of,” “this is what I would encourage you start doing…” “I might enhance your action plan with… (If anything).”

Receiver: Ask lots of questions to get clarification and to REALLY understand the insight you have been given. Always end the discussion by THANKING the giver.

Character Moves:

1. By applying the above process, you allow the receiver to start from their own self-assessment and build from there. The self-assessment as the first phase allows the giver an opportunity to understand the gap between the receiver’s understanding and the giver’s assessment.
2. If you are a receiver, do not wait for feedback… Go to someone who genuinely cares about you, someone with knowledge, and proactively ASK for it. Use this process or a modified version from learning how to play Bridge better (as Bill Gates does) to more comprehensive performance reviews. By the way, when you get feedback, accept it and be open to it. Not every giver is accurate, but be genuinely interested in the value of their perspective.
3. The most effective learners and leaders are on a constant journey for self-development and want “tough love.” They enjoy positive feedback of course, but are totally open to recognizing the opportunity for serious improvement regardless of their level of competence.

Feedback and Bill Gates in The Triangle,

Lorne Rubis

The wonderful counterbalance is that my bucket for capturing golden moments is beginning to overflow. When I make a point of being present and allow my mind to slow, I capture more of them. This of course applies to all parts of our lives, but since this blog is mostly about work, let me focus on that. I’m not just talking about the BIG ones… The “good” or “bad” ones… Just YOUR moments. I remember standing in front of several hundred people at a company conference that brought together colleagues from all parts of the world for the first time. At the gala dinner event, the night was sparkling in every respect. I strode onto the stage as MC, grabbed the podium. The room stopped for just a second, at that moment I said, “ladies and gentlemen… Tonight … Right now… One of our team members on this globe is serving a customer”… The place went nuts with cheering and high fives. That was a “moment.”

I also remember tightly closing the door on the house that for 10 years was the office of the consulting company my partner and I built. It was a hot Sunday afternoon… No one was around… That was one of the loneliest and empty feelings I’ve ever had…A “moment” for me for sure.

And my bucket includes memories of too many friends I’ve had to fire… The look between us… The feel of the last handshake… Their backs as they walked out the door… Those are “moments.”

Right this very moment I’m on a bus driving through the town of Chippenham in the UK… The European home of the company I was CEO of for eight years. Truly, a golden moment. I doubt I will come back through this town very often… If ever again.

Character Moves:

1. Acknowledge that the relationship jar of marbles is emptying. Enjoy those people you love to work with. Too soon, that will pass… You will miss them.
2. Counter attack by filling up that bucket of golden moments as full as you can. Make it a BIG bucket. Stuff it. Add another bucket.
3. Please write those moments down. Start now. One day, the other “marble analogy” from above will be playing tricks, and you will be happy you did.
4. What are your top 10 golden work moments?

Golden moments in The Triangle,

Lorne

Ten years (10) ago the fundamental purpose, vision and differentiating value offering for the company was outlined. This stands out like an oak tree planted to give strength and definition to a stunning garden. That sapling needed 10 years to mature, but has always been the anchor; the core from which all else was planted. Four (4) years ago a mastery sales development program was implemented. It combines neuroscience, video feedback technology and breakthrough coaching; resulting in faster and better results for both clients and financial advisors. One (1) year ago, other more tactical and immediate result impactors were implemented. This 10-4-1 framework has provided another way of looking at continuous strategic improvement and planning for this company. But could this framework mean something similar to you and me?

Character Moves:

1. What did we plant for ourselves 10 years ago? You and I are planting things today that will likely take ten years to mature. Hopefully we are growing what we want, where we want it, and it will mature in fruitful ways. The most obvious “tree” we’re planting is defining our purpose, character, core skill and competence. What will we be (more) masterful at 10 years from now? What great “oak tree” are we growing? How will our character be more fully developed? This is a self-awareness journey.
2. What did we plant for ourselves 4 years ago? What can we sow today that will likely take about 4 years to root? How will be better for it?
3. What is on our tactical day to day, or 1 year list? The time between seed and flower is faster and gives us these short bursts forward.

At the risk of overdoing the metaphor, we can be much like that beautiful, ever growing, sustainably wonderful garden; an ever-blooming mixture of annuals, perennials, trees, and more. All planted at various times, with unique contribution to a purpose, vision and the master plan. All great gardens were once empty plots of dirt but with vision and essentially a continuous 10-4-1 type of framework, they can flourish. Perhaps your framework is 11-5-1? It is the thought and action put into multiple tracks of self-growth and maturity that builds our whole rich selves.

10-4-1 in The Triangle,

Lorne

The other week, I received maybe the best material for my “big head file” ever. In my book, The Character Triangle, the first chapter reflects on my experience as a teacher and the gift those kids gave me. Here are a couple of lines from one of those emails I received from a student I taught at St. Nicholas:

“Hi Mr. Rubis,

I was one of those students in the gym at St. Nick’s and was crying when you left. I remember that day so well. You made such an impact on my life and the lives of so many of us. You really cared about us and I knew that you touched me to do something great. I became a teacher because of you and the impact that you could have on young lives and the need to make every child feel special. I thank you for that gift! Good luck with your book and the goodness that you are still spreading.

…..

In the same book, I talk about my experience with the Los Angeles Kings Hockey Club. The same week I received a note on LinkedIn from a colleague. It included the following and much more.

“I’ve never encountered an executive so secure in his own skin… That mentored… Drew the best out of all of us…”

Now think about how glorious it is to receive notes like these. But this blog is really NOT about me (although I’m proud of these notes). It’s about you.

Character Moves:

1. Do everything you can to sincerely, and specifically add to people’s “big head files.” Tell them how much you care for them. Thank them for what they have given you. Be generous, but only if you really mean it. Build as many “big head files” for others as you can. You have to care. It takes work. But think about the joy you bring. It costs nothing!
2. Do not wait for it or expect it. But the more you give to others, the more likely, in the best and most delicious way, it will come back ten fold or more. The note from the person at St. Nicks talks about things that happened more than 40 years ago! The message from the colleague at the Kings was referring to our time together almost 15 years ago. You never know when your “big head file” gets a wonderful hit.
3. Try and build the biggest and most nutritious “big head file”… Not just for the replenishment received, but also because in the end, the most important possession you will have is likely to be your “file.” (And your loved ones who will read it to you and get replenished as well).

A “Big Head File” in The Triangle,

Lorne

A. The top leadership really cares. The franchise ownership treats team members as family and demands excellence in every position: From players and equipment managers to the ticket office. They think of their employees as people who complete a system of excellence, not sparkly chattel for just drawing fans or an entertainment commodity to be discarded indiscriminately.

B. They patiently develop their talent: The farm team gets the best coaches and mentoring is a key part of the process, beginning with the NHL veterans and extending to the front office (which is stocked with former players such as Chris Chelios, Jiri Fischer and Kris Draper). They pass on their experience to the kids in Grand Rapids (their AHL farm team).

C. They develop a unique and clearly defined structure: The Wings teach players how to contribute in THEIR system. Great leaders develop exceptional individual competency but expect that skill to be applied in a prescribed way of doing it…The Red Wings way. It takes years to learn how to seamlessly act in all situations. Everyone knows their individual job AND role in the organization. To the naïve observer, hockey looks chaotic and totally dynamic, but a great team has key principles and plays that require real time player decisions to put the team and winning first.

D. They demand Respect, Accountability and Abundance. The older players know that the younger guys will take their jobs. But they teach and mentor them to do so. They know they will always be part of The Red Wing alumni, and are treated fairly. You actually help people take over. You respect the mission and team first. You hold yourself accountable to play your unique role and participate in the spoils of winning accordingly.

Character Moves:

1. Are you developing personally AND within a system? If not, learn ways you can be better individually and as a contributor to the system. Do you even know what the winning system is in your organization?
2. Who is mentoring you? What are they preparing you for? If you do not have coaches AND teammates who are committed to developing YOU, you’re missing out. Determine what you might do to find a coaching environment.
3. Highly demanding systems, where excellence is expected, require patience and real learning to advance.  Look to participate in that environment and you will likely have a sustainable winning organization to ride.

A Red Wing in The Triangle,

Lorne

P.S. I trust this blog will not jinx Detroit’s series against the Chicago Blackhawks. 

A. Takers: They have a distinctive signature. They like to get more than they give and usually try and put the reciprocity in their own favor.

B. Givers: According to Grant, they’re rare in the work place. They strive to be generous with their time, energy, skills, connections, and give value to others who can benefit without expecting anything else in return.

C. Matchers: They work to preserve an equal balance of giving and receiving. Matchers govern relationships based on the equality of favors exchanged. They tend to keep score.

Grant’s research notes that we often use all of these styles but we tend to lean towards one more than others. And guess what? Research shows that Givers are at BOTH the top and bottom of traditional success metrics. Some natural self-sacrificing Givers learn to be more effective than others. They rise to the very top of the success ladder (by the broadest of definitions). Unfortunately natural givers, who do not know how to protect themselves, can be taken advantage of and end up on the bottom of the same success ladder.

Character Moves:

1. Instead of working to get successful AND THEN giving yourself to others, how about giving yourself as THE route to achieving success.
2. Read Grant’s “Give and Take” to get the necessary insights of self-awareness to help most effectively apply your propensity to GIVE. (You can be a sincere Giver without being a doormat). Or learn more about the consequences if you tend to be a Taker or Matcher.
3. As you approach relationships at work (and in your personal life) consciously look at the empty chair you are getting ready to occupy. Decide who is going to be sitting there. Is it you, the Giver? Or do you choose the Matcher or Taker route? I hope the Giver is there most of the time.

Successful Givers in the Triangle,

Lorne

P.S. I receive no financial benefit from the sales of “Give and Take” . I just think it is excellent work.

In many ways that feels to be the case with employees in slow-to-adapt, post industrial organizations. Command and control incrementalism is not a sustainable culture to participate in the new CREATIVE economy. What is this new economy like? How is it different?

The Creative Economy, as noted by Steve Denning in the Forbes article, Leadership in the Three-Speed Economy, is not just a new process, new system or technique. It involves a fundamental shift in how leaders think, speak and act in the workplace. The Traditional Economy flourished with an ethos of efficiency and control, but the Creative Economy thrives on the ethos of imagination, exploration, experiment, discovery and collaboration. It means:

A. A shift from a goal of making money to the goal of delighting customers profitably. Innovation is not an option: It’s an imperative. The only question is how?

B. A shift from controlling individuals to inspiring collaboration among self-organizing teams, networks and ecosystems.

C. A shift from coordinating work by hierarchical bureaucracy to dynamic linking, with iterative approaches to development with direct customer feedback and interaction with teams and networks.

D. A shift from a preoccupation with economic value to an embrace of values that will grow the firm and the accompanying ecosystems, particularly radical transparency, continuous improvement and sustainability.

E. A shift from top-down communications to horizontal conversations. Instead of telling people what to do, leaders inspire people across organizational boundaries to work together on common goals.

Character Moves:

1. Learn more about the creative economy and impact to you and your core competence as a contributor.
2. How are you investing in yourself to develop your attributes and skills as a collaborator, value creator, connector, and inventor?
3. How much do live and work in a command and control environment. Are you being coached for results or being treated like you need to stay in the corral? Get out and run, create, explore, discover and collaborate for a purpose that inspires you and others.

The CREATIVE YOU in the Triangle,

Lorne

But more and more research demonstrates that people who have meaning in their lives in the form of a clearly defined purpose, rate their satisfaction with life higher, even when they were feeling bad than those who don’t. What sets human beings apart from animals is NOT the pursuit of happiness, but the pursuit of meaning, which is unique to humans. This is a tenant expressed by Roy F. Baumeister and John Tierney, in their recent book Willpower: Rediscovering the Greatest Human Strength. Martin Seligman, one of today’s leading psychological scientists, states that when living a meaningful life, “you use your highest strengths and talents to belong to and serve something you believe is larger than the self.” And Wharton professor Adam Grant‘s new book Give and Take reinforces the value of giving without expecting reciprocity as a key route to success. I believe it’s also a powerful connector to greater meaning and sustainable happiness.

Indeed some researchers are cautioning against chasing mere happiness. In a new study, as referenced in a recent article from The Atlantic by Emily Esfahani Smith, notes key findings in the pursuit of happiness and meaning. The following is a highlight:

“Meaning is not only about transcending the self, but also about transcending the present moment — which is perhaps the most important finding of the study, according to the researchers. While happiness is an emotion felt in the here and now, it ultimately fades away, just as all emotions do; positive affect and feelings of pleasure are fleeting. The amount of time people report feeling good or bad correlates with happiness but not at all with meaning. Happiness without meaning characterizes a relatively shallow, self-absorbed or even selfish life, in which things go well, needs and desire are easily satisfied, and difficult or taxing entanglements are avoided.”

(Ed. Note: This does NOT mean we shouldn’t be present and live in the now).

Character Moves:

1. Keep working on defining and refining your purpose and meaning. Focus on that and I genuinely believe achieving “happiness” in a more sustainable form will take care of itself.
2. Give more without the expectation of reciprocity. (Abundance). This behavior does not mean you’re a “push over” or “chump.” On the contrary, it is a totally free investment in you. This is not silly self-sacrificing martyrdom either. I believe, and lots of data supports this view too, that a commitment to adding more value in every exchange you have with others leads to greater success. Read Grant’s “Give and Take” to evaluate the reasoning behind this.
3. Connect PURPOSE/MEANING with GIVING as a way of life: This is a personal winning combination for lasting contentment and sustainable happiness. (Along with the Character Triangle values)!

Beyond happiness in The Triangle,

Lorne

P.S. The inspiration and some of the research referenced for this blog came from this wonderful article in The Atlantic.