Be Respectful

Bad Bosses are “Stalkers”

20126 Jan
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Key Point: Supervisor abuse generally includes rudeness, public criticism, tantrums, and other inconsiderate actions. And this abuse is proven to cause unreasonable levels of stress at work AND home. If the supervisor shows no or little interest in seriously improving, get out of the relationship as soon as you can. No job is worth this abuse in the long run.

A study from Baylor University, reported in article in the winter 2011 issue of Personnel Psychology, found that the stress and tension caused by an abusive boss at work also filters through to an employee’s personal relationships and ultimately the whole family. When people reported having an abusive boss, their significant other was more likely to report increased relationship tension and family conflict at home. Numerous other studies reinforce this finding. Abusive bosses are “stalkers;” they follow you right to your kitchen table.

Character Move:

Try having a “crucial conversation” with your boss, pointing out abusive behavior. They will demonstrate their commitment to improve through active listening and taking meaningful action to improve.
Determine how and if you can help them self-improve. However they are self-accountable in stopping the abusive behavior. They need to demonstrate improvement.
Do not get caught into a “gripe fest” complaining about the boss’ behavior. This helps no one, least of all you.
Make a plan to get out of the relationship. RESPECT, for yourself and others, is a minimum acceptable requirement in a work environment.

No “stalking” in The Triangle,

Lorne

Respect – 2011 “Best of the Best”

201127 Dec
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As you look back on your experiences in 2011, I encourage you to reflect on how and where you better applied the three values of the Character Triangle: Accountability, Respect, and Abundance. How much have you consciously practiced? Have you recognize how it has helped?

Key Point: The following three blogs on RESPECT are my candidates for “best of the best in 2011”, based on reader interest and feedback regarding the degree they stimulated thought and action. I hope you enjoy reading them again or if you missed any that you find them meaningful. Thanks for being part of the Character Triangle “Tribe.” I hope you will join me again in 2012 for a new and invigorating set of ideas and suggestions as part of the continuous journey of Character Triangle development.

The Rat Challenge this Holiday Season?

Do You Know the Meaning of “Genshai”?

How Do You and I Make People Feel?

Character Move:

Read one or more of the blogs again.
Think about what action you took or will take as a result.
Give me your feedback as to which of the three was your 2011 favorite.
Share them with anyone who might value the message.

Best in the Triangle,

Lorne

A Really Radical Idea! Say “Thank You” to Your Boss

20116 Dec
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Key Point: say “thank you” to your boss. Be specific. Be genuine. Coach them on what is helpful to them and you. Don’t worry about being a big boss “suck up.” Just do it. Everyone wins. You may even give your boss a positive, cognitive wake up when you do this. Every boss qualifies …really.

Our bosses are very human and sometimes we find it hard to enjoy working for them very much. We see their shortcomings (blind spots to them?) and have to painfully work around the consequences of their weaknesses. This can make working for them very challenging in even the best of times. Why the heck should we thank them for anything when they often behave in donkey-like ways? By the way, as a CEO, I know my behavior as a boss is less than perfect.

An interesting study by UCLA professor Matthew Lieberman, one of the founders of the Social Cognitive Neuroscience field, was presented at a 2011 neurological conference regarding our ability to mentalize, or predict, other people’s emotional or intentional states. The research highlighted that people experiencing even a mild cognitive load or “stress” find their ability to think about what others are thinking or needing impaired. The trouble is that our ability to mentalize about other people’s thoughts is extremely poor even at the best of times. In today’s work environment the stress load is so darn high that bosses can be less present and aware of our needs than they should be. In fact it takes very high emotional intelligence to apply judgment and empathy in a balanced way even when we are rested and have most things “in control.” This is not an excuse as much as just the way it is.

Character Move:

Become more aware of very specific behavior or actions your boss does well (and yes, even horrible bosses do a few things well).
Personally look your boss in the eye and/or write a personal note and tell them specifically what you want to thank them for. Identify how their behavior positively helps you and others. Email and texting is appropriate and practical but if possible try and make it personal.
Don’t expect anything specific in return or any reciprocity. Just genuinely and specifically say thank you. Don’t be disappointed if they shrug it off. Many of us have not been taught how to receive a thank you well.

Thanking your boss in The Triangle,

Lorne

Bet You Don’t Know “Jack”

20112 Dec
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Key Point: Dr. Stephen R. Covey challenges us, “Express love and appreciation to those whom you associate with. Listen empathetically to them. Devote time to learning about them, what is important to them, what is their story.”

Dr. Covey was picked by Time Magazine as one of the 25 most influential Americans of 1996. His wisdom is remarkable and he inspires and teaches us even more in his new book The 3rd Alternative.

One small but very important point of Covey’s many teachings is captured in the key point above. When I determine whether people REALLY care about the people they work with, I ask them to tell me about the closest individuals they work with and to describe their “story.” Often people have difficulty going beyond the minimum detail. They don’t know that person’s situation. They can’t name their loved ones. They have a hard time articulating what these folks are good at, what they like to do and how they bring value to those around them. If you cannot complete the following assignment then my belief is that you “don’t know jack” and you care more about people in word than in action.

Character Move:

Complete the “story” of at least 10 people you most closely associate with. If you can’t name their most immediate loved ones, you can’t pass “GO.” You’re not serious and don’t tell me you’ve got a poor memory; that’s a big lame excuse.
Be able to describe what each person is good at, like to do, and how they provide value.
Describe how you’ve acknowledged each of these top 10 associates in the last 30 days.
Then do the 1 through 3 above with the 20 of your closest associates.

Don’t think of yourself as having respect as defined in the Character Triangle if you can’t do the above.

Know Jack in the Triangle,

Lorne

Character Triangle

Our character is exclusively ours. We define it by how we think and what we do. I believe that acting with Character is driven by what I call the Character Triangle.

What, exactly, is the Character Triangle (CT)?

The CT describes and emphasizes three distinct but interdependent values:

Be Accountable: first person action to make things better, avoiding blame.
Be Respectful: being present, listening, looking again, focusing on the process.
Be Abundant: generous in spirit, moving forward, minimizing the lack of.