“I.” People who define their success exclusively in the context of “I” make me wary. Most highly evolved and effective leaders describe their accomplishments in sincerely humble ways. They know that success is most often a result of many hands. Sharing that view does not diminish their contribution. It does however highlight the self-awareness required to understand that many people and fortunate conditions are necessary for great results. (The one time using “I” is appropriate is when leaders take the heat for something gone wrong). 

“They.” Frankly, I detest the use of this pronoun in the context of blame. When I’m interviewing someone and they tell me the reason they want to work for me/us is because they are running away from “they,” I almost always conclude the discussion with a “no thank you.” This usually tells me that self-accountability is not fully resident in that person. I do not want to invest in teaching people to become self-accountable. I want them arriving demonstratively with self-accountability.

“Yeah, but…” When people use this phrase they might as well stop the conversation with me. My experience is that most often the word “yeah” is a big second fiddle to the word “but.” Resistance to exploring options with “ yes but-ers” is normally very high. People who lead with “yeah, but…” often have a closed versus growth mind-set. They spend their time thinking about why something won’t work versus finding ways to make things work.

“Should” and “Never”… Really? Why would I associate myself with “should” and “never?”

Character Moves:

1. Learn how to use precise words. Sometimes I think we have lost the importance of having an extensive vocabulary that provides us with the repertoire of using the most effective word to describe the feeling we want to accurately convey. I believe one has to READ great literature to expand our language catalogue. It’s not about huffiness it’s about the significance of clarity. Cable TV and abbreviated social media terms just don’t help very much.
2. Watch words that tell you what people really believe in. Look for trigger words that determine whether the “feet and mouth” are really in sync. What are your trigger words?
3. Be aware of the words you use that define and reinforce your beliefs. Language is powerful. You may want to believe you think a certain way but you give yourself “away” by what you say (and do, of course).

Say it and mean it in The Triangle,

- Lorne 

The Yankees played Sweet Caroline at the end of the third inning during their Tuesday, April 16 game against the Arizona Diamondbacks, respectfully borrowing the Fenway Park sing-a-long for just that one night. The tune followed a moment of silence for the victims of the two deadly explosions.

Check it out here.

Those who are sports fans and certainly baseball junkies are well aware that the rivalry between the Yankees and Red Sox is as intense as any in sports. So the Tuesday night, “Da-DAH-dah’s!” echoing throughout the Bronx is a ringing statement of what we value most… Supporting each other as human beings. More than siding with baseball or cities, people celebrated each other and the human spirit at this game. So how do we translate any of these senseless, horrific tragedies into anything we can possibly control? My humble two-cents includes the following:

Character Moves:

1. What you and I control is how we choose to think and act at work, home and play. Nothing is worth being intentionally hurtful to anyone else for any reason, under any circumstance. This includes the subtlest act… Like a poorly stated email intended “to put someone in their place.” As mean spirited behavior scales at work, it becomes about “payback” or revenge. That becomes fertile ground for justifying even worse behavior. You and I can choose not to act in any way that supports or condones action that is aimed at harming others.
2. It is also vital for people to understand that getting ahead does not have to involve taking something from someone else. In its evil extreme, this scarcity thinking becomes a rallying cry for justifying the worst atrocities we inflict on each other. Self-accountable people always start with what they can do to make things better without having to focus on diminishing someone else. Expanding the pie to create more for all is different than taking from others.
3. Explaining geopolitical complexity, terrorism and violence is way beyond the scope of this blog or competence of this author. However the more we insist on accountability, respect and abundance as minimum acceptable values guiding our behavior, the better the world is. The world we control is in our immediate sphere. If we do that together there is less room for the unacceptable other.
4. Remember that in the spirit of the Yankee fans singing Sweet Caroline, I believe it is more important to become personally and organizationally excellent than to beat and/or hate a rival. Some of you may think this is naive but there is much research to reinforce the validity of this thinking. However small, that is a victory against violence and by extension a defiant act against the fear intended by terrorists.

Sweet Caroline in The Triangle,

Lorne

Human fragility is NOT a license to apply the values of self-accountability, respect and abundance at our convenience. However most of us will likely and occasionally stumble out of character bounds. If it is a slight step out of character, it is reasonably easy to snap back in. But sometimes and hopefully rarely (if ever), we take a big step out. For some reason, often inexplicably, we do or say something to hurt someone. If we deeply believe in our value set, acting out of character involves a searing and lasting pain that makes us nauseous and takes our breath away. It sends us reeling into sadness and disappointment. First because we have upset another. Secondly, because we have hurt ourselves and taken a step backwards. If we do not feel that pain of deep personal disappointment then I’m not sure how much we really believe in the values in the first place. So what do we do when we really fall out of character and want to find a lasting path forward?

Character Moves:

1. The first and most important thing is to take it on the chin and recognize that you have stepped out of character.
2. The second is to reach out and recognize the hurt you have caused someone. You must sincerely and humbly apologize to those you have transgressed. No excuses. This involves deep self-reflection as to why you acted the way you did. Remember that cause and effect are not closely related in space and time. So some serious, personal anthropological self “dig” is often necessary. This is hard work and might require the help of a wise counselor. It is also an opportunity for incredible self-learning, hopefully launching us to even greater self-awareness.
3. If you are fortunate the person(s) you hurt will genuinely forgive you. That’s the greatest gift you can receive. Be grateful that someone cares enough about you to push you forward through forgiveness.
4. You owe it to the person(s) you hurt to learn and then forgive yourself. This is does not mean forget. It does mean go forward with that scar you can touch to remind you that the pain of stepping out of character involves the fall into a deep dark disappointing hole; one you will avoid in the future. 

Finding your character again in the Triangle,

Lorne

I recently talked to a number of people in our customer call center who are like you and me, everyday workers, and certainly not billionaires. And when I asked them what makes them happy or engaged at work, their responses tended to fall into this obvious yet remarkable container of doing good.

If we choose to concentrate on good thoughts, communicate positively with others and act out our goodness by doing deeds for the benefit of others, each one of us becomes transformed from the INSIDE. When we do it now, act nice and give more, we become driven by the power of goodness, and extraordinary things happen. Like Ms. Arison states, “Think good, speak good, and do good is a life changing motto. It can lead us on a personal journey, filled with opportunities to connect and activate our own goodness. This immediately resonates outwards touching all aspects of life, creating positive change along its path.”

My last blog introduced you to Wharton’s Adam Grant, whose research quantitatively endorses the benefit of giving. This blog is more qualitative-based on the everyday wisdom that comes from what people in all walks of life report. So what gets in the way of more progress relative to goodness? If the recipe is simple why does it seem so elusive?

Character Moves:

1. I think the breakthrough for more progress is in the word “ACTIVATE.” Although goodness is important in both thought and words, we ultimately have to DO, in order to complete the trifecta. What is your activate button?
2. See the cartoon attached. Awareness about the benefit of goodness is NOT by itself the key to doing something. In fact research tells us that our normal default “button” is to do nothing after becoming aware. So each of us has to overcome the fear related to inertia, and put ourselves out in the world of “DO!”
3. After you read this blog, however small the act, get up and activate goodness.

Think, say, DO good in The Triangle,

Lorne

Among other impacts, surveyed workers had these reactions to rudeness:

A. 48 percent intentionally decreased their work effort.

B. 47 percent intentionally decreased the time spent at work.

C. 38 percent intentionally decreased the quality of their work.

D. 66 percent said that their performance declined.

E. 78 percent said that their commitment to the organization declined.

F. 63 percent lost work time avoiding the offender.

Wow… 25 percent of people at work are rude because that’s the behavior that’s modeled by their bosses. Why would anyone want or have to be rude to “show or confirm who is boss?” The toughest bosses expect and coach to excellence but this does NOT equate to being rude. In fact being a great boss involves respecting all at every level. And employees have no excuse to behave badly because their boss does. Be personally accountable for being respectful.

Character Moves:

1. Equate being tough to excellence with civility NOT rudeness. Anyone with a little power can treat others badly and get away with it, for a while. This is especially true when other people are concerned about losing their jobs. However the best team members and leaders are respectful regardless of circumstances. As an associate expect and insist on civility at every level and in every position.
2. Learn how to “attack” process, situations and/or behavior, NEVER other people. This is one of the great guidelines when developing a demanding, highly respectful work environment and norms within a team.
3. Just because your boss is rude is no excuse to model that behavior. Ideally you will be able to give your boss feedback on that behavior (sometimes its like spinach in our teeth… We don’t really see it until it’s pointed out). Feedback is necessary and helpful.
4. Want to be tough? Have the courage to point out rude behavior when you see it or experience it. Respectfully but directly explain how that behavior impacts you, others, and the person behaving rudely and the organization.
5. Most of us act rudely at one time or another. When we do, have the strength to show leadership by recognizing, apologizing, and learning to stop or do it less often.

No rude dudes in The Triangle,

Lorne

Key Point:

A. People at all levels stop doing any activity that is a waste of their time, the customer’s time, or the company’s money.

B. Employees have the freedom to work any way they want. 


C. Every day feels like Saturday.

D. People have an unlimited amount of paid time off (PTO) as long as they get their work done. 

E. Work isn’t a place you go, it’s something you do.

F. Arriving at the workplace at 2:00 p.m. is not considered coming in late. Leaving the office at 2:00 p.m. is not considered leaving early.

G. Nobody talks about how many hours they work.

H. Every meeting is optional.

I. It’s OK to grocery shop on a Wednesday morning, or catch a movie on a Tuesday afternoon.

J. There are no work schedules.

K. Nobody feels guilty, overworked, or stressed out.

L. There aren’t any last-minute fire drills.

M. There is no judgment about how you spend your time.

These are the guideposts for a Results-Only Work Environment, developed by Cali Ressler and Jody Thompson, the authors of several books including their latest, Why Managing Sucks and How to Fix It. Dan Pink, a leading researcher and author says that these guideposts represent the “biggest ideas in talent in the last decade.” Gary Hamel, one of the world’s top thinkers and writers on effective managing opines, “In the 21st century management needs to be reinvented… Cali and Jody will tell you how to get started.”

Character Moves:

1. Take the time to really examine each of those 13 guideposts. What do your reactions tell you about yourself and your assumptions about work? Be a critical thinker. Neither accept nor reject any until you give them some real soak time.
2. Read the work and thinking behind each guidepost as explained by Ressler and Thompson. (Click here to download the introduction for free. All 13 guideposts are briefly explained). Does this alter your thinking? Assumptions? Why? Why not? What, if anything, are your fearful about? Be open.
3. As we get more experienced we actually know less every day and must open ourselves to new thinking that challenges our assumptions. Our view of the world is just one view. Humbling ourselves allows us to continue being a student and open to other perspectives on a daily basis.

Open to new guideposts in The Triangle,

Lorne

P.S. Please pass on the link to my new book to anyone you think will enjoy it. 

Of course Dodge wants to sell its products to farmers. But talking about the value provided by their customers rather than transmission torque is refreshing. What does this have to do with you and me?

I was born a farm kid. I watched my parents live the Character Triangle every day. There is no doubt where my value set comes from. If you lived on the farm, self-accountability meant putting food on the table. You essentially survived based on what YOU did, not what you felt entitled to receive. No one auto-deposited a check to your bank account. A farmer also learns to respect everything around him/her. The environment and farmer must work towards mutually reinforcing goals. It is amazing how much grain and animals have to say (not literally of course), but through how the cycle of life works. If you are not present and attentive, something dies or gets damaged. That’s why many farmers who have rarely travelled out of their county know so much about the world at large. Nature teaches them every day. And if you aren’t abundant thinking as a farmer, you will be the ultimate victim. The very essence of farming is about growing and sharing. But the weather, commodity pricing, disease, trade wars, etc. are out there teaching the meaning of humility daily. A farmer has to give back and pay forward because always being on the take will suck the nutrients out of future growth.

Character Moves:

1. Even if you’re a city slicker like I am now, why not think and practice the essence of being a great farmer? What are you growing and giving back to the community? How do you live “farmer’s values” in the work you do?
2. Farmer’s aren’t perfect. As an group, they can be notorious complainers, but of course we are not about perfection. What we care most about is purpose, adding value, living with character, having an impact, and inspiring others.
3. Summing up a solid farmer: Do it now, be nice and give more. And that is the Character Triangle. And while Paul Harvey, the voice of the Farmer commercial, has long passed; his words and their meaning are eternal. And so are the values of the Character Triangle.

Farming in The Triangle,

Lorne

One of the more dehumanizing terms in business is “upsell.” In my role as a leader I have mindlessly used this term often. For years it has been standard fare in most sales processes and training manuals. But, think about how we feel when we’re on the other side of “upselling.” When we go to buy a retail product, we often have to fend off getting sucked into purchasing accessories and warranties we don’t want or need. A lot of times, post transaction, we get bit by that dreaded bug we all know as “buyer’s remorse.” It can literally make us feel sick to our stomach.

What would happen if in a buy/sell transaction, the focus of the seller was to upserve? This would involve the seller elevating what they could do for the buyer and seeing the buyer as a highly valued friend. We would want to enrich, not diminish the relationship.

Pink suggests always asking two questions to guide us in a buy/sell relationship and in doing so, it reinforces the concept of upserving:

A. If the person you’re selling to agrees to buy, will their lives improve?

B. When your transaction is over, will the world be a better place than when you began?

Now this may seem soft headed and naive for those who cling to old sales models of maximizing margin on every transaction… “Buyer beware,” right? But in today’s world of mega choice and mobility, buyers are too smart and savvy to repeat one sided buy/sell relationships. The person who really needs to beware is the seller.

Character Moves:

1. Recognize that when we are asking or persuading others to give something of value (including time and focus) for something we have, we are “in sales.” New research suggests that we all spend much of our time “in sales” each day.
2. Become more proficient helping others move themselves to a better state of being. This is really the new and desired skill of selling.
3. Most importantly, enter a transaction from the viewpoint of upserving. This involves a genuine care for the benefit of the others involved. It does NOT mean servitude or suppressing one’s individual needs (like making money in a commercial transaction). But it is a different angle and approach that sincerely drives the seller and buyer to reach the “BETTER” for all involved.

Upserving in the Triangle,

Lorne

Key Point:

I deeply respect Dan Pink. His work as a researcher and author has had a profound impact on me. His book Drive, is a reference for my strategy on compensation and motivation. And now his latest book, To Sell is Human, provides additional perspectives that are significant to both individuals and organizations. Why? He connects research to insight and sends us on fresh and important paths. I will blog on a number of key findings from this book over the next few months.

Essentially, sales is a service function. But for the best sales people, this is a deep commitment to make peoples’ lives better. Dan Pink shows us research on this, and highlights two principles that reinforce a dedication to serve others. 1. Make it personal and 2. Make it purposeful. Let’s focus on the first. 

My wife rented out a house to a wonderful couple in their late 70′s. As you would expect, age and life had made them bent over and fragile. One day when we visited with them, they showed us pictures of their time, long ago, in Iraq. They stood next to the British Ambassador and his wife; it was a black tie affair. They looked Hollywood glamorous in the photograph, (movie star beautiful… All of them). I always looked at our tenants differently after that. In Pink’s book, he cites a study about radiologists who were much more precise and comprehensive in their findings when they saw photos of the people attached to x-rays they examined. The “pictures” made their diagnosis much more personal, and ultimately effective.

Character Moves:

1. Personally connect with the people you’re trying to serve. Whether it’s your boss, teammate, partner, customer or whoever you are trying to impact. Do everything to see the humanness of the other person. Jeff Bezos, the founder and CEO of Amazon, ensures that there is an empty chair in every meeting he attends. That empty chair represents the customer and it is the responsibility of Amazonians to recognize the customer has a face, and a life. We need to be able to fully comprehend and fill that “empty chair” in our world with deep understanding. We must care. And you can’t fake it.
2. Put yourself personally behind what you’re selling. If you don’t give your customers, clients, teammates, partners, your 24/7 availability to warranty what you stand for… Forget it. Then you’re not serious about your commitment to serve. I’m not saying we shouldn’t have protected private time, but I am saying if you are in the service business, it has to be personal… Both ways!

More lessons to connect with Dan Pink to come!

Make it personal in The Triangle,

Lorne

What can you and I do? What is in our control? At the most basic level, the one thing we can do is set an example by learning and practicing the skills required to participate in conversations when the stakes are high. We have the tools and knowledge, but it also means possessing the will and respect to be open to the possibility that it’s not just “my way or the highway.” We have to be open to the prospect of other views and paths suggesting a better way.

Character Moves:

1. Recognize your worldview is only one. We consciously or subconsciously filter what we see based on our deeply held beliefs. At best, this anchors us. At worst, it closes our minds to possibilities and promotes intellectual dishonesty. This kind of ignorance has contributed to much of our inhumanity. As an example, a movie like Spielberg’s Lincoln, gives us a window into how much we gave to change views on slavery.
2. Commit yourself to learning and practicing how to manage crucial conversations. There are numerous very good models for doing this. Check this out as an example. This is not about how you can learn to convince another person that your view is right, it is about mutually finding a better way to a more desirable state.
3. Learn how to apply this at home and work first. If we can all get better on a “local” level, perhaps we can increase our ability to effectively have crucial conversations on a broader scale. The alternative is to allow the unacceptable to repeat. If we allow that to happen, it’s because we do not have the will, focus and competence to change it for the best. And that is definitely living without character.

Inspired by little angels in The Triangle,

Lorne