Be Abundant

Would You Pick Happiness or Meaning?

201317 May
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Posted inBe Abundant

Key Point: There has been a lot of “happiness talk” lately. Understandably the holy grail of achieving personal happiness is a popular thought. Even countries like England are attempting to measure citizen happiness. But is the obsession with discovering happiness by itself the best course of action? For some time I (and many others) have been writing about the vital need to have a defined purpose and meaning in one’s (work) life. It is a key message in both of my books The Character Triangle and The Character Triangle Companion. Let’s face it, devoting serious time to thinking about and defining our life purpose and meaning is deceptively challenging for most of us. It can even feel academic and artificial. Who has time for it?

But more and more research demonstrates that people who have meaning in their lives in the form of a clearly defined purpose, rate their satisfaction with life higher, even when they were feeling bad than those who don’t. What sets human beings apart from animals is NOT the pursuit of happiness, but the pursuit of meaning, which is unique to humans. This is a tenant expressed by Roy F. Baumeister and John Tierney, in their recent book Willpower: Rediscovering the Greatest Human Strength. Martin Seligman, one of today’s leading psychological scientists, states that when living a meaningful life, “you use your highest strengths and talents to belong to and serve something you believe is larger than the self.” And Wharton professor Adam Grant‘s new book Give and Take reinforces the value of giving without expecting reciprocity as a key route to success. I believe it’s also a powerful connector to greater meaning and sustainable happiness.

Indeed some researchers are cautioning against chasing mere happiness. In a new study, as referenced in a recent article from The Atlantic by Emily Esfahani Smith, notes key findings in the pursuit of happiness and meaning. The following is a highlight:

“Meaning is not only about transcending the self, but also about transcending the present moment — which is perhaps the most important finding of the study, according to the researchers. While happiness is an emotion felt in the here and now, it ultimately fades away, just as all emotions do; positive affect and feelings of pleasure are fleeting. The amount of time people report feeling good or bad correlates with happiness but not at all with meaning. Happiness without meaning characterizes a relatively shallow, self-absorbed or even selfish life, in which things go well, needs and desire are easily satisfied, and difficult or taxing entanglements are avoided.”

(Ed. Note: This does NOT mean we shouldn’t be present and live in the now).

Character Moves:

Keep working on defining and refining your purpose and meaning. Focus on that and I genuinely believe achieving “happiness” in a more sustainable form will take care of itself.
Give more without the expectation of reciprocity. (Abundance). This behavior does not mean you’re a “push over” or “chump.” On the contrary, it is a totally free investment in you. This is not silly self-sacrificing martyrdom either. I believe, and lots of data supports this view too, that a commitment to adding more value in every exchange you have with others leads to greater success. Read Grant’s “Give and Take” to evaluate the reasoning behind this.
Connect PURPOSE/MEANING with GIVING as a way of life: This is a personal winning combination for lasting contentment and sustainable happiness. (Along with the Character Triangle values)!

Beyond happiness in The Triangle,

Lorne

P.S. The inspiration and some of the research referenced for this blog came from this wonderful article in The Atlantic.

Do You Care If People Like You at Work?

20137 May
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Key Point: I’ve heard the following phrase often from leaders in various organizations: “I don’t care if people like me but I want them to respect me.” Really? Well, Jack Zenger and Joseph Folkman, authors of I’m the Boss! Why Should I Care If You Like Me? have conducted and reviewed 360 data from 50,000 plus leaders and guess what? If you are not liked, there’s only a 1 in 2,000 shot that you will be rated as a top leader. Why? Because when determining whether you are likable, people commonly reference a key set of desirable characteristics that help them define likability. The following are the core likability drivers as determined by the 50,000 plus respondents. As you might expect, they have a lot of cross over with characteristics people find desirable in determining effective leadership. Here is what the authors’ research highlights: How would you rate yourself on each likability behavior?

Increase positive emotional connections with others. Just like the flu or a cold, emotions are contagious. If a leader is angry or frustrated, those feelings will spread to others. Conversely, if a leader is positive and optimistic, those emotions also spread. Be aware of your emotional state and work to spread the positive emotions. (LR: Over and over again, self-awareness and emotional intelligence shows up. Few people like crabby, negative leaders).

Display rock solid integrity. Do others trust you to keep your commitments and promises? Are others confident that you will be fair and do the right thing? We like leaders we trust; we dislike those we distrust. (LR: Making and meeting commitments becomes a huge part of establishing a culture of trust).

Cooperate with others. Some leaders believe that they are in competition with others in the organization but the purpose of an organization is to unite employees to work together in a common purpose. (LR: This is an important ingredient in the Abundant thinking described in the Character Triangle. If you are in it for yourself first, it will become evident. And people will be wary and filter your intent accordingly).

Be a coach, mentor, and teacher. Think about someone who has helped you develop or learn a new skill. How do you feel about that person? Most people have fond and positive memories of coaches and mentors. Helping others develop is a gift that is never forgotten.(LR: This takes a lot of personal energy, but to be a great and liked leader you need to learn to effectively coach and coach to effectively learn).

Be an inspiration. Most leaders know very well how to drive for results. They demand excellence. They insist that employees achieve stretch targets. In other words they push. And the best bosses do this as well. But that’s not all they do. The most successful leaders are also effective at pulling. They roll up their sleeves when necessary and pitch in with the team. They communicate powerfully. Inspiring leaders, as you might expect, are more likable. (LR: How balanced are you in pushing AND pulling for excellence)?

Be visionary and future focused. When employees do not clearly understand where they’re headed and how they’ll get there, they become frustrated and dissatisfied, feeling like passengers with no control and few options except complaining. Sharing a vision of the future and helping team members understand how to get there inspires confidence: It’s hard to like a leader who’s lost in the wilderness. (LR: This is one of the hardest things to do. Just because you think you know where you’re going, it’s not enough. You have to be relentless in connecting and translating your vision to others in ways that they really care and see the value in).

Ask for feedback and make an effort to change. Our 360 data show clearly that most people rate themselves more likable than their bosses, peers, and direct reports do. How can you bridge that gap? As the graph below demonstrates, there’s a strong correlation between a leader’s likability and the extent to which they ask for and respond to feedback from others. Feedback from others helps leaders to understand the impact (positive or negative) that they have on others. (LR: Likable and effective leaders are always asking for feedback and advice, not from a place of personal insecurity but one of improvement and growth).

Character Moves:

Get feedback on how you are actually doing on the above leadership likability drivers.
Find out which ones you might leverage better and make a game plan to improve. Most of us could get better in each area, but start by picking one or two that will give you the best likability ROI.
As you execute your plan, get agreement from trusted colleagues to let you know if they see a real indication of progress. Determine measurable milestones that can be solid evidence of improvement. Then keep going on all the drivers.
If you do, stop referring to that silly “I don’t care if they like me phrase.” If “they” don’t, the data suggests you are probably not a very strong leader.

Liked and Leading in The Triangle,

Lorne

What the Heck’s the Point of Giving?

20132 Apr
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Key Point: The headline on a recent New York Times Magazine front page: Is Giving the Secret to Getting Ahead? Susan Dominus’ article focused on 31-year-old Dr. Adam Grant, the youngest-tenured professor ever at U Penn’s Wharton School. Besides highlighting that Grant walks his talk, the article introduces us to what will likely be (you heard it here first) the best selling business book of 2013: Give and Take. Click on the video link to hear Grant talk about the book.

Grant has published a ton of research that has generated broad interest in the study of relationships at work. The following is from one of his abstracts: “We found that participants who reflected about giving benefits voluntarily contributed more than participants who reflected about receiving benefits… Giving may be more powerful than receiving as a driver of pro-social behavior.”

“Give and Take” starts with a premise that service to others has the potential to make us more productive than exclusively thinking about helping ourselves. Those of you who know me understand how strongly I feel about the value of giving. In fact (I can now say that) recognition of others and giving of ourselves is one of the most powerful self-motivators and perhaps counter intuitively the most important path to accelerating ourselves in social groups. How much do you really give of yourself daily? At work? At home? At play?

Character Moves:

Just give by adding value to others. Do it without expecting back and it will likely return ten fold, often in unexpected and delightful ways. I could write a book of stories that have taught me this over and over again. And I must give more to become better and better again.
Then give more. Sound exhausting? On the contrary, you will find it uplifting and energy boosting.
Reflect on the benefits of giving and see what happens. Do your own personal research.
Urgently give by contributing value to others’ lives but be patient to receive. Let the anticipation of getting something back vanish.

Give and Take will be released April 9.

Give and Take in The Triangle,

Lorne

Trust and the Moral Duty of Candor

201329 Mar
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Posted inBe Abundant

Key Point: Candor and transparency are vital components for establishing trust. The most recent Deloitte Consulting Ethics & Workplace survey found that when the economy turns around, 1/3 (34 percent) of employed Americans plan to look for a new job. When asked what factors contributed to their plans to seek new work environments, 48 percent of employees cited a “loss of trust,” and 46 percent said a “lack of transparency in communications.” The British CIPD Employee Outlook survey for 2010 found that overall trust in leaders is low across the board, with only 1/3 of employees agreeing that they trust their senior management teams and 38 percent disagreeing. Nearly 47 percent of employees who strongly distrust their senior management are currently looking for a new job compared to just eight percent of workers who strongly trust their leaders.

So why is trust such an issue? My experience is that much of the trust issue stems from the unfounded belief that people in organizations can’t “handle the tough truth.” Scott Weiss, who has written a great book DARE: Accepting the Challenge of Trusting Leadership, states the following in reference to this outdated management perspective. “This is an insulting and paternalistic assumption that infantilizes employees and disregards their own needs and aspirations. It also overlooks the grapevine and the rumor mill that will fill the information vacuum anyway, probably with distorted information.”

I strongly agree with Weiss! During my career, I have come to understand that not only can people handle the truth, they act in remarkably constructive and honorable ways when confided in. When I’ve had to share tough news and uncertainty, people almost always responded with class and dignity that moved me. They usually hung in with me until a definitive “end.” And when I’ve been asked by “higher ups” to withhold or distort information, I have fought and most often flat out refused to comply, sometimes putting my career at risk. Weiss goes on to say in DARE: “Uncertainty about how an initiative will go is a poor reason for information brokering. In the final analysis there just aren’t any good reasons for keeping the workforce in the dark about material facts that affect their lives. Straight talk is always the best policy. In difficult times it may be the best retention strategy that organizations have.”

Character Moves:

When you lead a team and feel that you need to withhold or “spin” information for “their own good,” STOP IT (legal restrictions not withstanding). If you’ve been around organizations for more than a few days you know there are few secrets (if any). We live in such goldfish bowls anyways. Everyone has a confidant they tell… We whisper but others hear us… We huddle in odd meetings, and people notice… We leave “secret” memos at copy machines, etc. So be straight and candid before the rumor mill creates more uncertainly. More importantly, it’s just the respectful and right thing to do.
The principle to follow is; if material facts impact other people lives, tell them the truth so they can make informed decisions. Do not avoid tough news. Turn the ship into that ugly wave coming your way.
When others trust us, we assure them that they can rely on us to act on their behalf, to protect them when we can, and to take them into our confidences where their own welfare is concerned. Treat it is a sacred duty to protect that trust, even when others argue against it.
When you hear unfounded emotional rational like, “If we tell they will quit working hard,” “they’ll lose all initiative and motivation,” “they’ll immediately start looking for new jobs,” “the good ones will leave first,” etc. Challenge these statements. How would you behave? How would you expect to be treated? Would you trust YOU?

Trust in The Triangle,

Lorne

Character Triangle

Our character is exclusively ours. We define it by how we think and what we do. I believe that acting with Character is driven by what I call the Character Triangle.

What, exactly, is the Character Triangle (CT)?

The CT describes and emphasizes three distinct but interdependent values:

Be Accountable: first person action to make things better, avoiding blame.
Be Respectful: being present, listening, looking again, focusing on the process.
Be Abundant: generous in spirit, moving forward, minimizing the lack of.