Positive Pride and Hunger to be Needed

Key Point: The hunger to be needed and positive pride are very good emotions, and powerful motivators. On the other hand, insecurity can drive heuristic pride and that’s problematic because arrogance and egotism overshadows. The following is from a thought provoking op-ed by the Dalai Lama, published in the Nov. 4 New York Times:

“Many are confused and frightened to see anger and frustration sweeping like wildfire across societies that enjoy historic safety and prosperity. But their refusal to be content with physical and material security actually reveals something beautiful: a universal human hunger to be needed. Let us work together to build a society that feeds this hunger… A small hint comes from interesting research about how people thrive. In one shocking experiment, researchers found that senior citizens who didn’t feel useful to others were nearly three times as likely to die prematurely as those who did feel useful. This speaks to a broader human truth: We all need to be needed… Being ‘needed’ does not entail selfish pride or unhealthy attachment to the worldly esteem of others. Rather, it consists of a natural human hunger to serve our fellow men and women.”

Pride is an emotion that I believe is related to our hunger to be needed and is positive when it motivates us to work hard and achieve. It can also be negative if it’s is based on insecurity and unbridled egotism. Jessica Tracy, a psychology professor at the University of British Columbia, looks at both sides of pride in her book, titled — Take Pride: Why the Deadly Sin Holds the Secret to Human Success. She notes the following:  “What we found is that pride is a positive. It is what motivates us to work hard and achieve. I like to think of it as the carrot, this thing that we want to feel in our sense of self. We feel it when we’re doing or working or putting in the effort to become the person that we want to be… It’s a long story to say it’s the awareness that there’s a sense of pride I’m not getting in my life that I want to get, that’s what causes people to change their behavior and perform better.” 

I am in the process of leaving one executive role for another. Those of you who read my blog know how much I have loved being the Chief People Officer of our company. Being asked to do something else has put me in front of the mirror. That has been both unsettling and uncomfortable at times. Questions like, “why am I really resisting?” and “what am I really fearful of?” made me squirm a little and wrestle with the dark side of confronting insecurity and hubristic pride. Hmm. On the other hand, confronting those questions is when I came to learn more about myself. I have a healthy hunger to give, be needed and an authentic pride to do great work. If I keep that at the forefront, the world will unfold as it should. How fortunate I am to be fully alive and feel that way. If I start to respond to unfounded fear and insecurity and it becomes about “me,” I will lose my way. 

Character Moves:

  1. Allow yourself to accept that the hunger to be needed is a wonderful human attribute. The following Buddhist teaching is so simple and powerful: “If one lights a fire for others, it will also brighten one’s own way.”
  1. The pride of doing something well helps us create the best sense of self. It’s what we’ve heard from our wise elders forever: “If it’s worth doing, it’s worth doing well.” No one needs to validate us when we do good work. We know it. That is authentic, positive pride. Apply that prideful work to the benefit of others, and looking in the mirror will invite a well-earned smile. 

Needed Pride in The Triangle, 

Lorne 

One Millennial View: If you’re not taking any pride in what you’re doing, then what’s the point? How sad would that be? Sounds like a pretty miserable existence. I think we can all see how “negative pride” could transform into arrogance, cockiness or other ugly traits, so… You know… Just, don’t cross that line. That’s where self-accountability comes in.

– Garrett

Edited and published by Garrett Rubis.

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