Key Point:

I have seen people really struggle with “losing” at work. Most of us will run into hurdles and disappointments in our career. How will we react when we hit the wall? Or fall from a perch? Some of us might become bitterly disappointed when we don’t get the promotion we think we deserve. As an example, the elusive Vice President title has caused a lot of deep angst. And sometimes a negative attitude becomes norm. Do you lose well?

Character Move:

1. The key to losing well is rededicating oneself to doing the best work ever and increasing our personal performance. Having a clear purpose and mission regarding our contribution is more important than wanting to show others that they are wrong.  
2. It is important to let go of any “negative” motivation. Pouting, blaming, hating, and wanting to pummel our competitors will likely minimize rather than increase our chances of success. It is about creating value and not just beating someone else.
3. Ironically, focusing on the journey and contribution/value we create will likely propel us to what we want. We have to fail to get better. Accept that where you are is just a temporary stop or detour.
4. The importance of the journey is to never really arrive. Winning is about continuous self-development and much more important than beating someone else or getting revenge. Accept set backs as learning milestones and go forward.

Losing well in The Triangle,

Lorne

You would think that in 2012 all associates would be treated as peers. Of course we all have bosses and there is a hierarchy of authority but great leaders expect EVERY person to be a valued contributor and treat them that way. When a leader inspires an associate by creating an environment of purpose, expected excellence and contribution, most of us rise to the occasion BECAUSE we want to belong and be a valued “player.” When treated with respect as a valued colleague most of us embrace self-accountability and are motivated to have a positive impact.

Character Moves:

1.  Treating associates at every level as a vital person in the organization chain is key to making the workplace great. If not, why would they be there?
2.  Really engage people’s thinking and listen. If you’re a boss and spending way more time telling versus asking; you are likely out of balance and patronizing. As the boss your job is to optimize the contribution and skills of all and not to be the fountain of all brilliance and wisdom. If people start agreeing with every thing you say… That is a danger sign that you’re a “mom or dad,” more than a leader.
3.  Recognize that valued contribution is more important than punching the time clock. The most important thing is not whether someone’s car is the first or last in the parking lot. What’s more important is the value provided in exchange for total compensation. Clock watching management has no value. If someone is not showing up when and where they’re needed, expectations are not clear or the person does not have the right mindset.
4.  Challenge the dumb things we do to continue the parent-child relationship we have institutionalized in organizations. Expect self-accountability… Expect mutual awesomeness.

Peers in The Triangle,

Lorne

Key Point:

1. Know yourself better by testing yourself more. There are many solid tests, with tons of validity to help us know better who we are. Tests like Myers-Briggs, Predictive Index, and StrengthsFinder, Colors Personality Inventory, all facilitate self-reflection, which leads to better self-awareness. The above noted authors recently developed the Entrepreneurial Aptitude Test (you can take it here) which measures how one stacks up in the four key traits that drive business and entrepreneurial success: Heart, Smarts, Guts, and Luck. I plan on developing one for The Character Triangle. The point is that it is hard enough to know ourselves and this battery of tests really helps us better understand our strengths and shortcomings. 

2. Consciously watch yourself and learn. In the organization I’m CPO at, we are at the forefront of using videotape for learning leadership improvement, the way the sports industry has for years. There is nothing more riveting than watching yourself conduct some leadership initiative on video. Sports coaches have broken down film for years. We need to look at our own leadership in action as well. But there is also much we can do without technological help. As an example, it is my understanding that Warren Buffett, has made it a habit for years to write down the reasons why he is making an investment decision and later look back to see what went right or wrong. And as I’ve noted many times in previous blogs, open and honest reviews by peers and others provides a key mirror to who we are perceived to be. We need outside eyes to help us see ourselves better.

3. Be aware of others. When our self-awareness of what drives others is sharp, we can increase self-enlightenment. Having the right complement of people and a supportive learning organization allows us to clearly see what we do well and what others do well. The more we understand what motivates others improves our ability to recognize matters about ourselves and hence more self-development.

Character Move:

1. Make self-awareness a priority in our developmental journey. Have a self-awareness learning framework to help you.
2. Take a few personality tests and work with others to better understand the self-insights from them. Do not be afraid of the results. They are not judgmental. See if you can determine how key others you work with would fit into one or more of the core behavioral buckets.
3. Find a way to get video taped in a variety of environments and watch what you learn about yourself. This is the ultimate self-awareness vehicle if your company signs up for it!
4. Work at it! Self-reflection and the related reward of self-awareness cannot be thought of as ” fluff,” passive exercises, new age meditation, or mushy science. They’re absolutely essential. As the authors in Hearts, Smarts, etc point out; there is a reason why the starting point in rehabilitation programs is being aware enough to admit you have a problem. It’s the same case in business leadership and personal development.

BE SELF AWARE in the Triangle,

Lorne

The following is from the above HBR “better listeners” blog:

“I saw how Larry Bossidy, former CEO of Honeywell, do the following: Sitting down with a business unit leader presenting him with information about a $300 million dollar technical investment opportunity, Bossidy divided a sheet of paper about three-quarters across. On the larger left side of the paper, he scribbled detailed notes; on the smaller right side, he occasionally jotted down two or three words, capturing what he perceived to be the key insights and issues being brought to his attention. It was a simple technique that disciplined him to listen intently for the important content and focus follow-up questions on points that really mattered. Whether or not this is your method, you should train yourself to sift for the nuggets in a conversation. Then let the other person know that they were understood by probing, clarifying, or further shaping those thoughts. The benefits of this go beyond ensuring that you heard it right: First, the person on the other end of the conversation will be gratified that you are truly grasping the essence of their thoughts and ideas; second, this gratification will motivate and energize them to create more thoughts and solutions. Listening opens the door to truly connecting and is the gateway to building relationships and capability.”

Character Move:

1. Have a technique that sifts for listening nuggets! Write them down. Review the nuggets with the people who you are in discussion with. Connect with the other(s) by demonstrating understanding.
2. Practice improving listening skills everyday. Develop listening techniques that work for you. This practice is a life and relationship enhancer.
3. Really listening is like mining for gold. It takes continual sifting to find the nuggets. And like gold, solid listening increases the richness in relationships.

Sifting for gold in The Triangle,

Lorne

Emotional contagion sucks. Nothing drains or distracts a workplace more than unbounded negativity. On the other hand, sticking ones head in the sand and avoiding issues through “lolly pop” (pretend everything is perfect) management, is dangerous. Effective energy leadership involves the paradox of positive realism. This balances recognizing issues and problems while building on positive, progressive steps forward. It is like when you’re a kid standing on a teeter-totter in the playground; you have stand in the middle or it crashes down to one side or another.

Here is how I’ve seen negative emotional contagion work. On the behavioral side it involves someone presenting a predominantly sourpuss look. The person rarely smiles or laughs and often says and/or emails negative things. Diminishing other people (especially when the other person(s) is not present) with a subtle smirk or more direct hit is a practiced art. What negatively wired people do (at times unaware of the damage their causing) is make people their confidant in shared grousing. However, they usually have many “confidants” and their agenda is shrouded in their own emotional immaturity. Their negatively has often more to do with their own personal demons than the betterment of the organization. The result often involves a negative haze that takes over a group. Like the proverbial frog sitting in increasingly hot water, negativity becomes “normal” and accepted. Whether in the role as a leader or colleague, we have the responsibility to address unbalanced negativity. The invitation to the individual has to be clear and direct: Demonstrate an immediate commitment to changing positively real time OR get out NOW. Believe or leave!

Character Move:

1. Recognize that the emotions others and we bring to work are as important as our job skills. This is heightened when in a formal leadership role. Negative emotions are toxic.
2. Invest in self-awareness! Because it’s not possible to check our emotions at the door when we get to work it is vital to be aware of what we’re feeling. You can’t change what you don’t notice! This takes conscious practice.
3. Authenticity matters because we can’t fake positivity for long. It is possible to put on a “game face” — to say you’re feeling one way when you’re actually feeling another — but the truth will ultimately reveal itself in your facial, vocal, and postural cues. We must learn to monitor and manage our moods. Sometimes for a number of reasons (personal and professional) it is just time to exit. Don’t screw it up for everyone else because you’re in a negative hole.
4. The key to balancing realism and optimism is to embrace the paradox of realistic optimism. Practically, that means having the faith to tell the most hopeful and empowering story possible in any given situation, but also the willingness to confront difficult facts as they arise and deal with them directly. Be on the positive side of that that teeter-totter!

Positive energy in the triangle,

Lorne

 ”Everyone loves a challenge. We swirled, we sniffed, we wrinkled our brows in contemplation. Some of us nodding with assurance. I took notes, finding the first white to be more floral and elegant than the second. Drawing on my years and years (there have been too many) of tasting, studying and observation, I swiftly concluded that the first wine was an un-oaked Chardonnay and the second was a Sauvignon Blanc, easy peasy. Much to my mortification I was dead wrong, as was everyone else in the room. The proprietor chuckled and informed his room of bright-eyed ambitious wine journalists that the wines were actually the same wine; one was just warmer than the other. He wasn’t intentionally shaming us (not one person got it right); he was pointedly demonstrating the power of just one element in the wine tasting experience: temperature.”

The article goes on document other examples that reinforce the truth of wine: Much of what we taste is in our heads and not in the wine. I wonder if we risk making the same “tasting wine” faux pas when making assessments about people?

Over my years I’ve learned that in talent recognition, selection and performance management, one needs to guard against letting biases dominate our objectivity. Like the wine experts in this article, we can be seduced into believing people are GREAT or NOT because we expect it. As an example we may put a halo around someone based on some characteristic(s) and evaluate what we expect. I wonder what would happen if we could put a metaphorical “brown bag” over people in advance of determining the value they bring to companies.

Character Move:

1. Be conscious of what’s in our heads versus what the data/past behavior/results really say when evaluating others. 
2. Rely on other viewpoints and numerous data points to paint a very complete picture before declaring a decision when assessing people.
3. Slow down to apply objective based decision making in assessing the talent and contribution of others. Put a “brown bag” around elements that may make your decision match the expectation in your head. (For example, a degree from a certain school, the shape and size of the person, etc).

Better tasting in the Triangle,

Lorne

Key Point:

Christensen, not surprisingly, notes the importance of measuring. What evidence denotes that you are making progress? Like many things we aspire to, the data tells us whether we are really achieving what we set out to do and become. The world is filled with people aiming to lose weight, announce their commitment to do so, and yet they make little or no progress when measurements are taken. While this is perhaps too simple of an analogy, it has some merit. If one of my purpose statements is to Be Abundant, filled with care and generosity of spirit, it is fair to ask, “How will I know I’m living that way?” It is also important NOT to measure in too small of units. As an example, one sales order does not determine whether a company is having a good sales year. On the other hand, the accumulation of those orders is what counts. The same applies to the measurement system you want to utilize for measuring your life.

Character Move:

1. Allow yourself to reflect and define measures that will indicate progress.
2. Develop a basket of measures. The combination will provide a more balanced perspective. You may want to develop superb relationships and become renowned for giving to others. However a divorce, while likely not a preferable outcome, does not mean giving up on the vision of mastering relationships.
3. Remember that the journey of giving serious consideration to your life’s purpose and how you measure is as important as the result. Most people cast about rudderless and one day they recognize the runway is very short to leave a purpose driven legacy.
4. Don’t wait. Do more work on your purpose and measurement system now. You deserve the investment. It really is never too late to start.

Measuring in the Triangle,

Lorne

Key Point:

The Process:

1. Determine Likeness:

Likeness is the definition of who you want to become. The likeness you draw will only have meaning and value if you deeply think and act to become what you aspire to. It can sound like “mush” to an outsider. It is uniquely important to you because you have given deep consideration in adopting it. Christensen’s likeness statement is:

* A man who is dedicated to help improve the lives of other people.

* A kind, honest, forgiving and selfless husband, father and friend.

* A man who just doesn’t believe in God, but who believes God.

2. Becoming Committed.

The likeness statement is aspirational. So how does one become deeply committed enough to make it a guide to daily living? The gratification comes from aspiration translating into day to day practice. You need to know your likeness is right for you by continually asking yourself “who do I truly want to become?” Being committed to the likeness is VERY hard work. It is not always convenient. It takes constant practice and work. You will get challenged all the time. Your likeness takes shape through the application of all the little daily parts of your life. Every once in a while, an elephant size spoonful of “life test” is served up to stress test your resolve. But most comes about in our daily habits. For example, if you want to be a highly respectful and caring person, you can smile to your neighbor in the grocery store, but giving him the famous finger when you’re in a traffic squeeze is a step in the wrong direction. (But hey… It’s not about being perfect).

Stay tuned for next week’s blogs for the rest of the “purpose story.” In the meantime:

Character Move:

1. Give yourself meaningful time to check in where you are regarding your life’s purpose journey. What likeness aspirational statements have you clearly defined? What could you do to sharpen the aspirational definition if you haven’t done so already?
2. Honestly reflect on how committed you are to what you aspire to become. What is evolving well? What’s tricky? What could you do more of? Less of? Stop? Start?
3. Ask a dear trusted advisor how they see you relative to your purpose statements? Try not to be defensive. Learn.
4. Enjoy where you are in the journey. If you’re breathing, it is NEVER too late to start the rest of your life.

Life’s purpose and The Character Triangle,

Lorne

Key Point:

Summarizing Kahneman’s research and 700 plus pages in this blog is presumptuous to say the least. But here’s the quickie. As we navigate our lives, we allow ourselves to be guided by impressions and feelings. This justifies the confidence we have in our intuitive beliefs, but NOT ALWAYS. It is easier (a shortcut) to over indulge in intuitive thinking (“system 1” or “fast” thinking). “Slow” thinking, on the other hand, requires more effort and concentration, but is often warranted even though we may not think so. Sometimes we are too confident, even when we are wrong.

Character Move:

1. Have the courage to know when to question your judgments. If you’re in an emergency it usually isn’t the time for “slow” thinking. However in other times when we “really” know we’re right, some additional validation may be warranted.
2. Recognize that objective observers are normally more likely to detect our errors in judgment than we are. It is important to have that network of trusted advisors who can honestly point out our potential errors in judgment and biases. We need to have an open mind and listen.
3. Be proactive in calling for an analysis when the situation warrants. Give yourself the time and apply “slow”, “system 2” thinking. Challenge yourself and call for an objective look at the evidence. It is a worthwhile investment and the self-learning can be profound

Balancing “slow” and “fast” thinking in The Triangle,

Lorne