Key Point: in our humanism, we are all likely to have a “fall” or two as we complete a life at work. Hopefully it is a small scrape with a pretty quick bounce back. Sometimes the fall is very painful and recovery a steep climb. This is often the case for team mates who struggle with addictions. I’ve worked with a number of addicts during my career and wish I was better at helping them help themselves. When we accept our fall, the action for healing and learning begins. In that context the Leigh Steinberg story is an example and inspiration. He is in the process of his recovery.
Leigh Steinberg, the famed sports agent, has filed for bankruptcy under Chapter 7. He has represented many successful athletes and coaches in most major sports including the first overall pick in the NFL draft an unprecedented eight times. His clients have included Pro Football Hall of Fame quarterbacks Steve Young, Troy Aikman, and Warren Moon, and he served as the inspiration for the movie Jerry Maguire.
The following is a quote from Steinberg as reported recently in the online magazine Postgame,
“I have struggled with alcohol for a number of years. In the past five or six years I began to check out episodically for short periods. My judgment and oversight of my affairs was not consistent and was at times impaired. I am responsible for my own addiction — no one forced me to drink — and in revealing my struggle with alcoholism, I am in no way justifying or excusing my circumstance. But I discuss it to provide context as well as understanding and inspiration to those who also battle addictive behavior. I surrendered to the reality that I was an alcoholic and my behavior was impacting family and associates in March 2010. I surrendered to the concept that until I tackled alcoholism, other priorities needed to be put aside.”
- Be honest. Accept the fall!
- Have the courage to put ego aside and begin recovery.
- It is necessary and strength to get help. Don’t go it alone.
- Recovery will be an inspiration to others. Everyone likes a comeback story.
If you know of someone in addictive trouble at work, strongly encourage them to take advantage of the employee assistance programs available. Don’t close your eyes and hope they get better.
Recovery in the Triangle,
Key Point: you and I, if we’re lucky, will be in a position to kick a “winning field goal” in work and/or life. We will miss sometimes. It will be heartbreaking. It is how we react and get ourselves ready to kick the next one that’s important. Spending too much time on the past miss will distract us from the next opportunity in front of us.
This year’s college football bowl games have involved kickers missing critical field goals. Even if you are not a sports or football fan, you can likely appreciate the kicker in front of a huge crowd and television audience, falling to his knees in agony after a big miss. After all, the entire team and all fans are impacted by whether the kick goes through the goal posts or not. This year’s kickers who have missed have had to close off their Facebook pages and hide out. Death threats and derision spewed from fans that likely couldn’t kick a ball ten feet as these kickers become posting patsies. Ironically team mates normally are very understanding.
- Remember you and I only trip when we’re moving. We are all destined to miss sometimes.
- We have to leave behind the misses we make, try to learn, and keep practicing and focused on the next one.
- You and I can’t fear failure or it will turn us into the people that want to judge from the sidelines rather than play the game.
- Just keep kicking!
Through the goalposts in The Triangle,
Key points for guaranteed success on our New Year’s resolutions:
- If you’ve made a formal New Year’s resolution, you’re more likely to make progress on the matter than someone who doesn’t.
- If you can make it through January applying your resolution, you have a good chance of progress lasting longer.
- With proven strategies and some digital tools you can really increase your odds of success.
The New York Times recently had a great article by Times columnist John Tierney. He and Roy F Baumeister have coauthored “Willpower: Rediscovering the Greatest Human Strength.” Contrary to conventional beliefs, their research supports that you are ten times more likely to change by making a New Year’s resolution than non-resolvers!
Here are the key steps and actions to help you, as determined through Tierney and Baumeister’s research:
- Set clear goals (less is more).
- Pre-commit; bind yourself to taking action (e.g. put money at risk on your resolution).
- Outsource self control by getting help from a support team.
- Keep track of your results.
- Don’t overreact to a lapse.
- Reward yourself on progress often.
- In my January 3rd blog I suggested three practical and specific improvement resolutions regarding making progress in applying The Character Triangle (CT). Determine the CT resolution best for you.
- Write it down and be very specific in defining the resolution. Make progress clear and measurable.
- Apply the support ideas in this blog to help you translate your resolution into a successful habit.
Successful resolutions in The Triangle,
Key Point: Supervisor abuse generally includes rudeness, public criticism, tantrums, and other inconsiderate actions. And this abuse is proven to cause unreasonable levels of stress at work AND home. If the supervisor shows no or little interest in seriously improving, get out of the relationship as soon as you can. No job is worth this abuse in the long run.
A study from Baylor University, reported in article in the winter 2011 issue of Personnel Psychology, found that the stress and tension caused by an abusive boss at work also filters through to an employee’s personal relationships and ultimately the whole family. When people reported having an abusive boss, their significant other was more likely to report increased relationship tension and family conflict at home. Numerous other studies reinforce this finding. Abusive bosses are “stalkers;” they follow you right to your kitchen table.
- Try having a “crucial conversation” with your boss, pointing out abusive behavior. They will demonstrate their commitment to improve through active listening and taking meaningful action to improve.
- Determine how and if you can help them self-improve. However they are self-accountable in stopping the abusive behavior. They need to demonstrate improvement.
- Do not get caught into a “gripe fest” complaining about the boss’ behavior. This helps no one, least of all you.
- Make a plan to get out of the relationship. RESPECT, for yourself and others, is a minimum acceptable requirement in a work environment.
No “stalking” in The Triangle,