I was at a restaurant in England the other night with my European executive team. We were dining with execs from another company and it was a very important “get to know each other” meeting. Just as the main course was about to arrive, one of my team members passed out. As we jumped out of our chairs to get to his side, he came to. But before we could determine his status, he passed out again …his eyes rolling to the back of his head, his dress shirt soaked with sweat. In that moment, it was scary but easy to know what to do. We immediately called the ambulance, and in the meantime did what we could to keep him conscious and upright; including being at the ready with CPR. We wiped his brow, and physically held on to him until the emergency medical technicians arrived. Of course we stayed with him until he was given medical clearance, got him safely home, and then followed up to be sure. Thank goodness he was (and is) alright.

When emergencies happen to team mates, we usually come through for each other. I am always heartened by how generous and loving people are with each other under these crises circumstances at the company where I’m the CEO. The stories and examples of generosity are truly remarkable. My challenge is to have people demonstrate that level of care to each other without an emergency being the motivator.

Character Move:

1. Do not wait for a crisis to show your care for fellow workers. Do one thing to show care and encouragement for each other daily. Lead with acts of support wherever you can, including sincere encouragement and acknowledgment.
2. The way to have faith in team work is to demonstrate it daily, then the team work and care as a cultural norm arrives. It doesn’t happen the other way around. Most spiritual scholars believe that mercy precludes faith; not the other way around. I believe the same principle applies in the work place.
3. Avoid thinking that “it is only work” so why give of oneself? Doesn’t caring take energy? Yes it does. Work is life and life includes work. They are inseparable.
4. Do not worry if people are competing and those jobs and promotions are “scarce.” Compete against yourself and the right things happen in the long run. Be an ECP (Everyday Caring Person).

ECP before EMT’s in The Triangle,

Lorne

Julius Barnes in his beautifully written 2011 Man Booker Prize-winning book, The Sense of an Ending, captures the feelings of the retired protagonist who laments, “Later in life, you think you expect a bit of a rest don’t you? You think you deserve it. Anyway, I did. But then you begin to understand the reward of merit is not life’s business.”

Character Move:

1. Resolve to purposefully practice the elements of the Character Triangle every day: consciously practice being a better listener, practice using STP, do one kind act with intention every day, and take on one thing you’re avoiding each week (build your own practice plan).
2. Recognize that “sharpening the saw” never ends. It also means that to go forward one has to sometimes make a mistake. It feels like going backward but often is the foundation for new growth. Persevere; accept and go forward, one step every day.
3. Make practice part of your life, not a part in your life.

Starting to notice improvement in The Triangle,

Lorne

Ric Elias had a front-row seat on Flight 1549, the plane that crash-landed in the Hudson River in New York in January 2009. What went through his mind as the doomed plane went down? At TED, he tells his story publicly for the first time. I encourage you to watch his five minute inspirational talk.

In the video Mr. Elias is reflective, “I was given the gift of a miracle, of not dying that day. I was given another gift; I was able to see into the future and come back and live differently. I challenge you guys that are flying today, imagine the same thing happens on your plane — and please don’t — but imagine, and how would you change? What would you get done that you’re waiting to get done because you think you’ll be here forever? How would you change your relationships and the negative energy in them?”

As the flight (just barely) cleared the George Washington Bridge, the following went through Ric’s mind, “I thought about, wow, I really feel one real regret. I’ve lived a good life. In my own humanity and mistakes, I’ve tried to get better at everything I tried. But in my humanity, I also allow my ego to get in. And I regretted the time I wasted on things that did not matter with people that matter. And I thought about my relationship with my wife, with my friends, with people. And after, as I reflected on that, I decided to eliminate negative energy from my life. It’s not perfect, but it’s a lot better. I’ve not had a fight with my wife in two years. It feels great. I no longer try to be right; I choose to be happy.”

Character Move:

1. Give thanks this Thanksgiving holiday by reflecting on where you might be wasting time with people who matter the most. What are the areas in your life where you waste time trying to be right rather than accepting and letting go? It really isn’t that important.
2. In the spirit of being self accountable, identify what you can do to change that waste of negative energy. Where can you choose to be happy more than fighting to be right?
3. Give yourself the miracle of not crashing on that plane and attending to what matters most.

The gift of living in the Triangle,

Lorne

As I blog and discuss the Character Triangle, I emphasize the importance of being able to establish a habit system to reinforce Accountability, Respect, and Abundance as a way of life. Establishing a “thinking and doing process” that becomes habitual is critical for emotional and physical advancement, and this leads to greater happiness. Two things happen when you feel happier in your life. First, you catch on to the fact you have a choice in how you see the world. Second, you let go of what doesn’t work.

The persistent, challenging and immensely broad work emanating from Martin Seligman has offered the most illuminating light regarding habitual thinking. (Seligman, 1992, 2002, 2011; Seligman and Csikszentmihalyi, 2001; Seligman, Ernst, Gillham, Reivich, and Linkins, 2009.) Such history has (recently) yielded a new chant for those seeking to flourish (read more). PERMA is the acronym for well-being reflected in our Positive emotion, Engagement (being aware of feelings as they happen), Relationships (relating to others well), Meaning (purpose), and Achievement (PERMA).

In an interview last summer Martin Seligman said, “Well being (happiness) is not just the absence of misery; it is the presence of real things.” Doing something for someone else is the single biggest, most mood-lifting boost you can give yourself. For another way, before you go to sleep at night write down three things that went well today, and why they went well. “It is addicting. Six months later in random assignment placebo-controlled tests, people who do this are happier, with higher life satisfaction and lower depression.” For a higher PERMA score – be conscious of the things that go well in your life.

Character Move: take action, one small manageable step at a time, to improve your PERMA and habit thinking score. Doing so will reinforce the Character Triangle becoming a habit and better enriching your life on a daily basis.

PERMA is the Character Triangle,

Lorne

“…For the 36 companies we studied, …higher-ambition CEOs assume personal responsibility when things are bad and they give collective credit when things are good. These companies exemplify elements of both strong collective and individual leadership. Both — when used in the right situations — are essential for creating economic as well as social value.”

The above quote is from a recent Harvard Business blog which captured learning from research conducted by Tobias Fredberg and Flemming Norrgren. Most of us know from personal experience how demotivating it is when you work for someone who tries to squash your head in a vice when things go wrong. And then when the reverse happens there is no collective acknowledgment or recognition; the boss takes prime responsibility for the great result. In the long run this often builds simmering resentment amongst team members. Over time they leave and bring their talents elsewhere.

Character Move:

• Don’t be that “guy.” Have the courage to take the heat and protect your team when things go wrong (attack the process and fix things …develop the person).
• Be generous in praise when things go well. Share it. It will come back in many ways.

Taking and giving in the Triangle,

Lorne

Most of us have seen and even participated in the strings of unproductive emails that lead nowhere. In their wake they have left a carnage of wasted time and bruised egos. This increasing trend to using digital media for conflict resolution is a lousy use of digital tools. These tools are better suited for conversation, clarity, and confirmation but usually NOT for conflict resolution or problem solving. Emailing and texting may be easier and less stressful (initially), but become convenient vehicles of issue and conflict avoidance. Having disagreements and the ability to constructively resolve them are necessary for the progression of any group. We need to embrace the idea of positive conflict, and NOT get slicker at avoiding it, with the right context and medium. And that usually means us talking to each other. Yes, good ole fashioned face to face, “kitchen table” dialogue.

A recent Harvard Business Review blog noted the following difficulties with digital media for conflict resolution and decision making:

1. It is hard to get the EQ (emotional intelligence) right in email. The biggest drawback and danger with email is that the tone and context are easy to misread. In a live conversation, how one says something, with modulations and intonations, is as important as what they are saying. With email it is hard to get the feelings behind the words.
2. Email and text often promote reactive responses, as opposed to progress and action to move forward. Going back to the zero latency expectation in digital communications, it is hard for people to pause and think about what they should say. One of my colleagues suggests not reacting to any incendiary message until you have at least had a night to sleep on it, and always trying to take the higher ground in email. While by definition reactive responses occur in live discourse, they are usually more productive. The irony is that while email, as an asynchronous channel, has the potential to be more thoughtful, it often promotes the opposite tendency to be immediately reactive. Why? Because the bark is almost always bigger than the bite behind remote digital shields.
3. Email prolongs debate. Because of the two reasons above, I have seen too many debates continue well beyond the point of usefulness. Worse, I have experienced situations which start relatively benignly over email, only to escalate because intentions and interests are easily misunderstood online. When I ask people if they have called or asked to meet the counterpart to try and reach a resolution, there is usually a pause, then a sad answer of “no.”

Character Move:

1. Develop your own framework for determining when to use email/ text or to have a live conversation. Have the courage to make personal, authentic, live contact. Be timely! Don’t avoid it and let it stew.
2. Decide to become a MASTER communicator by consciously building a dialogue tool set. It will be one of the most important things you can do for bettering your personal and professional life. If you cannot describe the communication tools and skills you practice then I think you’re kidding yourself about how effective you are (e.g. the STP tool for listening and problem solving in the “free resources” section of www.lornerubis.com.
3. Stop that next unproductive email string, and talk live to your counterpart(s). Keep consciously practicing your “crucial conversation” skills. Embrace the opportunity.

Talking Live and Real in the Triangle,

Lorne

I’ve noticed that often inexperienced employees have difficulty seeing their bosses get credit for work they’ve done. Of course strong, confident bosses share credit and recognition for superb work and are usually very generous in this regard. But not all bosses are great. Some are just lousy. And most of us bosses are evolving combinations of strengths and shortcomings.

Former Apple genius and techno leader extraordinaire Guy Kawasaki, reinforces this concept of making your boss look good in his terrific book Enchantment: The Art of Changing Hearts, Minds, and Actions” He emphasizes doing the following Big 7 things for the Boss:

1. Drop everything and do what your boss asks. Your boss’s agenda is your agenda if she/he asks. You may think it’s not too important or relative to what you’re doing, but trust me, it is. Your boss may not even be able to explain the reason it is important. Just do it.
2. Under promise and over deliver. I learned this painfully over the years. I liked to communicate my enthusiastic intent to do assignments and therefore I risked making great work appear just good when completed. Be skillful at outlining the challenges with the assignment AND THEN hit a “home run.”
3. Prototype your work. Test progress on your assignment early with your boss. She will be pleased that you “jumped on it” and also give you a steering correction if necessary.
4. Show and broadcast your progress. Don’t pump and dump your work. Show milestones and accomplishments along the way. Keep your boss informed. Be your own PR firm. Don’t confuse modesty with naivety. Show your stuff.
5. Form friendships. When you have lots of friends and supporters at work you increase your boss’s sphere of influence and by extension your relationship with him/her. Plus no one likes to mess with someone who has a large network of friends and fans.
6. Ask for mentoring. Every boss has something to teach you and we all have egos. Bosses like to share their knowledge with genuinely interested people. Be sincere though, take the mentoring seriously or your relationship will deteriorate.
7. Deliver bad news early. Again, this is something I’ve learned the hard way. Regardless of how bad the news is, telling it early gives you an opportunity to address it and do damage control. Don’t wait it; it will hurt more later. Trust me on this one.

 Character Move:

1. Make a decision to give to yourself by making your boss look great. This is NOT “brown nosing” (a horrible phrase actually). It is being generous of spirit and just plain smart.
2. Check where you are on the Big Boss 7, as I’ve named them above. Be honest. Even if you think you’re better than your boss, this is the right thing to do (unless your boss is doing something illegal and/or immoral of course).
3. Consciously practice all of the above. Do it. Make your boss look good.

Applying the Big Boss 7 in the Triangle,

Lorne

Real leaders know that business effectiveness is about balance and that getting great financial results ultimately depends on what PEOPLE do and how they do it. However, to make those more attracted to just the financial metrics, note the following.

Jack Wiley is the founder and Executive Director of the Kenexa High Performance Institute. Last year his team surveyed more than 30,000 people who work in the biggest economies—including Brazil, Canada, China, Germany, India, Japan, the U.K. and the U.S. and learned that workers across job types, cultures, industries, and pay scales don’t want to just be paid. While a quarter of employees rate pay as their highest priority, 75 percent of what employees most want has nothing to do with taking home a bigger paycheck—they want RESPECT: recognition, exciting work, security, pay, education, conditions, and truth.

RESPECT Makes Financial Sense

Wiley’s group contrasted companies that have high and low ratings for all of the RESPECT items defined above and found that high-RESPECT companies outperform low-RESPECT companies. The following is an excerpt from Wiley’s article in the October issue of Leadership Excellence magazine:

• Employee Engagement. Employees who get what they want from their organizations are more engaged than their unfulfilled counterparts. Their scores are 40 percentage points higher when it comes to workplace pride, satisfaction, advocacy, and commitment.

• Operation Performance. High-RESPECT employees outscore their low-RESPECT counterparts by more than 25 percentage points when asked about their companies’ product quality, customer satisfaction, and competitiveness.

• Customer Satisfaction. High- RESPECT companies achieve excellent scores, and greatly out perform their low-RESPECT competitors on the American Customer Satisfaction Index.

• Financial Performance. By correlating RESPECT scores against Diluted Earnings per Share, Return on Assets, and Total Shareholder Return, we found the high-RESPECT companies outperformed their low-RESPECT competitors across all three financial metrics.

Character Move:

1. Recognize that most elements of RESPECT don’t cost much to improve. BUT it takes conscious and focused action. You need to be aware where you stand on the RESPECT continuum.
2. Read Wiley’s work and the Respect chapter in The Character Triangle to better understand the behavior that supports building respect.
3. Take action yourself. If you’re a manager, determine what action you can take in your area to drive reinforce it. Measure for it. If you are an individual contributor, lead by your action.
4. Remember that RESPECT pays!

Respect as a dividend in The Triangle,

Lorne