| Lorne Rubis - Part 2

Willpower and Personal Energy Management… Zaap!

201116 Sep
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Posted inBe Accountable

Being self accountable has a set of principles and behaviors that puts us more in control of our actions and desired outcomes. A related but different set of behaviors revolve around the concept of self-control. Roy Baumeister has been studying self-control for more than two decades and he has just published a new book, Willpower, written with John Tierney, which summarizes his conclusions. “Self-regulation failure,” Baumeister argues, “is the major social pathology of our time.” However, many of us may be taking the most difficult and least productive approach in personally managing self-control?

Tony Schwartz is the Performance Expert and CEO of The Energy Project, which is devoted to helping people and organizations improve sustainable performance, in large part by more systematically exercising self-control. They have found in their work that the skill at self-regulation creates huge competitive advantage. Over the years, they have learned that nearly everything people tend to believe about self-control is wrong. Tony‘s work on this subject emphasizes that, “Most of us assume the only way to resist our impulses, or persevere under pressure, is to grit our teeth, furrow our brows, steel our nerves, and tough it out. Precisely the opposite is true.”

Schwartz exclaims that human energy is the fuel for self-control. He goes on to state in a recent HBR blog, “We each have one reservoir of energy to get things done. Each act that requires self-control progressively depletes this energy reservoir, whether it’s when you use it to resist a piece of cake, or focus single-mindedly on a difficult problem, or stay calm when you feel provoked.”

Schwartz and his colleagues believe that there are three ways to influence self-control by better managing our energy:

We can intentionally increase the energy available to us
Use the energy we have more efficiently
More regularly and intentionally renew our energy.

Character Move: In order to reinforce self-accountability it is important for each of us to learn more about personal energy management. This includes practicing individual physical intelligence management (nutrition, exercise, and sleep) and emotional intelligence management (building a habit system and applying energy resourcefully). A good place to start is The Energy Project; Schwartz and his group has tremendous breakthrough insight on this topic.

Energy in the Triangle,

Lorne

9/11 Victim 0001: The Happiest Man on Earth

201111 Sep
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Posted inBe Accountable

This week I listened to 9/11 stories on National Public Radio. One story I listened to was about Mychal Judge, the legendary and beloved Franciscan chaplain of the NYFD. This NPR clip was an interview with Bill Cosgrove, a police lieutenant who stumbled on Father Mychal’s body and then with four others, carried him out of the rubble and chaos. Cosgrove is convinced that Mychal’s last selfless act of love was saving the lives of the first responders who carried him out. Shortly after the famous picture below was taken, the tower fell and these firemen would have surely been inside and fatalities with the rest of their comrades.

Father Judge was the first recorded death from the attacks that morning. His life’s work is a loving foundation for the tenth anniversary commemorations of the 9/11 attacks: peace, tolerance and reconciliation. One of the first vigils held this year was in honor of Father Mychal. About 300 people gathered last Sunday in front of the St Francis Church where Judge lived and worked, just down the block from the ladder 24/engine 1 firehouse. The march followed Father Mychal’s final path to Ground Zero.

A fellow a Franciscan, Fr. Michael Duffy, gave the eulogy of Father Mychal, ten years ago and a few days after 9/11. The following is an excerpt: (read the entire eulogy here).

” He would say to me once in a while, “Michael Duffy” –– he always called me by my full name –– “Michael Duffy, you know what I need?” And I would get excited because it was hard to buy him a present.

I said, “No, what?”

“You know what I really need?”

“No, what Mike?”

“Absolutely nothing. I don’t need a thing in the world. I am the happiest man on the face of the earth.” And then he would go on for ten minutes, telling me how blessed he felt. “I have beautiful sisters. I have nieces and nephews. I have my health. I’m a Franciscan priest. I love my work. I love my ministry.” And he would go on, and always conclude by looking up to heaven and saying, “Why am I so blessed? I don’t deserve it. Why am I so blessed?” But that’s how he felt all his life.  

Another characteristic of Mychal Judge, he loved to bless people, and I mean physically, even if they didn’t ask. A little old lady would come up to him and he’d talk to them, you know, as if they were the only person on the face of the earth. Then, he’d say, “Let me give you a blessing.” He put his big thick Irish hands and pressed her head till I think the poor woman would be crushed, and he’d look up to heaven and he’d ask God to bless her, give her health and give her peace and so on…  

It reminds me of that very well known Picasso sketch of two hands holding a bouquet of flowers. You know the one I mean –– there’s a small bouquet, it’s colorful and a hand coming from the left side and a hand coming from the right side. Both are holding the bouquet. The artist was clever enough to draw the hands in the exact same angle. You don’t know who’s receiving and who is giving. And it was the same way with Mychal. You should know how much you gave to him, and it was that love that he had for people, and that way of relating to him, that led him back to New York City and to become part of the fire department…

He loved his fire department and all the men in it. He’d call me late at night and tell me all the experiences that he had with them, how wonderful they were, how good they were. It was never so obvious that he loved a group of people so much as his New York firefighters. And that’s the way he was when he died…
 
The firemen took his body and because they respected and loved him so much, they didn’t want to leave it in the street. They quickly carried it into a church and not just left it in the vestibule, they went up the center aisle. They put the body in front of the altar. They covered it with a sheet. And on the sheet, they placed his stole and his fire badge. And then they knelt down and they thanked God. And then they rushed back to work.

And so, this morning we come to bury Mike Judge’s body but not his spirit. We come to bury his mind but not his dreams. We come to bury his voice but not his message. We come to bury his hands but not his good works. We come to bury his heart but not his love. Never his love.”   

Character Move: Simply reflect on how Mychal Judge is a metaphor of The Character Triangle. He died in the act of being self-accountable, respected every human he interacted with, and embodied abundance through his joy in daily practice: the happiest man on earth.

Then ask yourself what you want your eulogy to say.

Two hands holding a bouquet in The Triangle,

Lorne

Superheroes of Kindness: Lessons from 3 Year Olds

20119 Sep
Comments1
Posted inBe Abundant

This past week two of our team members lost loved ones; a dad and a brother passed. As always, the people at Ryzex rallied with care and compassion. When the bigger things happen our team closes ranks and demonstrates what I call reactive kindness. This is important, but I also want us to work on what I call daily kindness.

The following CNN story by Asieh Namdar underscores the essence of this way of thinking and acting, becoming Superheroes of Kindness.

At one preschool in Missoula, Montana, the students turn into superheroes for a few days each month. These superheroes can’t fly and don’t fight monsters, but they do wear capes.

Instead, they are “Superheroes of Kindness,” and they are learning that they are never too young to make a difference by cleaning up their neighborhood, visiting senior citizen centers, and taking part in other acts of kindness. Kristal Burns, the teacher who pioneered the superhero initiative explains, “One of my most memorable visits was to a senior citizen center. I would ask the kids, ‘Why are we here?’ They would say, ‘To make them smile!’ ‘How are we going to do that?’ ‘We’re going to look at them. We’re going to say ‘Hi.’ At one point, one little girl started crying. When I asked her what was wrong, she looked at me and said, ‘My heart feels so good right now.’ She was so overwhelmed with the power she had. And that’s what she took home with her that day.”

Ms. Burns goes on to say, “Every child has kindness, but like everything else, we need to cultivate and nurture it. If we don’t, kids may not know how to use it. By watering it, feeding it and learning how to carefully keep away weeds that may want to overtake it, we not only allow the kindness inside to grow, but we learn how use it. Showing compassion without thinking of reward brings great strength and inner power. What a gift to foster in our children and humanity.”

Character Move: How about you and I take a lesson from these three year olds and proactively work to demonstrate more kindness daily at work, not just when the bad stuff happens, but every day. We need to water and feed the act of kindness, like Burns emphasizes for three year olds, or we get rusty. And as Burns notes, doing so without expectations of reciprocation or reward generates inner strength and power. And as the management guru Tom Peters notes over and over again… kindness is free! I challenge you to consciously make one proactive act of kindness daily. Write down what you did, and be aware of the reaction.

Character Hall of Fame: I am selecting Ms. Burns as new member of my Character Hall of Fame.

Superheroes of Kindness in the Triangle,

Lorne

Cowboys, Cancer and Fear

20116 Sep
Comments7
Posted inCharacter Triangle

Sonny Johns is a friend of mine. This Texan is so “cowboy” that you can see George Strait’s aura surround him as he steps out of his truck, all boots and jeans.

I was with Sonny the other night in the capital of Texas, having Austin’s best BBQ at the iconic Rudy’s, wolfing down slabs of brisket and ribs, all smothered in sauce and distributed on shiny wax paper that also serves as cutlery. The conversation was even better than the dinner because Sonny is so fully alive and authentic. He’s just in his early 40′s and yet he has wrestled cancer and hogtied it to the ground twice. The last time (10 years ago), he was returning home from getting the oncologist’s diagnosis when he was hit broad side on his motorcycle. He ended up in intensive care, right back at the same hospital he was returning from. Sonny was given six months to live from the cancer let alone the bike crash, but he “cowboyed up,” his term for having the mental toughness to fight his way back to health.

Sonny will be the first to say that he couldn’t have done it without lots of help from many. But, he will also tell you that fear has two dimensions: one that comes from the concern related to uncertainty and doubt, and the other involves awe and a sense of extraordinary opportunity. It was his understanding and balance of both ends of the FEAR spectrum that gave him the mental framework to first survive and then thrive. Sonny is pictured with the moustache he is growing for Movember.

A personal growth teacher and coach, Tara Sophia Mohr has a thoughtful video and blog on the website Big Think about the spectrum of fear. In it she describes teachings by the late Rabbi Alan Lew that really changed her view on how to think about fear. Rabbi Lew talked about the many Hebrew words for fear, and about two words in particular. One is pachad – a fear of projected or imagined things. In our contemporary terms we talk about this as the fear of the irrational lizard brain (the amygdala, see Seth Godin’s work on this in his book Linchpin). It’s that over-reactive fear that when applied, often stands for False Expectations Appearing Real. That’s pachad – the fear of imagined worst case scenarios or consequences – a kind of delusional fear that we’re all hardwired to have. In the case of cancer although much of pachad fear is pretty rational, some is irrational too. In Hebrew another word for fear is yirah. According to Tara, the closest translation in English is “divine awe.” Rabbi Lew defines yirah as the fear that comes upon us when we inhabit a space that is larger than we’re used to inhabiting, when we are in the presence of something sacred or divine. When we are in that place of extreme uncertainty, there is some pachad (oh my God, what is going to happen?) and also a lot of yirah. There is that sacred, trembling feeling of being in the presence of something really mysterious and other worldly.

Character Move: when you are in that uncomfortable place that feels overwhelming, accept and recognize the pachad, AND allow yourself to find the yirah too. Hopefully we do not have to face the challenges Sonny did to learn these two definitions of fear in such a literal and sharp-edged way. Perhaps like Sonny, we can “cowboy up” and embrace the yirah when we find ourselves at the edge of something very unfamiliar. And like Sonny maybe we can leverage this to get closer to our real purpose in life. Embrace the sacredness of the space that is larger than what we’re used to inhabiting. The learning is waiting there for us.

Yirah in the Triangle,

Lorne

You can find Sonny on Twitter @SonnyJohns or at Austin-based BestFit Mobile.

Character Triangle

Our character is exclusively ours. We define it by how we think and what we do. I believe that acting with Character is driven by what I call the Character Triangle.

What, exactly, is the Character Triangle (CT)?

The CT describes and emphasizes three distinct but interdependent values:

Be Accountable: first person action to make things better, avoiding blame.
Be Respectful: being present, listening, looking again, focusing on the process.
Be Abundant: generous in spirit, moving forward, minimizing the lack of.