This completely connects with my experience and I do everything I can to stay away from the eaters. You can recognize them because they try and conceal intent, think they can “outsmart the other party” with clever or cute negotiating techniques, and mostly think they’re of superior intelligence. Their effort is always to take more than the “other side.” Bakers try to really understand what everyone one wants and tries extra hard to expand the size of what might be available. This is the essence of comparing abundant versus scarcity people. Bakers are fun and trustworthy because they declare what they want to achieve and actively work with others to do the same. The mind set and focus is on growing and sharing versus protecting and taking.

This does not imply we shouldn’t be shrewd and good negotiators but “shrewd” does not equate to “screwed,” ourselves OR others. Stay away from anyone who brags about “putting one over on someone”…you’ll likely be on that list one day too.

Character Move: How much are you and I eaters versus bakers? Are we surrounded more by bakers or eaters? What action can we take to surround ourselves with bakers?

Bake in the Triangle,

Lorne

In the world of being more self accountable, sometimes we need “that moment.” It is usually a time where we say to ourselves …enough! I am going to start now. One step at a time but I am resolved to make things better. It is me. I’m the one who can and will do it. There are going to be no more excuses. No one else including me is to blame. But, I’m in charge of myself.  You may recall one of my earlier blogs where Jamie Bruner, the current CEO of Kinetix Living, left the world of being over 300 pounds to become a fitness champ and leading purveyor of nutrition and wellness. He bent over in a restaurant and slit his pants from stem to stern …enough …that moment. Literally, that night the change began. That moment.

Character Move: look for that moment. It’s looking for us. Decide that today or this hour or this minute is going to be the time to start that change. Be accountable. Be honest. Start now.

That Moment in the Triangle,

Lorne

Applying the values of the Character Triangle supports the above analysis. The more one embraces and applies accountability, respect, and abundance, the more likely and easier is the connection to Google’s Big 8!
Character Move: if you want to be a strong leader, start applying purposeful practice in all 8 areas. Get feedback on each element and develop from there. It is not too late or early in your career to start.         

Leading in the Triangle,

Lorne

At the same time it may be heartening to understand the following. There is evidence that some will understandably deeply struggle after personal trauma, while others will actually propel forward and derive personal growth from the experience. The following is an excerpt from a Harvard Business Review blog written by Shawn Achor that provides great insight into this:

“Research has illuminated differences between people who experience growth after trauma and those who do not. First, these individuals continue to believe that their behavior still matters, which is one of the components of optimism. If you have experienced a trauma, find one concrete action — something you know you can do — to decrease the negative feelings associated with the trauma. For example, if you had a heart attack, decide to give up desserts on Sundays. This gives your brain a “win,” allowing it to keep moving forward.

Second, post-traumatic growth blooms best in a soil of deep social support. If you have experienced a trauma, try to actively invest in your social support network — rather than passively waiting for that network to invest in you in the midst of hardship. Everyone has their own timetable for recovery, but post-traumatic growth can begin to occur at any point in the grieving process — whether it is one day or ten years later. Social support speeds the process of recovery.

Third, change the way you describe the trauma to yourself. For example, when I was at Harvard Divinity School, I went through two years of depression. At the time, it was terrible. And I could leave the story there. But that misses out on the reality that post-traumatic growth occurred. Because of that depression (not despite it), I began to understand what gets in the way of us creating positive change in our lives, and that jumpstarted my interest in positive psychology and helping people change their mindsets and their habits. If it were not for depression, I would not have the understanding, or the compassion, to help people like I can today. Learning to tell myself that story — rather than the pessimistic version of what happened — has been key to my growth.

Trauma is always bad — but it’s also the beginning of the story, not the end.”

None of us wants to have to be put to the test on this but when and if we are; there is a choice in the after zone of personal tragedy. Mourning and grieving is necessary. We also are best served with a mind set of moving forward and the belief that our contribution still matters, along with activating a nurturing support system.

Character Move: have enormous compassion for ourselves and others when trauma strikes. Know that at some time after the mourning and grief, we have a chance and choice to “grow on.” It can be a beginning.

Beyond Trauma in the Triangle,

Lorne

Pat jumped on the conference stage and exploded with energy, exhorting an enthralled audience of 1,600 business execs to live with more purpose and passion. “SPEND IT” was the first challenge from Croce. And he went on from there, “What are you waiting for?”

Pat told one story that really had an impact with me.  He tells of a time during his role running the team when he was, of course,  extremely busy. However Pat still read all his emails and paused on one from a 10 year old boy.  The email read this way (paraphrasing) “…Hi Pat, when you’re not too busy could you call my friend Bobby who is in the hospital and not feeling well.”

According to Croce, mostly because he wanted it off his to do list, he asked his assistant to email the boy back to get a phone number. Pat then goes on to call the hospitalized boy who was recovering from brain surgery to remove a cancerous tumor. The sick child’s mother answered the call and after some disbelief that it was Croce (who was literally a house hold name in Philadelphia) handed the phone over to her bed ridden 10 year old son. Pat and the boy immediately engaged in a comfortable conversation, as if they had known each other for years. After about 5 minutes of chatting, the phone is handed over to the mother, whom to Croce’s discomfort, was sobbing. Pat asked her what was wrong and through her tears, she went on to explain that words spoken by the boy were his first since the operation a few weeks before. While his speech was expected to return post op, until the conversation with Pat, there was no evidence it would.

Croce’s point – it is never ever too soon to act with kindness. Do it now.

Character Move: Spend it now! Act with kindness right after you read this. It is never too soon.    

With Kindness in the Triangle,

Lorne

Have you ever worked with someone who wants total control on everything related to what they do at work? With these folks information is not allowed to be exchanged or action taken without pre-approval from this person. Stepping outside the boundaries, even by accident, can result in being “banished from the kingdom.” These people are usually hard working and well intended. Unfortunately they will likely have a fall because the “sword cuts both ways.”  They will eventually make a fatal decision and will find themselves standing alone. The idea of excessively controlling information for power and control, at a personal or even company level, was never a great idea but in today’s world it is no longer a useful precept.

Character Move: Take a hard look at your personal work. Where can you be more open and transparent in ways that help you, your team mates, and your company?

Transparent in the Triangle,

Lorne

Gurber goes on to describe how Deepak, following this mantra, built much personal wealth through sharing wisdom with a world wide audience.

The abundant aspect of the Character Triangle is lock step with this notion. The idea of giving generously of what is highly valued leads to more wealth in every way. Finding this value involves wisdom. Too often people are captured by the glitter of the wealth goddess and of course her repayment is often rejection and disappointment.

Character Move: Take stock. Which goddess are you pursuing?

Wisdom in the Triangle,

Lorne

This last weekend, almost 20 years later, I reread a lot of the material. So what can I take from this experience and share with you? For the record, I found it gratifying to reflect on much of what the people said regarding my positive impact on the company. But, here is what the data says I could have done better:

First, I had a challenge which was described as “clarity” of my content. Frankly I was not always crisp and clear in my communication. Explaining things in simple terms was my lowest score. I sometimes made things too darn complex! Using buzz words and jargon was occasionally used a personal safety net.

And second, I sometimes had too many things going on at one time. My vision, impatience for progress, and creativity became shortcomings when too many ideas and initiatives were pushed in parallel. This can feel overwhelming to some. Others may view this behavior as impulsive.

So my message, although very personal, is to consider the following:

• Seek out balanced feedback (strengths & shortcomings). People who care will tell us things in helpful ways. However, we have to be non-defensive and really listen. It can be difficult but will be ultimately rewarding.
• Make complex issues simple.  Be clear and direct. Use language that the people really get. Fuzzy communicating is not helpful. People take mental vacations when we communicate like that. Fight being a perfectionist. 
• Focus on what has the most leverage driving value for others. Less is often more. When we provide real value it’s because we’re listening and giving people what they really need, not what we think they need. This keeps us focused and more centered. It also keeps our egos in check. 

Character Move: Make the complex simple and focus on the vital few. Find out how well you are doing that.

Psyched in Triangle,

Lorne

I have given a lot of thought about my communication skills and ways to improve them.  Here’s what I wish I had understood early in my career.  Effective communicating is almost ALL about CONNECTING and just a little about presenting.

1. Connect with the audience by “playing” for them more than you!

Every successful artist or entertainer knows this but it’s not talked about much in business. Here it is: when presenting, we have to be giving all that we have for our audience. They have to believe that we care about them and that our presentation is sincerely meaningful for them. Groups can sense when it’s more about you and what you have to sell.  It’s not about how you sound, how flashy your PowerPoint is, etc. Whether around a lunch room or boardroom table, when we are given center stage our content has to connect to what matters to the listeners. It works better if the audience includes great listeners, but we are accountable for all aspects of the connection: from the subtleties of eye contact to the precision and clarity of language that makes them feel what you’re talking about.  Whitney Johnson, a founding partner and president of Rose Park Advisers, shares a personal experience that reinforces this in a recent Harvard Business Review blog.

2. Paint a picture or tell a story so they feel the content not just hear it.

John Kotter, emeritus professor at Harvard Business School and one of the leading experts on organization effectiveness, tells the following story in his book The Heart of Change: Read-Life Stories of How People Change their Organizations.

A large organization had an inefficient purchasing process, and one mid-level executive believed that money was constantly being wasted with each of the organization’s factories handling their own purchases. He thought there could be tremendous savings from consolidating the procurement effort. He put together a “business case” for change but it went nowhere. His boss said that senior executives didn’t feel it was truly a big problem, especially with so many other daily challenges taking up their time. So the manager had an idea: he collected the 424 different kinds of work gloves the factories collectively purchased and tagged each one with its different price and supplier. He carted the gloves in and dumped them on the boardroom table before a senior executive team meeting. He first showed the pile to his boss, who was taken aback by this powerful visual display of the waste inherent in having dozens of different factories negotiate different deals for the items they needed! The boss showed the CEO, who scrapped the meeting agenda to talk about procurement because what he was looking at was so memorable, so compelling, and so real. It galvanized the executives to action. Ultimately, they overhauled their procurement process and saved a great deal of money. 

John Kotter’s blog has more on this point. Too many times in my life I’ve walked away from a meeting with the “they just don’t get it” attitude. The harsh truth is that I didn’t get the “it” to them. I didn’t put the “gloves on the table.”

Character Move: Remember that in being a great communicator Connection more than just content is King.  When we have the stage, play for the crowd and think before hand what your “424 glove moment” is going to be.

Connect in the Triangle,

Lorne