| Lorne Rubis - Part 2

My Butt and Holiday Gift Giving

201022 Dec
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Posted inBe Abundant, Character Triangle

I think people struggle with the concept of gift giving overall. Dan Ariely, the brilliant social economist who I often refer to in my blogs, recently gave this advice based on research related to gift giving:

“The best advice on gift-giving, therefore, is to get something that someone really wants but would feel guilty buying otherwise.”

This is really a quick and dirty summary of somewhat more advanced thinking on gift giving and frankly I think it applies more directly to personal gifting. But what about people and organizations we want to gift in the work place? Now I must admit I really like chocolate, candy, nuts, and booze. But seriously, do I or my company colleagues really need them from others at work? I’m not even sure how to share these kind of gifts with the company. As an example, if I put consumable gifts in a public place any where near the sales organization, they will be consumed by the quota-driven in minutes. Poor accounting doesn’t have a chance. And, taking them home for my own consumption I think is wrong. If I do quietly consume most of this stuff at my desk, you will get my drift on the impact to my chair-ridden butt. So how about, when we feel compelled to acknowledge other companies or people at work, we consider gifting the following organizations on their behalf: Note: these are taken directly from Nicholas Kristoff”s December 18, 2010 NYT times article The Gifts Of Hope.
There are of course many great charitable organizations beyond these, but because Kristoff devotes his life to understanding the world of those at risk or destitute, I thought you might appreciate the reference:

Arzu employs women in Afghanistan to make carpets for export. The women get decent wages, but their families must commit to sending children to school and to allowing women to attend literacy and health classes and receive medical help in childbirth. Rugs start at $250 and bracelets at $10, or a $20 donation pays for a water filter for a worker’s family.

First Book addresses a basic problem facing poor kids in America: They don’t have books. One study found that in low-income neighborhoods, there is only one age-appropriate book for every 300 children. So First Book supports antipoverty organizations with children’s books — and above all, gets kids reading. A $100 gift will supply 50 books for a mentor to tutor a child in reading for a year. And $20 will get 10 books in the hands of kids to help discover the joys of reading.

Fonkoze is a terrific poverty-fighting organization if Haiti is on your mind, nearly a year after the earthquake. A $20 gift will send a rural Haitian child to elementary school for a year, while $50 will buy a family a pregnant goat. Or $100 supports a family for 13 weeks while it starts a business.

Another terrific Haiti-focused organization is Partners in Health, founded by Dr. Paul Farmer, the Harvard Medical School professor. A $100 donation pays for enough therapeutic food (a bit like peanut butter) to treat a severely malnourished child for one month. Or $50 provides seeds, agricultural implements and training for a family to grow more food for itself.

Panzi Hospital treats victims of sexual violence in eastern Congo, rape capital of the world. It’s run by Dr. Denis Mukwege, who should be a candidate for the Nobel Peace Prize. A $10 donation pays for transport to the hospital for a rape survivor; $100 pays for counseling and literacy and skill training for a survivor for a month.

Camfed, short for the Campaign for Female Education, sends girls to school in Africa and provides a broad support system for them. A $300 donation pays for a girl to attend middle school for a year in rural Zambia, and $25 sends a girl to elementary school.

The Nurse-Family Partnership program is a stellar organization in the United States that works with first-time mothers to try to break the cycle of poverty. It sends nurses to at-risk women who are pregnant for the first time, continuing the visits until the child turns 2. The result seems to be less alcohol and drug abuse during pregnancy, and better child-rearing afterward, so that the children are less likely to tangle with the law even years later. A $150 gift provides periodic coaching and support for a young nurse by a senior nurse for a month.

Edna Hospital is a dazzling maternity hospital in Somaliland, an area with one of the highest maternal mortality rates in the world. Edna Adan Ismail, a Somali nurse- midwife who rose in the ranks of the World Health Organization and also served as Somaliland’s foreign minister, founded the hospital with her life’s savings and supports it with her United Nations pension. A $50 gift pays for a woman to get four prenatal visits, a hospital delivery, and one postnatal visit. Or $150 pays for a lifesaving C-section for a woman in obstructed labor.

The Somaly Mam Foundation fights sex slavery in Cambodia and around the world. It is run by Somaly Mam, who was sold into Cambodian brothels as a young girl before escaping years later. For $50, you can buy a lovely silk scarf made by a trafficking survivor; $25 buys a necklace made by a survivor.

This year as CEO of Ryzex and on behalf of all team Ryzex we gave our customers and other partners a donation to Charity:Water.

ACTION: Give a gift in the workplace to someone or a group by donating to others (on their behalf) who connect with your meaning and purpose in life. Perhaps a twist on Ariely’s thinking is to gift something to someone who does not have the very basics you and I have. Twenty dollars makes a difference and the butt impact minimal.

Live the Triangle and give the gift of hope.

Lorne

We Are Carriers at Work. How Do You Infect Others?

201020 Dec
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Posted inBe Respectful

Learn about the ripple effect and the concept of emotional contagion in this blog.

John Cacioppo, a Tiffany & Margaret Blake Distinguished Service Professor and Director of the Center for Cognitive and Social Neuroscience at The University of Chicago, is investigating how societal influences and personal relationships affect people. He has great insight on the ripple effect and concept of “emotional contagion.” In their great new book the Dragonfly Effect the authors Jennifer Aaker and Andy Smith refer to the power of this concept. Aaker noted in a recent interview:

“Basically, that small actions lead to big results. Research shows that ripple effects result from small actions that have a positive significant impact on others over time. When the action at the epicenter of the ripple effect is based on deep meaning (or something that you believe will make you happy), a multiplier effect can occur. Others around you feel the emotion that you’re feeling, and can therefore become more strongly mobilized. This phenomenon is emotional contagion, the tendency to feel emotions similar to and influenced by those of others. The fact that your feelings of happiness or meaning can actually infect others helps explain why some initiatives work and others don’t. It also underscores the importance of cultivating social good, which is often most resonant with happiness and meaning.”

So here’s the deal. The way you and I act at work has one heck of a ripple effect. We sometimes can get trapped thinking that we live in a bubble and what we do doesn’t impact others. If we chose to be cranky and mean spirited …it impacts and ripples.

ACTION: If we chose to be constructive and respectful …it impacts and ripples. I think we know that intuitively but it helps to remind ourselves that from time to time.

We’re “carriers.” How we behave, regardless of our position really matters. As our Dragonfly friends so aptly emphasize: small actions lead to big results!

Live the Triangle and ripple well!

Lorne

Listen to the authors describe The Dragon Fly effect:

Work Wars: What’s Our Role When Groups Fight?

201017 Dec
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Posted inBe Respectful

Do you know what the 3rd side concept is?

I’ve emphasized in previous blogs the benefit and value of constructive disagreement in organizations. Last week I outlined some basic skills for being able to conduct what some people describe as crucial conversations. But what happens when people or departments go to “war” with each other? We would like to think that this doesn’t happen but it does. So how should we react?

William Ury, the renowned mediator has some powerful insight for us. Lately he has been emphasizing the concept of the “third side.”

The following is Ury’s brief explanation to the third side idea. In any conflict there are two sides. But Ury emphasizes that there is also a third side. The third side is the rest of us who have a stake in the conflict, you and me.

“The third side has respect for both sides and respect for the whole. The third side is a container for contention — for creative contention. The third side is a container within which the conflict, the real issues… can be actively engaged and transformed. In other words, the form can be transformed from the destructive behavior into dialogue, negotiation, and democracy. The aim of the third side isn’t so much resolution, as the transformation of the conflict. Let’s stand for a peaceful transformation of this conflict.”

ACTION: In practical terms in our daily work life, the first thing we can do is recognize that the third side, of which we are part, has a serious say and stake in the resolution. We can facilitate a resolution. Part of this is getting both sides to respect and understand each other and help define a better state beyond the conflict.

The tools introduced in the crucial conversation blog would be useful to facilitate the dialogue. The other thing is to do what Ury describes metaphorically and literally as “taking a walk.” This simply is getting out of our chairs to make the effort and get know other people and departments. That gesture, if we made a serious effort to do so, builds a lot bridges. People who walk together tend to see each other side by side and in concert.

We are the third side. We can and have an obligation to make the first and second sides better and more peaceful. Watching passively is not acceptable.

Live in the triangle and take a walk,

Lorne

PS. When you can, please take 20 minutes to watch Ury’s video.

Can You Face Uncertainty with Happiness?

201015 Dec
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Posted inBe Abundant

The best way to manage uncertainty is to make it part of our certainty.

Dan Gilbert is a renowned Harvard psychologist and best-selling author of Stumbling on Happiness. In a blog entitled What We Don’t Know Makes Us Nervous noted the following:

“A colostomy reroutes the colon so that waste products leave the body through a hole in the abdomen, and it isn’t anyone’s idea of a picnic. A University of Michigan-led research team studied patients whose colostomies were permanent and patients who had a chance of someday having their colostomies reversed. Six months after their operations, patients who knew they would be permanently disabled were happier than those who thought they might someday be returned to normal.”

“Why would we prefer to know the worst than to suspect it? Because when we get bad news we weep for a while, and then get busy making the best of it. We change our behavior, we change our attitudes. We raise our consciousness and lower our standards. We find our bootstraps and tug. But we can’t come to terms with circumstances whose terms we don’t yet know. An uncertain future leaves us stranded in an unhappy present with nothing to do but wait.”

In the current work environment for most of us, regardless of position or tenure, there is very little certainty. In fact I believe uncertainty is the new normal so although Gilbert’s point is valid, we have to accept uncertainty as certainty or we will struggle to find a reasonable level of happiness at work. The antidote is acceptance and understanding that whatever you and I have at work is temporary. We need to savor the moment and continuously prepare for the inevitable change that is around the corner. Connecting back to Gilbert’s earlier point, this means always being in a bootstrap mode regarding our personal development. A backup plan by its existence then gives each of us a little more certainty.

When people come to me in my role as CEO looking for assurance, the only real certainty I can give them is to confirm their belief in the likelihood of material future change is warranted, and to prepare as best as they can. So rather than getting nervous and becoming mesmerized by inevitable change, we all need to get going on our personal development plans to become more sought after and skilled contributors.

Live the Triangle,

Lorne

Character Triangle

Our character is exclusively ours. We define it by how we think and what we do. I believe that acting with Character is driven by what I call the Character Triangle.

What, exactly, is the Character Triangle (CT)?

The CT describes and emphasizes three distinct but interdependent values:

Be Accountable: first person action to make things better, avoiding blame.
Be Respectful: being present, listening, looking again, focusing on the process.
Be Abundant: generous in spirit, moving forward, minimizing the lack of.