Today I want to highlight four of my top blogs focusing on the RESPECT element of the Character Triangle in 2010. Many readers have told me these are having an impact. Comment on this blog and let me know which of these Top 4 would get your vote as the RESPECT blog of 2010. (And, if you haven’t already voted for your favorite Accountability blog please do so.)
Today I want to highlight four of my top blogs focusing on the ACCOUTABILITY element of the Character Triangle in 2010. Many readers have told me these are having an impact. Comment on this blog and let me know which of these Top 4 would get your vote as the ACCOUTABILITY blog of 2010.
Practice listening to your inner wisdom and master your ego. How do we do that?
I am really working on being calmer and more emotionally even when under pressure. When one is the CEO or on the front line there seems to be ample opportunity to get the pulse racing in a way that may distract us from our best thinking and behavior.
Over the last year I’ve made progress but I’ve got lots more work to do on this: the ability to achieve inner and outer calm in the face of pressure. I know that when I get upset or angry it is because my ego is doing the talking. If I’m really aware, I will realize that the flushness in the face, stomach tightening, and in extreme cases, the grinding of my teeth, is driven by fear. I have to keep asking what I’m afraid of at least 5 times. Each time I ask getting one layer deeper and closer to the root of my fear. My ability to recognize the signals in my body gives me the opportunity to pause and listen. If I can take a deep breath and put myself in the other person’s shoes, I can ask better questions. This often leads to inside out calmness, which in turn usually leads to higher quality decisions and principle based actions. In fact very strong actions often come from a peaceful mind. This behavior, what some define as equanimity, also brings a greater sense of calmness and confidence in stake holders. People want leadership that is grace under fire. At the same time inner peace make lots of room for purpose-driven passion. Passion and inner calmness can fit nicely together.
Action: as we go into a new year I encourage you to join me in the journey to be better aware of our inner self and to find that peaceful mind more than before. This requires purposeful practice in recognizing the signals and knowing what to do.
We live in an intense and often conflict-riddled work environment. Being able to be master that ego and achieve that inside out level of calm will reinforce the elements of the Character Triangle.
Forgive that person and you can slam the cell door shut behind you for good.
Forgiveness is an exercise of consciously freeing ourselves from resentment and anger. It is often difficult to begin the process of forgiveness, but the result is usually freeing and enormously gratifying. Do you and I have a process for engaging in real forgiveness?
Most of us feel that we have been hurt or wronged by someone. Often that person is in our workplace. After all, most of us spend most of our time in the work environment.
ACTION: Do the following modified version of the 9-Step Exercise recommended by the Stanford Forgiveness Project. Do it now; here are the steps:
1. Make a list of all the people you feel have wronged you in some way; write down what each one did and why it’s not OK.
2. Acknowledge that those things did happen, and that they did hurt you.
3. Make a commitment to yourself to do what you need to do in order to feel better.
4. Recognize that your distress is coming not from what happened, but from the thoughts that you have about what happened. Your thoughts are within your control.
5. When you feel yourself getting upset over what happened, practice stress reduction techniques to calm your body’s fight or flight response.
6. Another thing you can try when you start getting upset about a past experience is to ask yourself, “What am I thankful for?” Ask this repeatedly until you feel better.
7. Put your energy into looking for ways to achieve your goals, instead of wasting your energy by continuously reliving the negative experiences in your mind.
8. Know that the best revenge is a life well lived. Forgiveness is about taking back your power.
9. Amend your grievance story to include how you moved on.
Marelisa Fabrega has a superb blog entitled Abundance Blog at Marelisa on-line. She recently posted a blog on forgiveness that is very comprehensive. I strongly urge you to read this entire blog. Much of this blog is a subset of her thorough work. She notes, and I really agree with her,
“One of the things you and I should consider doing is forgiving those who have wronged us—whether we’ve experienced rejection, ridicule, deception, or abuse– and clearing out the mental clutter that comes from holding on to grudges and resentments. After all, the person that we hurt the most by holding on to resentment and anger is ourselves. Forgiving someone who has mistreated or wronged us is hard, isn’t it? So, how do we forgive someone who has hurt us.”
Marelisa focuses on five ways to embark upon the journey of forgiveness in order to release ourselves from past hurts and rid ourselves of any emotional baggage which may be weighing us down and holding us back. The areas include:
1. Rethink Your Definition of Forgiveness
2. If This Hadn’t Happened, Would My Life Would Be Perfect?
3. What if You Don’t Want to Forgive?
4. Questions to Ask Yourself to Help You Forgive
5. Nine-Step Forgiveness Exercise
I know of so many people at work (and of course in life outside of work) who have been dragging resentment and hostility towards one or more people. If I could give them a gift this holiday season, it would be the act of forgiveness. Perhaps this blog, along with Marelisa’s excellent work, and the resources she provides will provide an inspiration and process for doing so.
ACTION: start the process of forgiveness with at least one person now. Actively commit to it!
Forgive in the Triangle to better Live in the Triangle,
The constant in Lorne’s diverse career is his ability to successfully lead organizations through significant change. At US West, where he served as a Vice President / Company Officer, Lorne was one of only seven direct reports ... Read more about Lorne Rubis
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Our character is exclusively ours. We define it by how we think and what we do. I believe that acting with Character is driven by what I call the Character Triangle.
What, exactly, is the Character Triangle (CT)?
The CT describes and emphasizes three distinct but interdependent values:
Be Accountable: first person action to make things better, avoiding blame. Be Respectful: being present, listening, looking again, focusing on the process. Be Abundant: generous in spirit, moving forward, minimizing the lack of.