Remember my “Do we know how to apologize” blog? Well maybe the best reinforcement on the positives of power and forgiveness is captured in a recent major league baseball story.

There have been only 18 perfect games pitched since 1900. So you might imagine the huge disappointment and frustration for Detroit Tiger pitcher Armando Galarraga, when on June 2nd, one out away from perfection, the opportunity was lost due to a mistaken call by first base umpire Jim Joyce.

After the pandemonium of heckling and boos Joyce, retired to the umpire’s clubhouse to watch the replay. It was obvious from the video that Joyce was wrong. What did he do? He immediately sincerely apologized publicly and privately to all; most importantly to Galarraga, the pitcher. Joyce was grief stricken and one can only imagine how Armando felt. 

And what did Galarraga do? Instead of righteous indignation and anger, he graciously accepted and embraced Joyce with understanding and forgiveness. He went to Joyce personally and embraced him. 

Now that’s an example of self accountability, respect and abundant behavior in one replay of life.

Lesson for work and us? If we make a bad call… step up and apologize. If we get a bad call and someone acknowledges it… forgive and move on.

Thank you Joyce and Galarraga for acting with Character. You are the first twosome in the Character Hall of Fame.

with Character,

Lorne

Today Mortenson, 52, who once lived in his car outside of Berkeley, California and began this remarkable story after losing his way on a mountaineering exhibition, is advising the U.S. military in Afghanistan. The book has now sold over 4 million copies after the paperback went viral.

One of the last things (according to the July 18 NYT front page article) that General Stanley McChrystal did prior to getting fired by President Obama, was to reach out to Mortenson, encouraging his ongoing help in building support on the ground with the local Afghans.

So Mortenson was once sleeping in his car. And sometimes many of us feel the same; we are sleeping in that metaphorical car at work. The way out is to look for purpose in what we’re doing; however trivial the “job” may be. When we give and add value, somewhere along the way it brings results for us and others. Every Mortenson story is a reference point for being abundant in our actions. It is part belief and part action; both in our control.

with Character,

Lorne

When you dig more into Bob’s background his story outlines the difference between letting obstacles and victim thinking defeat forward movement. His folks died early, he went broke when his kids were young, an arsonist burned the mill down when Bob was 60, and more. There were lots reasons to “give up.”

So in our everyday lives, not all of us are going to build a natural food company but we are going to have plenty of adversity and how we choose to react is mostly in our control.

At work: accept the daily adversity in our jobs and lousy things surrounding it. Find a way to move forward and build something of value in what we do. Give something of ourselves to others. We can build our own “Red Mill” story. What’s yours going to be?

with Character,

Lorne

On June 14, 2010 at the ESPY awards, the Thomas family received the Arthur Ashe award for courage. Why? On June 24, 2009, a psychologically disturbed ex-player shot and killed Coach Ed Thomas. This tragedy tore at the fabric of the community. Yet due to the lifetime belief and example of forgiveness set by Ed, the Thomas family led by wife Jan forgave the killer and his family first.  She then used the power of forgiveness to move forward. The entire story is very much worth reading.

In this case ordinary people were dragged into an extraordinary situation. But when you learn about Ed Thomas and family, you realize their faith and belief in forgiveness is extraordinary.

If the Thomas family can forgive a man and his family for the killing of their patriarch, can we forgive under less daunting and extreme cases? I think we can. Forgiving is an act of abundance. It is the total opposite of scarcity.

Now to bring it to the workplace: do we have the ability to forgive transgressions that are not about life or death at work? The obvious answer must be yes.  So, let’s all work to forgive that one person we’ve been mad at. It is normally an uplifting experience for the forgiver and forgiven.    Let’s start now.

And if we want to be inspired about the power of forgiveness, listen to Ed and Jan’s son Aaron Thomas’ acceptance speech at the ESPY Awards. Forgive now. We all win.

Ed Thomas family – first family in the Character Hall of Fame.

with Character,

Lorne

Glennie teaches us to listen with our whole bodies and not to judge on the basis of shallow perception. Effectively listening to music and people requires us to FEEL the underlying vibrations. This involves patience, openness, and a genuine interest in receiving the melody and beat.

So, whether one enjoys Evelyn’s music or not, the act of listening with depth and real sensitivity is a powerful lesson for us all. We need to pause and ask ourselves what is the underlying vibration and message? This means being present and concentrating on the dialogue. An exchange of words is only part of the communication.

At work it helps to ask more questions in every interaction. Starting tomorrow, commit to genuinely asking for more understanding during every meeting or phone call.  The more we can model that behavior the better listeners we become.

Effective listening is a lifetime of practice and we have the newest member of the Character Hall of Fame to teach us: Evelyn Glennie.

with Character,

Lorne

 Most of us don’t like “uppity” condescending behavior regardless of how smart people are. We normally know when people are “smarter” and/or have superior credentials (like Kagan). But, the concept of respect is a matter of equality.

My point is that the value of respect, one of the core tenants of the Character Triangle, involves people treating each other with consistent decency regardless of differences, intellectual or otherwise. Let’s face it; some people just are smarter than others. That’s a fact. However we all expect to be treated at an interpersonal level with dignity regardless of I.Q. (You may recall how well the Chairman of BP was received when he referred to many of us Americans as the “little people.”) When I hire someone, I want to go and have dinner with them. How do they treat the wait staff? How do they treat the receptionist? How do they carry on a dinner conversation? Describing themselves in the 3rd person is a bit of a concern too.   Any hint of superiority or arrogance, regardless of how great the resume is, and I pass. 

Smart people who can get great results are sought after. Choose the same kind of people who get there by stepping on top of others? No thanks!  And by the way it works both ways. Super smart people with all the intellectual credentials shouldn’t have to dumb it down. When it involves how we treat each other, it’s not about smarts …it’s about respect.  We are all “Ivy League” when it comes to working together.

with Character,

Lorne

Lisa Belkin wrote a great NYT Magazine article entitled Why Is It So Hard to Apologize Well.  She refers to research by Jennifer Robbennolt, a professor of law and psychology at the University of Illinois.

“Dr. Robbennolt presented test subjects with a hypothetical situation — one in which a cyclist injures a pedestrian. She then attributed one of three statements to the cyclist and asked the subjects whether the injured party should accept a proffered settlement. When a full apology was offered (“I am so sorry that you were hurt. The accident was all my fault, I was going too fast and not watching where I was going”), 73 percent of the respondents said the pedestrian should be willing to accept the settlement. When no apology was offered, 52 percent said the pedestrian should settle. And when only a partial apology was offered (“I am so sorry that you were hurt, and I really hope that you feel better soon”), 35 percent opted for a settlement.”

 Do you think Tony Hayward, the soon to be ex-CEO of BP was sincere in his apology? 

So here are the essential self-accountable guidelines for apologizing at work (or anywhere):
1.   Be honest enough to recognize when we screwed up and admit it.
2.   Sincerely express our regret regarding our behavior and consequences.
3.   Take full responsibility for our behavior/actions (even when we think there are extenuating circumstances).
4.   State the learning and plan to act differently; outline how to prevent it from occurring again.
5.   Ask for forgiveness.

I like the way Belkin concludes her article: when an apology fails, two things are lost — the victims are not asked for forgiveness, nor are they given a chance to grant it. Being asked to forgive restores dignity to the injured. Granting forgiveness is a step toward moving on. A botched apology not only taints the act of apology but the ability to accept an apology as well. And that is unforgivable.

Let’s be self accountable …apologize when you screw up …do it the right way and go forward.

with Character,

Lorne

Being self accountable includes finding a way to create and complete work or projects. Effective leaders give room for people to add ingredients and “bake a cake” because they know people feel that pride of contribution and ownership. Ariely refers to this as the IKEA effect, that we are likely to value that furniture a little more if we have to put a little of our elbow grease into it. (After cursing while putting together some of this do-it-yourself furniture, I’m not sure I fully concur.)

At some level the notion of valuing our own creations more is intuitive. But for people concerned that self accountability may be too accommodating, it maybe a helpful reminder that we personally win by jumping in to create. To those in leadership roles – let’s make sure we’re leaving enough room for others to create to completion.

with Character,

Lorne

Now what if we took the same concept as captured in the video and applied it to our personal situation at work? I apologize for comparing saving lives of the poor as being in the same ballpark as most of our business situations. Of course these comparisons are on completely different moral planes. However the concept I want to get across is to not become overwhelmed by the big numbers and the often daunting size of the task. When we think about the magnitude of the “end game” we can feel that we just don’t have enough to get it done. We “throw in the towel” and focus on the lack of resources.  Yet sometimes 5% of extra effort here and there adds up and a wave of change. This abundant thinking can often lead to real and sustainable improved results.

When we think we have enough to start; it can lead to finding enough to finish. If you want something to be better or different at work find that first 5% and go from there. We have enough to start. It is acting with abundance.

with Character,

Lorne

My observations over the years, without the benefit of the psychoanalyst (Phillips) and historian (Taylor) is that kind (not naive) people are the winners in the most important sense of the word.  My argument is that kindness is a key sub element of respect.

The next time you need to work together with someone who is a little too stressed out,  overextended (overworked?), or just plain tired, watch how much easier it is to have a more productive meeting when you extend this person additional kindness. We can succeed and thrive at work with kindness as a key part of who we are.  In fact, the authors noted after considerable study -  is more natural and who we really are. It is ok to treat ourselves and others kindly. Really.

with Character,

Lorne